{"id":579,"date":"2007-11-05T12:59:51","date_gmt":"2007-11-05T20:59:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2007\/11\/05\/teachers-in-love\/"},"modified":"2007-11-05T12:59:51","modified_gmt":"2007-11-05T20:59:51","slug":"teachers-in-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/teachers-in-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Teachers in Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

All my hopes for the latest teacher-student romance were dashed today when I read that they were caught and arrested in Mexico, at a mall. What a thrilling escapade it must have been. She will probably spend the rest of her life paying for it, and who knows what will happen to the boy. Eighth-grader Fernando Rodriguez turned out to be an illegal immigrant, so for now he\u2019s stuck in Guanajuato, far from his teacher, Kelsey Peterson.<\/p>\n

Kelsey is 25, but she looks like a big baby, whereas Fernando is 13 and looks like a blinged-out hustler. I wonder if it was love at first sight? He was in her sixth grade math class, so I guess he wasn\u2019t too good with numbers. Kelsey was also a basketball coach, so maybe they shared a love of sports. In any case, what could a girl in middle school offer him, when his teacher felt passionately enough to risk everything for their Love?<\/p>\n

In his emails, Fernando called Kelsey his \u2018Baby Gurl\u2019 and said their relationship wasn\u2019t just sex, but the sex was good. I should hope so, because now they\u2019re really screwed. I like to think that these two are soul mates, like Mary Kay Letourneau and whatshisname. I hope Baby Gurl is pregnant and can have her love-child in prison. I hope Fernando stands by her, and waits for her.<\/p>\n

People don\u2019t understand the charms of a 13 year old of ethnic descent. Especially to a blonde teacher with plucked out eyebrows. It\u2019s hard to explain in words. It\u2019s kind of like the sirens who lure sailors to their death, only with some sweaty hormonal sex thrown in.<\/p>\n

Remember Woody Allen\u2019s excuse? \u201cThe heart wants what it wants.\u201d I hope Kelsey\u2019s lawyer remembers this one. Sometimes the heart wants a person who isn\u2019t exactly appropriate, but you can\u2019t say no to the heart. The heart is the boss.<\/p>\n

If I could pitch this story to a major studio, I\u2019d say it was a cross between Thelma and Louise and Romeo and Juliet. In fact, there\u2019s a great movie called Hard Choices<\/a> from 1986 that portrays an amazing romance between a female social worker and a 15 year old convict. It was as irresistible and tragic a love story as I\u2019ve ever seen, and shocking too, of course.<\/p>\n

I like to imagine that Kelsey and Fernando were seized by something bigger and wilder than most things in heaven or earth, Horatio. I hope it wasn\u2019t just a collision between a lonely nutcase and a horny teenager who sucked at math.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"