{"id":8530,"date":"2012-02-13T20:25:06","date_gmt":"2012-02-14T04:25:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=8530"},"modified":"2012-06-09T12:39:07","modified_gmt":"2012-06-09T20:39:07","slug":"2012-grammy-awards-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/2012-grammy-awards-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"2012 Grammy Awards Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"

This year, it was all about Whitney Houston<\/strong> and Adele<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Poor Whitney, her death is a tragedy and a lesson in Don’t Do Drugs, but her version of “I Will always Love You” is still an abomination. Each ascending refrain is like a dental drill in your ear canal. Rest in Peace, girl.<\/p>\n

L.L. Cool J<\/strong> was a boring host but I’d have sex with him if necessary. Bruno Mars<\/strong> gave a dynamic performance but the song was a mess. Rihanna<\/strong> writhed around like a prostitute, as usual. The Foo Fighters<\/strong> won an award for their bombastic rock anthem. Katy Perry<\/strong> looked crazy and sang a bitter break-up song. She did some kind of acrobatic thing, but all I can say is, She’s no Pink<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Fergie<\/strong> looked hideous beyond belief in a see-through day-glow dress. The guy<\/strong> who punched Rihanna won an award and thanked god most of all. \u00a0Nicki Minaj<\/strong> did a long \u00a0histrionic \u00a0act that made no sense and freaked me out. If you have any clue what it meant, let me know.<\/p>\n

That awful Taylor Swift<\/strong> sang another song about a Mean Boyfriend and dressed like a farmgirl.<\/p>\n

Lady Gaga<\/strong> was mercifully absent from the stage, \u00a0tricked out in a stupid pseudo-eccentric outfit with a veil and walking stick. \u00a0When Nicki Minag arrived with some guy in a Pope costume, she must have been furious.<\/p>\n

Adele. Adele. Adele<\/strong>. Glorious in every way, she sang flawlessly and her hand motions killed it. \u00a0She is the most adorable person in the world. Karl Lagerfeld<\/strong> can kiss her ass. \u00a0She received a heartfelt standing ovation that seemed to say, Thank you so much for being a real singer and a class act! \u00a0Unlike Carrie Underwood<\/strong>, who ruined a duet with Tony Bennett<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Jennifer \u00a0Hudson<\/strong> had the job of paying tribute to Whitney Houston and ended her song when she couldn’t hit the high note. \u00a0Her skin was beautiful on my new Sony TV.<\/p>\n

Paul McCartney<\/strong> proved that he won’t go away, ever. He ended his Beatles medley with a great guitar jam: Bruce Springsteen<\/strong>, Dave Grohl<\/strong>, and two other guy<\/strong>s took turns on solos that reminded us of the days before auto-tune and pro-tools.<\/p>\n

There it is! Did I forget anything?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"