{"id":9834,"date":"2013-09-05T20:25:06","date_gmt":"2013-09-06T04:25:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=9834"},"modified":"2013-09-05T20:26:11","modified_gmt":"2013-09-06T04:26:11","slug":"my-inner-sting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/my-inner-sting\/","title":{"rendered":"The Inner Sting"},"content":{"rendered":"

This picture of Roona Begum<\/strong><\/a> and her mother says everything I could ever say about everything. I have not been able to stop thinking about it.<\/p>\n

Primarily, I see love. I see the absence of god.<\/p>\n

I discussed the picture with my psychiatrist, who wants to help me find a space where my life feels worthy or livable. We talked about how I identify with both the mother and the child.<\/p>\n

I noted that among the array of emotions stirred by this image, I managed to feel resentment: Why did this family have to start a kickstarter fund to raise $65,000 for Roona’s surgery?! $65,000 is such a negligible amount for someone like Sting<\/strong><\/a>, for example.<\/p>\n

WHY DIDN’T STING PAY FOR THE SURGERY, I ranted.<\/p>\n

We talked about some other stuff, about the best use of resources for reducing poverty and hunger in places like India.<\/p>\n

In exasperation, he concluded, “Fuck Sting! You<\/em> can do something, too. You want to help people and you can. There are people right now who could use your help!”<\/p>\n

He knows that helping others is the only salvation for me. I said, “So you mean, you want me to find my Inner Sting?”<\/p>\n

We both laughed.<\/p>\n

I tried to deflect the obligation of finding my Inner Sting with a quote that I couldn’t quite remember, saying “Well, what about if I only stand and wait, like Churchill said.”<\/p>\n

Naturally, he was mystified, because I just looked it up and the quote is by John Milton<\/strong><\/a>: “They also serve who only stand and wait.”<\/em><\/p>\n

But Milton wasn’t talking about me. I have stood and waited my whole life, it seems like. I must struggle to find my Inner Sting, even though I can hardly stay awake or stay asleep, and getting off the couch feels like a huge undertaking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"