I watched Lock-Up Extended Stay the other night for the first time in years, having dismissed it as too voyeuristic and depressing.

Now, it seems to be full of existential wisdom.

You can view the prison as a metaphor for Life, with each convict choosing a method of coping

One prisoner doesn’t dwell on the sordid past and seems unduly optimistic about what lies ahead. One prisoner admits his terrible crimes but feels at peace with himself. Another blames everything on someone else, never taking ownership of any choice or action.

One prisoner, Elijah, is my new role model and I will go so far as to call him my Happy Place.

Elijah is waiting to be transferred to the prison where he will serve his sentence for robbery or something. He doesn’t like the jail where he is, and he expresses his displeasure by flooding the toilet in his cell.

At the time we meet him, the jailers are already sick of this. Elijah has also managed to break the cell’s sprinkler system a few times.

He doesn’t like being in general population because he ‘doesn’t fit in.’ He performs in a drag act and has a soft feminine voice with a lisp. At the same time, he is tough, and looks capable of serious violence.

Elijah is moved to a disciplinary cell-block as punishment for flooding the toilet. They take away his socks, which he has used to perform his mischief.

At some point, Elijah admits that he isn’t really protesting cell conditions; he enjoys antagonizing a hostile jailer. “I just don’t like his ath,” he explains.

The warden thinks he’s solved the problem but Elijah sticks his arm down the toilet to make it overflow.

Now the warden is getting pissed. They make Elijah mop up the cell himself, even though is becomes a ridiculously complicated procedure.

Elijah says matter-of-factly that nothing will make him stop flooding the toilet. He’ll keep doing it until he is transferred.

In the Elijah allegory where prison is life, let’s interpret “transferred” as death.

Elijah has chosen a path of resistance, of defiance, of finding satisfaction in annoying his captors (i.e. the forces that be) instead of capitulating to authority. Life will be harder, but it will be a principled life.

I think we should live by our principles, even if they’re stupid. They’re all you’ve got, in the end. They’re the only thing you can control.

On a whole different note, I also learned that you can make eye shadow by mixing crayons with roll-on deodorant.

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Branding is so important, blah blah blah. You love Godammit dot com, so imagine how much you’ll love a genuine Sister Wolf t-shirt!

Is this the greatest design in the history of the world?! I think so, too. (Credit goes to my Webmaster) I need to choose a manufacturer for this project, and then before you know it, you’ll be able to buy a t-shirt for yourself and your loved ones.

100% of the profits will go to the Cause, i.e. staying out of debtors’ prison.

YES, you would buy one; or NO, go fuck myself?

No matter how much time passes, The Manson Family endures as the epitome of depraved evil. It just never gets old. This week, a new documentary about Roman Polanski has been playing on TV every night. Now, Manson murderess Susan Atkins is seeking parole, with a request for a “compassionate release” from prison. Atkins, now 59, is terminally ill with brain cancer. She says she has 6 months to live, and she has been a model prisoner.

A story about this in the L.A. Times has generated 750 comments. People obviously still feel strongly about the the Manson murders. But maybe there is support for the idea of redemption through serving “God,” which Atkins has done with the same zealous commitment she once reserved for Charlie Manson.

Susan Atkins runs a ministry and donates her prosaic artwork to good causes. She has even found two men to marry her during her incarceration!

And just like everybody, she has her own website. I laughed out loud when I saw the heading “Accomplishments.” Her accomplishments are listed in minute detail. I’d love someone to make a similar list of my accomplishments, like “Sister Wolf participated in watching TV without stabbing anyone.”

Susan, I’m sorry about your brain cancer but shit happens. You should have read “The Secret” instead of stabbing a pregnant woman in the stomach and drinking her blood.

Finally, I was shaken to the core by hearing a demo of Charles Manson singing one of his own compositions. He actually had a great voice! Isn’t that awful?!?