{"id":7957,"date":"2011-08-24T00:40:11","date_gmt":"2011-08-24T08:40:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=7957"},"modified":"2011-08-24T00:40:11","modified_gmt":"2011-08-24T08:40:11","slug":"i-have-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/i-have-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"I Have Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the morning, my youngest Wolf will be going off to college. I am braced for Empty Nest Syndrome.<\/p>\n

Being me, I googled Empty Nest Syndrome. All the images are depressing. The moms all look like the women in ads for antidepressants. Then there are a bunch of standard bird nests, sadder looking than the moms. There is even a website called emptynestmoms or something. There are also support groups. Ha.<\/p>\n

I read a new agey<\/a> thing with a nice mystical angle but in the end, it pronounced:<\/p>\n

“There is no more empty nest syndrome, unless you have issues.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh no! What?!? Fuck. But wait:<\/p>\n

“It is, and has always been about, discovery and recovery … and best of all realizing you can have fun and create your own reality.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

God.<\/p>\n

I just want to start all over again, to when each child was a baby. Everything seemed so easy. I could be a better mother and bake cookies. I would never yell.<\/p>\n

I’m so proud of my boy and I know he’ll go on to change the world. But I wish I could stay in bed for around six months rather than contemplate my Empty Nest. You can bet I won’t be creating my own reality, unless that involves the reality of imaginary children who will let me cuddle them and never leave.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"