{"id":364,"date":"2007-06-06T21:46:58","date_gmt":"2007-06-07T05:46:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2007\/06\/06\/eli-roth-douchebag\/"},"modified":"2007-06-06T21:46:58","modified_gmt":"2007-06-07T05:46:58","slug":"eli-roth-douchebag","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/eli-roth-douchebag\/","title":{"rendered":"Eli Roth, Douchebag"},"content":{"rendered":"

Eli Roth is pleased to tell us that Le Monde<\/a> chose Hostel as the best American film of the year, over The Departed. Also, he goes on, an \u201cart form magazine called Hostel the smartest film they\u2019d seen on American foreign policy and American imperialism.\u201d Isn\u2019t that nice? He\u2019s been applauded for the genius he is, using explicit torture scenes to make his noble points about foreign policy.<\/p>\n

I hate guys who foist garbage on people while insisting it\u2019s a metaphor for garbage. I \u00a0 hate this guy in particular for his pretentiousness. He seems like a spoiled brat whose psychoanalyst father and artist mother really fucked him up. He says they took him to see ‘The Exorcist’ when he was six, and marvels at how cool that was. Poor Eli! I guess he was traumatized, but that doesn\u2019t excuse his wretched exploitation films and the aggregate damage done to filmgoers anxious to prove they can withstand the worst images of human suffering.<\/p>\n

Eli Roth is also a connoisseur of teen movies like ‘Porky\u2019s’ and \u201canything with Scott Baio.\u201d See, he\u2019s ironic and post-modern! More reasons to love him, and by that I mean hate him, because I like irony, too. In an interview he gave on the eve of his first hit movie, ‘Cabin Fever’ (also about torture and probably imperialism or maybe global warming) he reveals his plan to make a teen movie called ‘Scavenger Hunt.’ He says he\u2019s going to bring back \u201creal kids and bush. That\u2019s what\u2019s gonna come back. We\u2019ve gotta bring bush back to movies.\u201d<\/p>\n

For \u00a0 a moment, I\u2019m ashamed to say I didn\u2019t know what the hell he was talking about. Then he wraps up the interview with, \u201cI just want real tits and bush!\u201d Oh. That makes sense. I think Eli Roth needs a better psychiatrist than his dad. More to the point, I think he\u2019s a fucking douchebag who needs to die. If only I could kill him, \u00a0 Le Monde might recognize it as my statement about American consumerism.<\/p>\n

I know ‘Hostel II’ will make a lot of money. I think I\u2019ll save my money for ‘Scavenger Hunt.’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"