{"id":9402,"date":"2013-02-25T19:05:10","date_gmt":"2013-02-26T03:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=9402"},"modified":"2013-02-26T16:40:35","modified_gmt":"2013-02-27T00:40:35","slug":"academy-award-exegesis-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/academy-award-exegesis-2013\/","title":{"rendered":"Academy Award Exegesis 2013"},"content":{"rendered":"

This year, I can honestly say that I got what I wanted. \u00a0My choice for best picture, best actor and best actress came through, somebody fell, Adele<\/strong> was a goddess, and David O. Russell<\/strong> didn’t get to gloat over his importance.<\/p>\n

Let’s review the fashions. Halle Berry<\/strong> wore a hideous striped dress from Ross 4 Less and her hair was dreadful. In the bad hair category, she was outdone by Jen Aniston<\/strong>, whose short broken ends stood up in the light, guaranteeing the death of Chris McMillan<\/strong>. Jane Fonda<\/strong> looked hideous in a yellow gown from “Dallas<\/em>“, and Shirley Bassey<\/strong>, at 100 years old, was majestic in gold sequins as she belted out the theme to “Goldfinger<\/em>“. I tried to remember an old scandal about her involving one of the British Royals but failed to retrieve it.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Seth MacFarlane<\/strong> was alternately funny and\u00a0crass, but who could resist his crack about Kardashian<\/strong> facial hair?<\/p>\n

Barbara Streisand<\/strong> looked like an old wizard from Harry Potter<\/em>, Anne Hathaway<\/strong> overdid her boy-in-a-dress schtick, and Jessica Chastain<\/strong>, as always, was a flawless porcelain doll. Several older men had long silky white hair, outclassing the clean-cut youngsters.<\/p>\n

Reese Witherspoon<\/strong> wore an ugly blue thing and grew her chin since last year. Renee Zellweger<\/strong> reappeared out of retirement with the exact same grimace we know and love her for.<\/p>\n

Christopher Waltz<\/strong> was a charming Oscar winner, generously quoting Quentin Tarantino<\/strong>, who exuded coke from every pore as he manically thanked the Academy.<\/p>\n

Daniel Day Lewis<\/strong> was a witty dreamboat, revealing that he was originally signed to portray Margaret Thatcher. Ben<\/strong> Affleck<\/strong> was emotionally affecting as he alluded to some grudge he had given up but clearly hadn’t, and I still managed to watch “Shameless<\/em>” even though I missed the first 8 minutes.<\/p>\n

What did I forget?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"