{"id":300,"date":"2007-03-19T17:35:09","date_gmt":"2007-03-20T01:35:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2007\/03\/19\/a-guide-to-new-movies\/"},"modified":"2007-03-19T17:35:09","modified_gmt":"2007-03-20T01:35:09","slug":"a-guide-to-new-movies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/a-guide-to-new-movies\/","title":{"rendered":"A Guide to New Movies!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 $\"movie-theater.jpg\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

As a public service, I will be reviewing movies that haven\u2019t come out yet. I haven\u2019t seen them, but that\u2019s not important. I have seen them in my mind\u2019s eye, and that\u2019s enough.<\/p>\n

Reign Over Me<\/strong> is a shameless tearjerker about Friendship, starring the always awful Adam Sandler and the overworked Don Cheadle. It manages to use Sept. 11 as a device to generate pathos, \u00a0 without having anything worthwhile to say about it. It makes me sick to even think about this movie, which is the work of Mike Binder, a hack who wrote one of the worst TV series ever, The Mind of \u00a0 a Married Man.<\/em><\/p>\n

Grindhouse<\/strong> is an over-the-top shocker designed to get people all worked up about cinematic violence. Full of disturbing imagery, it features an amputee super-woman on a killing spree. A big mash-up of \u00a0B-movie references so that hipsters can feel clever when they watch it. Blood everywhere, surf guitar, basically the work of a bankrupt imagination, masquerading as social comment. No no no, take it away!<\/p>\n

The Hills Have Eyes 2<\/strong> is a predictable \u00a0 sequel. Everyone screams a lot and blood squirts all over everything. Bad things happen to youngish good-looking people. A movie for people who like video game violence but don\u2019t want to go to Iraq. A waste of time and money unless you\u2019re a 15 year old boy with \u00a0 poor social skills.<\/p>\n

The Nanny Diaries<\/strong> is a mildly amusing story without much of a plot, but Scarlett Johansson has a nice bustline. Alicia Keys can\u2019t really act but has an endearing presense. Laura Lynney does her best to play a wealthy mean bitch, with the hugely irritating Paul Giamatti as her husband. Lots of shots of upper class New York give it a pseudo-Woody Allen quality. This movie would make an okay rental when nothing better is available.<\/p>\n

There you have it! \u00a0 Let me know if you have any requests.
\n \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"