Oh god, who gives a shit about all these Joes?!?

Could you hate Grandpa more if you tried? Let us out the ways.

The crazy smile, the chipmunk cheeks, the erect thumb, the scars, the demand for “repudiation”…..

It almost makes you long for the old days, my friends, when we had Mavericks to kick around.

Did anyone hear Grandpa mention his “opposition to the Iraq war?” Everyone at my house screamed “WHAT?” but no one called him on it. Are we suffering from mass hysteria? After listening to the crowd at CNN saying it was McCain’s best performance yet, I have to wonder what planet I’m on.

What was good about it, can anyone explain? Was is the psychotic look on his face, the blinking, the piousness, the personal attacks, the flubbed words, the flabbergasting lies?

I am tempted to defend Joe Sixpack from the cruel shift of Republican affection. Why has he been abandoned like this?! Does he hate the unborn, or the partially unborn? I know how it feels to be cast aside, my friends, but I promise to fight for you and with you, if you’ll just give me a chance to spit out that crap I’ve been storing in my cheeks for winter!