{"id":470,"date":"2007-09-05T15:22:53","date_gmt":"2007-09-05T23:22:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2007\/09\/05\/fall-fashion-2007\/"},"modified":"2007-09-05T15:22:53","modified_gmt":"2007-09-05T23:22:53","slug":"fall-fashion-2007","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/fall-fashion-2007\/","title":{"rendered":"Fall Fashion 2007"},"content":{"rendered":"

The September issue of Vogue is pleasingly hefty, but in all other respects it is a huge disappointment. I remember the days when opening the September Vogue was a sacred ritual. You had to set aside a period of time to look at every page, letting the waves of sumptuous unaffordable suede and leather fantasies wash over you. Every fall, you were commanded to wear high boots and wool menswear and darker lipstick, as if they\u2019d all just been discovered for the first time.<\/p>\n

This year, Vogue has lost its authority and direction, I think. Maybe it\u2019s the fault of the designers, or maybe it\u2019s \u00a0Anna Wintour. How can you even believe in the fashion dictates of a woman who still wears a stupid pageboy with bangs when she has a grown-up daughter? Then, she goes and puts Sienna Miller on the cover. What next, Chloe Sevigny?<\/p>\n

I miss the old Vogue, with its bossy mandates that left no doubt about what you needed to look for. I will never forget the precision of \u201cThink yellow, like the inside of a banana.\u201d Things were always \u201ckey,\u201d meaning Follow these directions or you\u2019ll blow it.<\/p>\n

This year, Vogue wants you to wear ankle boots AND high boots, wide-legged pants AND skinny ones. Make up your goddamned mind, Anna. The one thing to be happy about is the end of the baby doll dress. I don\u2019t even want to see a baby wearing one, at this point.<\/p>\n

Here are the new trends, as if you didn\u2019t already know:<\/p>\n

1<\/strong>. The Bootie<\/strong>. \u00a0 Sickening word, but don\u2019t blame me. I like ankle boots, so I\u2019m on board with this one.<\/p>\n

2<\/strong>. The Menswear Look<\/strong>. You know the drill: slouchy trousers, neckties, \u00a0 fedoras, bla bla bla.<\/p>\n

3<\/strong>. Black Tights<\/strong>. Yay! The bare leg was too daunting for those of us who can\u2019t stand the smell of the fake tan stuff.<\/p>\n

4<\/strong>. The Funny Sleeve<\/strong>. Call if trumpet shaped or balloon shaped, just as long as it\u2019s funny looking.<\/p>\n

5<\/strong>. The Cropped Jacket<\/strong>. Yes, we\u2019ve had that for years now, but pretend it\u2019s new.<\/p>\n

6<\/strong>. \u00a0 The Clutch Handbag<\/strong>. No way. If I can\u2019t get my sunglasses in there, it\u2019s useless.<\/p>\n

7<\/strong>. The Chunky Knit<\/strong>. Think grandpa, or soup lines in the winter.<\/p>\n

8<\/strong>. \u00a0 Grey<\/strong>. Everything must be grey, it\u2019s all about grey, don\u2019t even think of ignoring this one!<\/p>\n

9<\/strong>. \u00a0 \u00a0The High Boot<\/strong>. Think biker or riding boot, then add around $800.<\/p>\n

10<\/strong>. \u00a0 Patent Leather<\/strong>. This makes me happy, but it could start making me mad. You know how I get.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"