{"id":693,"date":"2008-01-20T21:37:39","date_gmt":"2008-01-21T05:37:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/godammit.com\/2008\/01\/20\/a-horrible-woman-at-nordstrom\/"},"modified":"2008-01-20T21:37:39","modified_gmt":"2008-01-21T05:37:39","slug":"a-horrible-woman-at-nordstrom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/a-horrible-woman-at-nordstrom\/","title":{"rendered":"A Horrible Woman at Nordstrom"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a class=\"imagelink\" title=\"horrible-nordstrom-woman1.jpg\" href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/horrible-nordstrom-woman1.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" id=\"image692\" height=\"96\" alt=\"horrible-nordstrom-woman1.jpg\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/horrible-nordstrom-woman1.jpg?fit=640%2C96\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><a class=\"imagelink\" title=\"horrible-nordstrom-woman3.jpg\" href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/horrible-nordstrom-woman3.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" id=\"image694\" height=\"96\" alt=\"horrible-nordstrom-woman3.jpg\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/horrible-nordstrom-woman3.jpg?fit=640%2C96\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Yesterday, my friend Maxine and I went shopping at the Nordstrom in Woodland Hills. It&#8217;s a special Nordstrom with its own designer boutiques, and it carries a lot of high-end shoes.<\/p>\n<p>While we tried on our shoes, a horrible woman seized our attention as she marched by us to the Dior&nbsp;\u00a0display and started shouting. Even if we were deaf, we would have stared at her. She was a living vision of everything that&#8217;s wrong with everything.<\/p>\n<p>Long blond hair extentions, surgically flattened face with&nbsp;\u00a0swollen lips, True Religion Jeans, towering Chanel&nbsp;\u00a0clown shoes, a massive snakeskin handbag, an accent like Zsa Zsa Gabor amplified through a bullhorn, and a tragic sheepskin vest.<\/p>\n<p>She commandeered our salesman, marching him over to another shoe display and making him hold her coffee. I was&nbsp;\u00a0fascinated by this display of&nbsp;\u00a0cartoonish obnoxious behavior, but Maxine just wanted to get the hell out of the shoe department.<\/p>\n<p>When we saw the horrible woman upstairs, I felt compelled to get a picture of her, so I followed her around, pointing my cellphone at her. She raced around,&nbsp;\u00a0screaming &#8220;Size zero, that&#8217;s me! I want this! Get me a room started!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>She was amazing. The poor saleswomen scurried after her, trying to meet her demands.<\/p>\n<p>We saw her once again, in the Chanel boutique downstairs, making someone&nbsp;\u00a0truss her with a chain belt. I wanted to hang around to see how much shit the Chanel people were willing to take, but Maxine wouldn&#8217;t let me.<\/p>\n<p>Bye bye, horrible woman! It was fun shopping with you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yesterday, my friend Maxine and I went shopping at the Nordstrom in Woodland Hills. It&#8217;s a special Nordstrom with its own designer boutiques, and it carries a lot of high-end shoes. While we tried on our shoes, a horrible woman &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/a-horrible-woman-at-nordstrom\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-bb","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/693"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=693"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/693\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=693"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=693"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=693"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}