{"id":44,"date":"2006-03-27T18:51:24","date_gmt":"2006-03-28T02:51:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/archives\/2006\/03\/springsummer-fashion-bulletin"},"modified":"2006-03-27T18:51:24","modified_gmt":"2006-03-28T02:51:24","slug":"springsummer-fashion-bulletin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/springsummer-fashion-bulletin\/","title":{"rendered":"Spring\/Summer Fashion Bulletin"},"content":{"rendered":"
\u00a0<\/p>\n
It’s that time again: The fashion world demands that you buy ten essential items to ensure \u00a0looking as awful as possible. Let me simplify the New Look:<\/p>\n
1. Norma Kamali<\/strong> is back! It was bad the first time around, and it’s bad now. For maximum clownishness, choose the sweatpants-leggings shown above.<\/p>\n 2. Skinny Jeans<\/strong>: When your jeans are tapered at the ankle, it helps \u00a0to achieve the ice cream cone leg-shape that we all admire!<\/p>\n 3. Huge Platform Wedges<\/strong>: If you weren’t around in the 70s, now you can sprain your ankle just like Mom did.<\/p>\n 4. The Enormous Handbag<\/strong>: If you can’t fit your trashcan in it, it’s not big enough.<\/p>\n 5. The Frilly Shirt<\/strong>: Don’t think tuxedo; think toreador, only more flouncy.<\/p>\n 6. The Ill-Fitting Jacket<\/strong>: Not just cropped but too tight, with the new awkward 3\/4 sleeve.<\/p>\n 7. The Wide Belt<\/strong>: A great look for the anorexic, upsetting for everyone else.<\/p>\n 8. The Toga-Style Camisole<\/strong>: Speaks for itself, doesn’t it?<\/p>\n 9. The Baby Dress<\/strong>: Preferably in white cotton, a hard look to pull off after age six.<\/p>\n 10. Distressed Denim<\/strong>: Yeah, yeah, \u00a0it’s not new but the prices are! $200 and up for a pair of scuffed designer jeans. Look for a brand with distinctive back pockets, so your butt will scream “Fashion Victim with Hefty Credit Card Debt.”<\/p>\n There you have it! It’s all bad. See you at the mall!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 It’s that time again: The fashion world demands that you buy ten essential items to ensure \u00a0looking as awful as possible. Let me simplify the New Look: 1. Norma Kamali is back! It was bad the first time around, and … Continue reading