{"id":2745,"date":"2009-08-01T00:14:00","date_gmt":"2009-08-01T08:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=2745"},"modified":"2009-08-01T00:14:00","modified_gmt":"2009-08-01T08:14:00","slug":"the-douche-at-the-coffee-bean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-douche-at-the-coffee-bean\/","title":{"rendered":"The Douche at the Coffee Bean"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"the-douche-at-coffee-bean\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

How rude, I thought as I sat down with my coffee. The douche was returning to his table where he’d been sitting with a girl he just met in the parking lot. They had realized they had a friend in common, “Brian.”<\/p>\n

The douche’s dog wandered over to me and I pet its head. “Oh, sorry,” said the douche as he came to get the dog. I gave him a nice smile and said: “You don’t have to be sorry to me<\/em><\/strong>!”<\/p>\n

At this, he flipped out, screaming, “Hey, I don’t have to be sorry to anyone! I have nothing to be sorry about! I’m here having a great day, I’m enjoying myself, I’m with a beautiful woman!”<\/p>\n

I started laughing, and a guy working at a laptop said to the douche, “Stop yelling.” The douche turned to taunt the laptop guy, who muttered, “Psychopath.” “You’re the psychopath!” screamed the douche.<\/p>\n

The douche sat down again with the girl, who seemed thrilled by his performance. Together, they phoned the mutual friend to tell him they were together at the Coffee Bean. The douche went back inside to get more coffee while the girl continued on the phone. “Yeah,” she said happily. “He’s GREAT!”<\/p>\n

Here they are, above. Reading their body language, I wouldn’t be surprised if she slept with him later that day and he rewarded her by bashing her head in. I can’t even feel sorry for her, you know? You get what you pay for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"