{"id":4948,"date":"2010-05-08T22:44:25","date_gmt":"2010-05-09T06:44:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=4948"},"modified":"2017-05-14T15:30:43","modified_gmt":"2017-05-14T22:30:43","slug":"the-mommy-exchange","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-mommy-exchange\/","title":{"rendered":"The Mommy Exchange"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am aware of a strong, over-active maternal instinct that makes me want to take care of everyone who is hurting. I want to kiss the hurt away and offer comfort. I want to solve their problems and offer unconditional love.\u00a0 It’s not because I’m a good person or even because I’m a mammal. I think it’s an empathy disorder that makes me feel teary at the sight of little old ladies with coiffured hair, or kids who look neglected.<\/p>\n

But sometimes, I just want a mother. I want to feel secure that someone else is in charge. I want to be the kid, not the mommy.<\/p>\n

That’s why I like The Mommy Exchange. Most of my friends let me call them Mommy, even if they’re much younger than me. The deal is, they can call me Mommy, too. It’s the perfect solution.<\/p>\n

I hereby offer this deal to anyone out there who wants to sign up for it. Hammy and Janet are already signed up, even if they don’t know it yet.<\/p>\n

Being a mother is just too hard. Today, the Huffington Post is full of essays on motherhood, each one listing a million rules for being a successful mother. Here are two I have failed at miserably:<\/p>\n

Establish a routine and respond with a balance of consistency and flexibility to your child’s needs.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Regulate your emotions to avoid extremes in behavior or being reactive.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shit! I’m not consistent, at least not consistently. And I haven’t been able to regulate my emotions. Not only that, but I forgot to teach my kids Life Lessons. I didn’t bake them cookies and I involved them in my pranks. I joined the PTA but I stopped going to the meetings. I overprotected them but I didn’t protect them enough. I taught them by example to defy authority and now they defy authority. I was strict when I should have been permissive and vice versa.<\/p>\n

I hope it’s enough to let your kids know you are always there for them, no matter what. And I hope all you kids out there will tell your mom what a great job she did, even if she didn’t. She probably tried. I hope she did. x0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"