{"id":865,"date":"2008-05-14T21:24:47","date_gmt":"2008-05-15T05:24:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=865"},"modified":"2008-05-14T21:24:47","modified_gmt":"2008-05-15T05:24:47","slug":"all-new-reviews-of-movies-i-havent-seen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/all-new-reviews-of-movies-i-havent-seen\/","title":{"rendered":"All New Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a very loud exercise in nostalgia that you might enjoy if you\u2019re over 50 or a tween who thinks Shia LaBeouf is a hottie. Harrison Ford does his best to prove he\u2019s still an action star, and his nose is still tragically crooked. All the clothes are masterfully weathered, like Harrison\u2019s face. \u00a0 Lots of huge noisy things come hurling at the camera as if in 3D. There are many close-calls but the heroes prevail, in order to justify a sequel. If you still love the theme song, you won\u2019t be disappointed, as it is blasted at every opportunity. A tiresome adventure film that nonetheless is a thousand times more palatable then Sex in the City. Bring earplugs.<\/p>\n

What can one say about this movie? \u00a0 SJP\u2019s narration is incessant and irritating, like the toe pain she experiences from her celebrated shoes. The plot is rudimentary and predictable. The four actresses struggle to look young and vibrant, with Kim Cattrall vamping it up more than ever. Every character says the word \u201cclit\u201d at least 5 times. SJP\u2019s face is beginning to resemble Abe Lincoln, but she\u2019ll be damned if she gets plastic surgery just for you! If you love aging Cougars and the streets of Manhattan make you feel homesick or the word \u201cmasturbate\u201d makes you feel sophisticated, then this is your movie!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"