{"id":183,"date":"2006-11-06T18:03:45","date_gmt":"2006-11-07T02:03:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2006\/11\/06\/important-beauty-bulletin\/"},"modified":"2007-05-27T20:09:53","modified_gmt":"2007-05-28T04:09:53","slug":"important-beauty-bulletin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/important-beauty-bulletin\/","title":{"rendered":"Important Beauty Bulletin"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a class=\"imagelink\" title=\"pink-merkin1.jpg\" href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/11\/pink-merkin1.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" id=\"image182\" height=\"96\" alt=\"pink-merkin1.jpg\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/11\/pink-merkin1.thumbnail.jpg?fit=640%2C96\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ladies, the wait is over. We can finally dye the hair \u201cdown there&#8221; to match the hair on our heads. And by down there, I am sad to say I don\u2019t mean Australia. Let me quote the woman who devised this new product, as she describes her epiphany:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cSophisticated women, who spent time and lots of money getting their hair color just right, had no solution for coloring the hair down there. They were totally overlooking this crucial beauty area.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Holy mother of god, she\u2019s right! I know I myself have overlooked this crucial beauty area. Here I\u2019ve been spending a fortune on skin treatments and lipstick, specific moisturizers for my neck and eyes. But I have never even bought one product for my Crucial Beauty Area. I feel like a complete dunce. Let me just apologize to the whole world, especially to my husband. Sorry honey!<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, you can now use \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.bettybeauty.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Betty<\/a>&#8220;,the exclusive new hair color product, to dye your Betty. That\u2019s right, your Betty. I don\u2019t know exactly how the name Betty came about, but I think I&#8217;d prefer to call mine Sylvia. Or even Flossie.<\/p>\n<p>Betty comes in Brown-betty, Black-betty, Blonde-betty, Auburn-betty and FUN-betty (a fluorescent hot-pink.)&nbsp;\u00a0 I\u2019m scared of all of them to tell you the truth. My head, which I\u2019ll call Marylou just for the hell of it, has long black hair, but I worry about the effect of Black-betty on my Sylvia. It might be too\u2026Goth. Know what I mean, ladies?<\/p>\n<p>In any case, I think we should all consult our lovers, husbands, and other interested parties, about using Betty on our Crucial Beauty Area. That way, if they want you to, you can kick their ass to the curb.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ladies, the wait is over. We can finally dye the hair \u201cdown there&#8221; to match the hair on our heads. And by down there, I am sad to say I don\u2019t mean Australia. Let me quote the woman who devised &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/important-beauty-bulletin\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-2X","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=183"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}