{"id":8646,"date":"2012-03-21T02:22:57","date_gmt":"2012-03-21T10:22:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=8646"},"modified":"2012-03-21T02:24:24","modified_gmt":"2012-03-21T10:24:24","slug":"the-teeth-nightmare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-teeth-nightmare\/","title":{"rendered":"The Teeth Nightmare"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the weekend, I was able to experience this in waking life.<\/p>\n

I spent a huge wad of money on replacing some cracked teeth with crowns. The dentist used some temporary cement and told me to go home and see if I was happy with the crowns.<\/p>\n

Friday night, I bit into something chewy and felt a tooth come out. I felt around with my tongue and the lack of tooth felt weird. I ran to the bathroom mirror to see the effect: One missing tooth and it’s instant bag-lady. \u00a0The horror is too visceral to describe.<\/p>\n

I googled “what if my crown falls out” and read all kinds of misinformation and alarmist warnings. I stuck the crown back in my mouth and went to bed, traumatized.<\/p>\n

The dentist said to buy tooth cement from the pharmacy but it was worthless. For the next two days, the crown kept falling out with no warning. Then the other crown fell out. Now I had two blank spaces in my mouth: From bag-lady to crack-whore to full hillbilly.<\/p>\n

Here is what I learned: Leave your teeth alone! Dont try to fix them if it means getting a crown. Wait until someone hits you in the mouth with a baseball bat. HANG ON TO YOUR REAL TEETH!<\/p>\n

Now the crowns have been cemented in, “permanently.” \u00a0I don’t know if I’ll ever trust them.<\/p>\n

Try taking a photo of your smiling face and black out a tooth, like I did above. \u00a0It may remind you to floss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"