What About Joe Sixpack?!

Oh god, who gives a shit about all these Joes?!?

Could you hate Grandpa more if you tried? Let us out the ways.

The crazy smile, the chipmunk cheeks, the erect thumb, the scars, the demand for “repudiation”…..

It almost makes you long for the old days, my friends, when we had Mavericks to kick around.

Did anyone hear Grandpa mention his “opposition to the Iraq war?” Everyone at my house screamed “WHAT?” but no one called him on it. Are we suffering from mass hysteria? After listening to the crowd at CNN saying it was McCain’s best performance yet, I have to wonder what planet I’m on.

What was good about it, can anyone explain? Was is the psychotic look on his face, the blinking, the piousness, the personal attacks, the flubbed words, the flabbergasting lies?

I am tempted to defend Joe Sixpack from the cruel shift of Republican affection. Why has he been abandoned like this?! Does he hate the unborn, or the partially unborn? I know how it feels to be cast aside, my friends, but I promise to fight for you and with you, if you’ll just give me a chance to spit out that crap I’ve been storing in my cheeks for winter!

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23 Responses to What About Joe Sixpack?!

  1. Mark says:

    Rancid old fucker he is. With Kellogg’s Corn Pop teeth. And such a liar. How could Grandpa even sink to bring up Obama’s ‘connection’ to Bill Ayers? It’s such a non-issue, a non-connection, non-whatever.

    Why do Democrats dance around the issue of Sarah Palin? Why couldn’t Obama just say tonight that she’s inexperience, ignorant, and a proven liar? Why? Why? Why? And Fuck the CNN pundits. Obama won the clearly won the debate. McCain’s performance was creepy, at best.

    It’s 12:30 and I’m all worked up. Fuck Grandpa and the Church Lady (AKA Rancid Cunt).

    And when are they going to kill meth-addicted, bus-vandalizing Track? I wonder how many Alaskan skanks he has impregnated.

    I just hate them so fucking much. I haven’t hated anyone this much since I saw Owen Wilson at Fred Segal trying to get noticed. I think I hate Sarah Palin is much as I hate Juicy Couture. You know what? I hate Granpa and the Church Lady MORE than I hate Owen Wilson and Juicy Couture. Way more. In fact, I’d rather the two Juicy Chicks serve as President and Vice President than Granpa and the Rancid Cunt. I’d rather Owen and Luke Wilson serve as President and Vice President than Corn Pop Mouth and the Putrid Twat.

    Fuck them and their lies. Fuck them. And fuck anyone who supports them, even mildly.

    Ahhh… I can sleep now.

  2. Mark says:

    Sorry for all the flubs in the above listing. I’m a little excited.

  3. Sister Wolf says:

    Mark, don’t be sorry, you are very eloquent in your suffering. I hate them more than the whole Wilson family, plus every single person at Fred Segal combined.

  4. David Duff says:

    Now look here, Madam, all this blatant, not to say, extreme, age-ism is very politically incorrect and you may have to be reported to NBC or NYT, or some set of initials, CRAP, perhaps, for re-education. There is nothing wrong with us golden oldies that a decently tailored set of diapers and the occasional use of an ear trumpet would not put right. Mr. McCain is a case in point, he is obviously possessed of many of his senses in that he has the good taste to choose the delectable, the desirable, the delicious, Mrs. Palin as his, er, running mate – such curious expression you Americans have! Our vituperative hostess, here, will never admit it, but gentlemen, ask yourselves, who would you rather share a presidential jet with on an all-night flight to Peking – Mrs. Palin or Mrs. ‘Hillbilly’? No contest, is it?

    Anyway, let’s all stand up for old men – particularly if I’m on the crowded train!

  5. Tobi Lynne says:

    This whole election is making me physically ill. I just don’t understand how ANYONE could vote McCain. Ugh.

    In (kind of) related news … I was driving home from work last week through a rather affluent suburb with tons of McCain signs — including many that said “Women for McCain/Palin” or “Moms for McCain/Palin”. Someone had walked through and hung bent up metal clothes hangers on those signs. I nearly wrecked my car laughing so hard. Some people must’ve gotten it, because they’re mostly removed now … though a few remain.

  6. Danielle says:

    I just about shit bricks when I started watching the analysis on CNN.

  7. honeypants says:

    Thank you for pointing out the thumb. That was irking the shit out of me too, but I hadn’t yet formed it into conscious thought. And he continued to bring up the same things he’s always bringing up out about Obama that have ALREADY been refuted repeatedly! Why is he wasting everyone’s time by making Obama defend himself on the same subjects again and again?

  8. enc says:

    It seems like every time I looked at the set, there was a split image, and while Obama was talking, McCain was smirking.


  9. Juri says:

    I wanted so many times to hit Grandpa Chipmunk hard on both cheeks at the same time, to get all that bullshit and lies out at once instead of having them spat at me gradually during the debate. And when he whined about how hurt he was about the comparisons with George Wallace I wanted to give him a bunch of new scars to prove he knows how to do everything.

    Boo hoo hoo, Grandpa. What did you fucking expect??

    I think Obama bitch slapped him pretty nicely over the Ayers bullshit. I only wish he hadn’t been so polite about Palin. Granpa had no problem attacking Bidens old “mistakes” to make him appear less competent than his superhuman “reformer” and “role model for American women”.

    I hope I’ll soon forget how Grandpa sounded and looked like when he told how proud he is about Palin. How does he live with himself? At least Cindy has the painkillers to help her through the day, but Grandpa is the one who has to look at himself in the mirror every morning after another sleepless night he has spent worrying about Joe the Plumber and his 3% tax raise, not to mention the “millions and millions of hurting Americans around their kitchen tables”.

  10. Bex says:

    Gahhh!! Missed the debate last night!!! But I’m sure nothing has changed, we all still hate McCain and his posse….right??? 😉

  11. gea says:

    I’m glad I missed last night’s performance, I don’t think I could have handled more of the same bs we’ve been force fed by that bitter old prune. If it’s any sort of comfort for those who suffered through it, over here in Italy (and the rest of Europe) all the newspapers are yelling victory for Obama, both for the debate and election…

  12. Juri says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Grandpa’s “good buddy” Joe the Plumber has confessed to Katie Couric that he lied to Obama about his would-be-company’s $250 000 income. It turned out that he is not, “not right now at presently”, making enough money to become a target to Obama’s tax raise.


    At least Grandpa can sleep a little better now that he knows that Obama won’t be spreading “his good buddy” Joe’s wealth around. He will spread Grandpa and Cindy’s wealth, though, but I don’t think Grandpa minds that too much.

  13. i almost fell off the treadmill this morning when CNN kept blathering about McCain’s great performance. What? Whoa, bias! Can’t stand how they are so behind McCain.

  14. I’m so glad I’m spared all this otherwise I think I might have exploded by now and not in a good way. I feel the crap.

  15. I yelled at the TV when McCain said he opposed the Iraq War! I wish Obama had interrupted to say “WHAT?”
    I find Blinky McWalnuts so repellent that I feel nauseous every time I see him. I was happy though to hear consevative Times columnist David Brooks, after the debate, characterize McCain as “tight” and suggest that the American people aren’t going to want to see that on their TV screens for the next 4 years.

  16. Sister Wolf says:

    David Duff – I suggest you think twice before complaining to CRAP about age-ism here, since I myself am in my Golden Years, although not entirely incontinent as yet. Grandpa McCain did not in fact select that filthy trollop; she was thrust upon him by his masters. And since the fecund Mrs. Palin is herself a hillbilly, you have gone and confused me. Are there two of her?? I find that one is already one too many.

    Tobi Lynne – It isn’t nice to laugh at the partially unborn…but go ahead.

    Danielle – That brick is the domain of Joe the Plumber, correct?

    Honeypants – That stiff thumb was an abomination!

    Enc – Huffington has calculated the sneers and blinks (hundreds)

    Juri -Maybe he’s purposely trying to lead us to the oxycontin??

    Bex – Yes, the hate is still on.

    Gea – It IS a comfort, thank you.

    Juri – Joe the plumber shot be shot for treason.

    fashionherald – Only Jeff Toobin has any brains over there.

    Made do – you are very very lucky, but we appreciate your sympathy.

    Iheartfashion – Blinky McWalnuts is SO CUTE, I hope someone makes a stuffed toy of him!

  17. Sarah P says:

    So i hear Joe the plumber does not have a plumbers license nor does the company he wants to buy. Thats fun! I love the complete insanity. I had to run away from the tv last night to smoke 1000 cigarettes.

  18. Aja says:

    Don’t forget while he nor has a plumber’s license or enough financial income to buy the company . . . he also owes a boatload in taxes. Joe the Plumber kinda needs to shut the fuck up. Perhaps he’s not done kicking himself in the ass yet.

  19. Aja says:

    And can McCain please shut the fuck up about the goddamn planetarium. I think a $3 million planetarium sounds cool as shit. I’d much rather spend my tax dollars on those sort of things instead of an illegal war in which $15 billion of our tax dollars are completely unaccounted for.

  20. Sister Wolf says:

    Aja – Amen, fuck that fucking plumber. And I couldn’t agree more about the planetarium!!!!!!!!!

  21. Imelda Matt says:

    WTF! His best performance have the people been smokn’ crack with Marc Jacobs?

  22. Nephew Wolf says:

    Finally, people are agreeing with me about the planetarium. Planetaria are fucking awesome! Three million of my tax dollars to improve one? Seriously, be my guest, and help yourself to another two million to hire Pink Floyd to play the soundtrack live every night instead of just putting on a tape. To whom does he think he’s appealing with this shit? Only antisocial Randian libertarian fuckwad cranks seriously object to the use of public funds for the construction and maintenance of uplifting public monuments, of which I would argue planetaria are an example.

  23. David Duff says:

    Whilst you’re all gazing at the stars in the planetarium some pol is probably picking your pocket and sniggering to himself, “The suckers could have looked at stars for nothing if they went outside at night!”

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