{"id":1902,"date":"2009-04-30T20:05:09","date_gmt":"2009-05-01T04:05:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1902"},"modified":"2009-04-30T20:08:16","modified_gmt":"2009-05-01T04:08:16","slug":"kelly-bensimon-a-gift-from-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/kelly-bensimon-a-gift-from-god\/","title":{"rendered":"Kelly Bensimon, a Gift From God"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Once again, I’m the last one to find out about something that the whole world already knows. \u00a0 When it comes to hating Kelly Bensimon though, better late than never!<\/p>\n

What a fucking horrible woman! \u00a0 When you’re watching Kelly Bensimon, she is the worst person who ever lived. \u00a0 She is beyond anything that words can express. \u00a0 She is the fucking Holy Grail for haters! \u00a0 Why wasn’t I notified?!?!?<\/p>\n

My husband was kind enough to discover the Real Housewives show for me, and I’ve only seen three episodes. But this Kelly Bensimon person is such a monster that I feel like my whole life has been leading up to finding her! Everything she says and does is like medieval torture. Watching her is worse than being waterboarded! Why didn’t the Bush administration JUST USE KELLY BENSIMON?!<\/p>\n

Here<\/a> is how she ended an interview with Bazaar magazine, when asked who she would be if she could be anyone else for a day:<\/p>\n

“I would be me. Every single day. With criticism, without criticism. Just to be me. Because what’s so bad about that?” <\/strong><\/p>\n

May I be allowed to tell Kelly what’s so bad? \u00a0 Okay, good.<\/p>\n

Kelly, here’s what’s bad: You’re stupid as a plank of wood, you’re full of shit, you’re rude and condescending, you named your kid “Sea,” you think you’re a prom queen even though you’re pushing forty, you’re a ridiculous snob, and you play stupid head trips with everyone. AND you’re selling some ugly owl necklace that you ripped off from somewhere.<\/p>\n

If you haven’t seen this woman, you’re in for a very special treat. I have never wanted to punch someone in the face so fervently.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once again, I’m the last one to find out about something that the whole world already knows. \u00a0 When it comes to hating Kelly Bensimon though, better late than never! What a fucking horrible woman! \u00a0 When you’re watching Kelly Bensimon, she … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,5,7],"tags":[332,15,393],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-uG","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1902"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1902"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1902\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}