{"id":3156,"date":"2009-09-14T02:17:55","date_gmt":"2009-09-14T10:17:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=3156"},"modified":"2009-09-14T02:18:58","modified_gmt":"2009-09-14T10:18:58","slug":"mtv-awards-2009-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/mtv-awards-2009-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"MTV Awards 2009 Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"

I didn’t see the whole show but so what, I’m still doing the Exegesis.<\/p>\n

The best thing this year was Kanye Wes<\/strong>t fucking up Taylor Swift’s<\/strong> acceptance speech. Yes, it was rude, and why not? Taylor Swift is a godawful singer and has made me sick ever since the knowledge of her existence was thrust upon me during an episode of Saturday Night Live. A tall giraffe of a girl with stupid ringlets and inappropriate lipstick, she bleats out her songs in a strained voice that makes my throat constrict in sympathy while wielding an over-sized guitar and playing up to the pederasts in the audience by kneeling down on the floor and flipping her head around.<\/p>\n

Yay for Kanye West! He loves to make a scene at awards shows, and he couldn’t have picked a better victim to mess with. Ever since he told the American people on live TV<\/a> that George Bush doesn’t care about black people, Kanye has been my hero. \u00a0 Tonight, he won my appreciation for making that big awful girl shut the hell up.<\/p>\n

$\"my_little_pony\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Beyonce’s<\/strong> performance was fantastic. Her legs were bigger than ever, in her never-ending tribute to My Little Pony. Pink<\/strong> was especially androgynous as she demonstrated her acrobatic prowess during a torch song about a bad relationship. Her boob was out but covered by a nice pasty.<\/p>\n

Jay Z<\/strong> performed a rap song while his pants fell down, and Alicia Keyes<\/strong> appeared to understand why he is a star, much to my confusion. When I remarked to my husband that Alicia is gay, he snapped at me, even though it’s not my fault.<\/p>\n

Lady Gaga<\/strong> looked ridiculous and thanked “the gays.” Do they like to be called The Gays? You would think she has learned the protocol by now.<\/p>\n

Let’s see, what else? Green Day<\/strong> was embarrassing, Janet Jackson<\/strong> looked fierce, and Russel Brand<\/strong> feels no shame about his shapeless flabby arms, which he flailed around to no good effect.<\/p>\n

That’s all I remember. Let me know if I forgot anything important.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"