{"id":1630,"date":"2009-03-11T15:23:05","date_gmt":"2009-03-11T23:23:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1630"},"modified":"2009-03-11T15:23:05","modified_gmt":"2009-03-11T23:23:05","slug":"operation-bristol-palin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/operation-bristol-palin\/","title":{"rendered":"Operation Bristol Palin"},"content":{"rendered":"

Even though Mrs. Palin<\/strong> has an Agenda against me (see above) I am big-hearted enough to want to help Bristol, who is innocent of sin, mostly.<\/p>\n

According to reports<\/a>, Bristol<\/strong> and Levi<\/strong> have split up, and it isn’t pretty. His sister Mercede<\/strong> tells the sordid tale to The Star<\/em>, conveniently forgetting to explain why her name is lacking the customary ‘s’ at the end of it.<\/p>\n

Bristol doesn’t want anything more to do with Levi. Looking at this photo from The Star<\/em>, I’m not surprised. The baby looks terrified, and rightly so. A man who has to tattoo his last name on his arm in huge block letters is a man with either a memory problem or a spelling problem. \u00a0 Wait, I think the spelling problem is genetic!<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Okay, it’s up to us to devise a plan for Bristol, now that she’s a single mom. Here are my ideas:<\/p>\n

1. Bristol can sell her book “My Mom is a Cunt Who Ruined My Life” for $10 mil.
\n2. Bristol can run away and change her name, leaving Trip<\/strong> with Trig<\/strong>, Track<\/strong>, etc.
\n3. Bristol can move in with me and we’ll get our high school diplomas together.
\n4. Bristol can run the Johnston meth lab with Levi’s mother<\/strong> while Levi heads back into the woods to do whatever it is he does.<\/p>\n

Which plan do you support, or is there a batter one? Please help Bristol, who didn’t know nothin’ ’bout condoms or birthin’ babies<\/a>!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"