{"id":1605,"date":"2009-03-03T23:12:55","date_gmt":"2009-03-04T07:12:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1605"},"modified":"2009-08-30T23:15:37","modified_gmt":"2009-08-31T07:15:37","slug":"sting-ruins-everything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/sting-ruins-everything\/","title":{"rendered":"Sting Ruins Everything"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sting<\/strong> has always been on my Top Five hit-list, and he’s earned it the old fashioned way, by being a cunt. I’ve just read a quote<\/a> of his that ranks above all his other crimes: “I think cancer – I’m not an expert or a doctor – but I think cancer is the result of undigested dreams and forcing yourself to do something that is not distinctively you.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Is Sting insane?! \u00a0 It’s not enough that he has tantric sex and sings in that horrible voice?! \u00a0 Elvis Costello<\/strong> was polite enough to call Sting’s performance at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame “appalling” when he could have said much worse.<\/p>\n

Sting has wounded me personally by taking a name I have long cherished and giving it to his daughter. Fuchsia<\/a> is a character in the unforgettable Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake<\/strong>. How dare Sting name his daughter Fuchsia, and thereby taint it with Stingness?!<\/p>\n

Fuchsia is one of my favorite colors, along with chartreuse. Both words are as luxurious on the tongue as the hues they signify. Chartreuse is a favorite of mine because it’s shocking and kind of aggressive, as well as beautiful. Chartreuse says: “I’m glaringly bright, and too bad for you!” I came to chartreuse late in life but I’ve tried to compensate by wearing it as often as possible.<\/p>\n

Look at these shoes.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Let’s not worry about whether I can walk in them, because obviously I can’t. But I need them. They’re only $255! Why have I squandered all my money on Sal the Plumber<\/strong> (who had to tear up my backyard) when I needed these chartreuse shoes?<\/p>\n

I blame Sting for this. Sting is what stands between me and perfect happiness. He is not only a cunt but, as Annemarie<\/strong> puts it so eloquently, Cunt Central .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"