{"id":44,"date":"2006-03-27T18:51:24","date_gmt":"2006-03-28T02:51:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/archives\/2006\/03\/springsummer-fashion-bulletin"},"modified":"2006-03-27T18:51:24","modified_gmt":"2006-03-28T02:51:24","slug":"springsummer-fashion-bulletin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/springsummer-fashion-bulletin\/","title":{"rendered":"Spring\/Summer Fashion Bulletin"},"content":{"rendered":"

 \u00a0\"kamali.jpg\"<\/p>\n

It’s that time again: The fashion world demands that you buy ten essential items to ensure \u00a0looking as awful as possible. Let me simplify the New Look:<\/p>\n

1. Norma Kamali<\/strong> is back! It was bad the first time around, and it’s bad now. For maximum clownishness, choose the sweatpants-leggings shown above.<\/p>\n

2. Skinny Jeans<\/strong>: When your jeans are tapered at the ankle, it helps \u00a0to achieve the ice cream cone leg-shape that we all admire!<\/p>\n

3. Huge Platform Wedges<\/strong>: If you weren’t around in the 70s, now you can sprain your ankle just like Mom did.<\/p>\n

4. The Enormous Handbag<\/strong>: If you can’t fit your trashcan in it, it’s not big enough.<\/p>\n

5. The Frilly Shirt<\/strong>: Don’t think tuxedo; think toreador, only more flouncy.<\/p>\n

6. The Ill-Fitting Jacket<\/strong>: Not just cropped but too tight, with the new awkward 3\/4 sleeve.<\/p>\n

7. The Wide Belt<\/strong>: A great look for the anorexic, upsetting for everyone else.<\/p>\n

8. The Toga-Style Camisole<\/strong>: Speaks for itself, doesn’t it?<\/p>\n

9. The Baby Dress<\/strong>: Preferably in white cotton, a hard look to pull off after age six.<\/p>\n

10. Distressed Denim<\/strong>: Yeah, yeah, \u00a0it’s not new but the prices are! $200 and up for a pair of scuffed designer jeans. Look for a brand with distinctive back pockets, so your butt will scream “Fashion Victim with Hefty Credit Card Debt.”<\/p>\n

There you have it! It’s all bad. See you at the mall!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

 \u00a0 It’s that time again: The fashion world demands that you buy ten essential items to ensure \u00a0looking as awful as possible. Let me simplify the New Look: 1. Norma Kamali is back! It was bad the first time around, and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-I","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}