{"id":273,"date":"2007-02-22T19:59:57","date_gmt":"2007-02-23T03:59:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2007\/02\/22\/sister-wolfs-guide-to-the-ans-courtroom-drama\/"},"modified":"2007-03-23T17:42:07","modified_gmt":"2007-03-24T01:42:07","slug":"sister-wolfs-guide-to-the-ans-courtroom-drama","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/sister-wolfs-guide-to-the-ans-courtroom-drama\/","title":{"rendered":"Sister Wolf Explains It All"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a class=\"imagelink\" title=\"poor-clown-anna.jpg\" href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2007\/02\/poor-clown-anna.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" id=\"image272\" height=\"96\" alt=\"poor-clown-anna.jpg\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2007\/02\/poor-clown-anna.jpg?fit=640%2C96\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>For those of you who had to go to work and had to miss the ANS hearing, here is a synopsis:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Judge Seidlin<\/strong> was a showboating nutcase who babbled incoherent asides throughout the hearing and turned out to be a big crybaby. He needs to be disbarred ASAP.<\/p>\n<p>Anna\u2019s mom, <strong>Virgie<\/strong>,&nbsp;\u00a0 a mean-looking former police officer , wasn\u2019t very convincing in her bid to get her daughter\u2019s decomposing body. No one would want to go home with that woman, even if you were already dead.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Howard K. Stern<\/strong> came off like a gigolo wearing a Devil mask. His lawyer, <strong>Krista<\/strong>, was a loudmouthed blonde in the tradition of Ann Coulter. Larry Birkhead\u2019s lawyer, <strong>Debra<\/strong>, was a scary dyke type who never got her way but always acted triumphant.<\/p>\n<p>Virgie was nicknamed \u201cMama&#8221; by the crazy Judge, who called the lawyers by their respective home states.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Larry Birkhead<\/strong> was a stunning Dreamboat whose looks moved the judge to blurt out \u201cYou really are charming! I noticed you when you first walked in!&#8221; Birkhead maintained the gentlemanly manner of a young Elvis Presley. Anna, nice choice, for once!<\/p>\n<p>Everyone conducted themselves like hungry jackals except for Larry. Virgie\u2019s lawyer, &#8220;<strong>Texas<\/strong>,&#8221;&nbsp;\u00a0fainted at one point, and the whole group took a surprise fieldtrip to the morgue to view the rotting remains.<\/p>\n<p>In the end, poor Anna was awarded to her daughter\u2019s appointed guardian, <strong>Richard<\/strong> <strong>Milstein<\/strong>, who promptly decided to bury the remains in the Bahamas, where 6 months ago, Howard made a video of a pregnant <strong>Anna Nicole<\/strong> <strong>Smith<\/strong> painted up like a clown and staring vacantly into the camera repeating \u201cWhat? What?&#8221;in the voice of a bewildered two-year old.<\/p>\n<p>What, What, indeed, is my assessment. Stay tuned for the battle over the <strong>baby<\/strong> <strong>daddy<\/strong>.<br \/>\n&nbsp;\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For those of you who had to go to work and had to miss the ANS hearing, here is a synopsis: Judge Seidlin was a showboating nutcase who babbled incoherent asides throughout the hearing and turned out to be a &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/sister-wolfs-guide-to-the-ans-courtroom-drama\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,5,8],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-4p","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=273"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}