{"id":1538,"date":"2009-02-11T23:57:56","date_gmt":"2009-02-12T07:57:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1538"},"modified":"2009-02-11T23:57:56","modified_gmt":"2009-02-12T07:57:56","slug":"dear-fishface","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/dear-fishface\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Fishface"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why?! Once upon a time, you had a normal<\/a> face, a face that wouldn’t cause nightmares or thoughts of ‘Finding Nemo.’ Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for you.<\/p>\n

Haven’t you seen what happened to Meg Ryan and Melanie Griffith? What about Courtney Love and Lisa Rinna? If you squirt fillers into your lips, you just look deformed.<\/em><\/strong> I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask some doctor to deliberately fuck up your face…although you seem a little unhinged, so maybe you did. In any case, you’re a total mess.<\/p>\n

I hope your face will serve as a warning to women all over the world. I know it has made me rethink the idea of ‘cosmetic procedures.’ It’s much better to let your face get ruined by time, instead of paying someone to ruin it.<\/p>\n

The tiny little nose was also a mistake, but still not as scary and horrifying as the lips. Where did you get the money to waste on this shit?!? Oh. never mind, you’ll only lie about it.<\/p>\n

Listen, Fishface: I know everyone’s mad at you about the babies, but they wouldn’t be nearly as mad if you looked normal. I think you should consider your duckbill a public relations disaster as well as an aesthetic one. Personally, I wish I had never laid eyes on you. The only thing that has brought me comfort is this<\/a> before and after look at Jessica Biel.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a> $\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

* thanks, Juri<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"