{"id":8706,"date":"2012-04-26T02:04:31","date_gmt":"2012-04-26T10:04:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=8706"},"modified":"2012-04-26T02:04:31","modified_gmt":"2012-04-26T10:04:31","slug":"my-new-name","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/my-new-name\/","title":{"rendered":"My New Name"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Lard-Desha.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-8707\" title=\"Lard-Desha\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Lard-Desha.jpg?resize=542%2C259\" alt=\"\" width=\"542\" height=\"259\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Lard-Desha.jpg?w=542&amp;ssl=1 542w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Lard-Desha.jpg?resize=300%2C143&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 542px) 100vw, 542px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I was thrilled to receive this email today, and considered it a lucky omen of some kind to be called &#8220;Lard-Desha.&#8221; Isn&#8217;t it wonderful? I&#8217;m hoping it&#8217;s not some derivation of &#8220;Lard Ass,&#8221; which would confirm my worst fears about my body.<\/p>\n<p>Just today, I tried on some jeans and asked my friend if it gave me a flattering butt. I also grilled the sales assistant on Levis&#8217; new coded jeans. &#8220;Slight curve&#8221; means a boyish shape, while &#8220;Supreme curve&#8221; means enormous hips. I think they should make an even &#8220;curvier&#8221; model and call it Lard-Desha.<\/p>\n<p>What image does Lard-Desha evoke for you? A belly-dancer? A check-out girl at Target wearing huge name-plate earrings? Or this:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Kim.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-8708\" title=\"Kim\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Kim.jpg?resize=500%2C309\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"309\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Kim.jpg?w=500&amp;ssl=1 500w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Kim.jpg?resize=300%2C185&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Maybe one day <strong>Kardashian<\/strong> will become a descriptive word like &#8220;gargantuan.&#8221; &nbsp;\u00a0Or perhaps Kim would like to change her name to Lard-Desha!<\/p>\n<p>Too bad, Kim. Lard-Desha is taken now and I&#8217;m not giving it up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was thrilled to receive this email today, and considered it a lucky omen of some kind to be called &#8220;Lard-Desha.&#8221; Isn&#8217;t it wonderful? I&#8217;m hoping it&#8217;s not some derivation of &#8220;Lard Ass,&#8221; which would confirm my worst fears about &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/my-new-name\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,6],"tags":[70,1033,347],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-2gq","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8706"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8706"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8706\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8706"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8706"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8706"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}