{"id":4412,"date":"2010-03-20T20:41:27","date_gmt":"2010-03-21T04:41:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=4412"},"modified":"2010-03-20T20:42:17","modified_gmt":"2010-03-21T04:42:17","slug":"the-cher-sighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-cher-sighting\/","title":{"rendered":"The Cher Sighting"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today, I went to Beverly Hills with the BFF and she had to hiss “Cher!” at me before I noticed Cher<\/strong> standing right by us in the Neiman Marcus shoe department! I turned to gawk at Cher, who looked just like herself only much smaller. She is actually quite tiny, in height and weight. She said to her assistant\/handmaiden something like, “It’s really cute, isn’t it?” and her voice was EXACTLY like her voice!<\/p>\n

I was so excited that I couldn’t stop staring. My BFF wanted me to stop, but I didn’t care. I wanted to take in every element: The black cargo pants with a million zippers, the long blue-black hair, the sunglasses that she never took off. When Cher sat down and removed her jacket to reveal a tight black bodysuit, I squealed, “Oooh, look at the implants!”<\/p>\n

My BFF managed to move me along and we went upstairs, only to find Cher in the same place 30 minutes later. Her assistant\/handmaiden was helping her to try on jackets, which she held open for Cher like an attentive date.<\/p>\n

We tried on sunglasses while I kept an eye on Cher. I modeled a pair of sunglasses by some stupid brand I’ve never heard of, that the salesgirls were pushing aggressively. “Aren’t these glorious!” I exclaimed a little too loudly, raising the eyebrows of a gay guy who clearly didn’t agree. Everyone tried to persuade me that another pair was more flattering but I was fixated on the glorious ones.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Cher was strutting around in the new Olive green Balmain<\/strong> military jacket.<\/p>\n

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It looked preposterous on her but she seemed quite taken with it. I turned to the salesgirls and squealed, “Look! Cher is trying on the Balmain jacket!” They nodded and the gay guy confided, “She likes Balmain.” I complained to the BFF that Cher should leave that jacket to the girl whose boyfriend hits her. It took a while before she retrieved the word, “Rihanna<\/strong>.”<\/p>\n

I bought the glorious sunglasses with ny NM charge card, meaning they were free! Don’t tell my husband.<\/p>\n

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Then, we walked down the street to Saks. A frightening, giant Nordic woman showed me some awful new lipstick by Guerlain<\/strong>, and the BFF bought a sexy bustier by Camilla and Marc<\/strong>. We relaxed in the Saks cafe, where I ate an apple tart that cost $9 and started to realize that the sunglasses were a tragic mistake.<\/p>\n

But at least I saw Cher!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"