{"id":4831,"date":"2010-04-28T22:07:41","date_gmt":"2010-04-29T06:07:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=4831"},"modified":"2010-04-28T22:07:41","modified_gmt":"2010-04-29T06:07:41","slug":"the-black-baby-gambit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-black-baby-gambit\/","title":{"rendered":"The Black Baby Gambit"},"content":{"rendered":"

This has got to be the most outrageous damage-control move in the history of publicists. Imagine being at the meeting where this story was hatched.<\/p>\n

“Okay, we’ve got to change the narrative about Sandra, asap! The Nazi stories are killing us!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Yeah, this really sucks. If we don’t move quickly, Sandy will be strapped forever with the Cheating Nazi Husband image and that’s gonna sink her in the end. People are already saying that she must have known about Jesse.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Shit.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Wait! I have an idea.” <\/strong><\/p>\n

“Fire away!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Well, it’s kind of crazy, but it just might work. Let’s say that Sandra has an adopted baby…”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Naw, people will smell spin-control if she adopts now.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Right. But let’s say SHE ALREADY HAS AN ADOPTED BABY! She’s been keeping it secret, though.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“But why would she do that?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Oh, who cares. Just hear me out. Not only a baby, but a BLACK BABY!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Jesus.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Listen, think about it! This will change the Sandra Bullock narrative overnight! No one will give a shit about the Nazi husband and the strippers.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Oh man, \u00a0 it’s a no brainer! Genius! Call Sandy and then get someone to go track down a baby and make sure it’s black.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Haiti?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Too slow. Go local.”<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"