{"id":3773,"date":"2009-12-27T23:33:34","date_gmt":"2009-12-28T07:33:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=3773"},"modified":"2009-12-27T23:33:34","modified_gmt":"2009-12-28T07:33:34","slug":"the-thrill-of-neiman-marcus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-thrill-of-neiman-marcus\/","title":{"rendered":"The Thrill of Neiman Marcus"},"content":{"rendered":"

For the first time in months, I went out to shop today! My BF took us to Neiman Marcus<\/strong>, where we saw LaToya<\/strong> Jackson<\/strong> in the men’s department wearing a red Santa hat and sporting a bubble butt that jiggled wildly but still looked fake.<\/p>\n

In the shoe department, the sale racks were overflowing with eye-popping high-end monstrosities by the usual designers. \u00a0 I thought it would be nice to try on some $1,500 alligator wedges. I would rather die than try to walk in shoes like this, since I clearly have trouble walking in flat athletic shoes.<\/p>\n

I was transfixed by an awful woman trying on some high suede boots. She modeled them in different positions as though trying out for a contest of some kind. Her legs were as thin as my arms but her lips were inflated enough to save at least half of the passengers on the Titanic. I hope she bought the boots.<\/p>\n

Upstairs in the clothing department, a woman who looked like Terry Hatcher kissed up to a woman with awful frizzy red hair, who revealed that she was up for a directing award. Terry gushed that she always saw Frizzy on Facebook<\/strong>, but Frizzy insisted that she rarely logged in.<\/p>\n

It was a joyous day, and I achieved a dizzying level of shopping-endorphins without having to spend any money. Like any addict, I can’t wait to do it again.<\/p>\n

leather jacket by Gar-de, ill-fitting old jeans by Wrangler, blue shoes by Adidas, Chanel bag, cane from Rite-Aid.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"