Everyone’s in a tizzy about how to talk to politically partisan relatives at Thanksgiving, but not me! First, because I would never have a meal with a Trump supporter. Not even my last meal on Death Row, which, as everyone knows, will be a burger and fries.

Second, because if someone spoke favorably of Donald Trump in my earshot, I would not hesitate to shout, “Are you out of your fucking mind? What the fuck don’t you get?”

Watching him at rallies, surrounded by drooling racist dimwits, it’s a chilling picture of a species I haven’t encountered much in real life but now know to fear and dread. I can’t imagine being face to face with this level of ignorance.

But even for family members, it is just not acceptable. I have no bandwith for excuses about “the people who feel left behind” bla bla bla.” If anyone is still okay with Donald Trump walking around a free man, there is no pass and no forgiveness. Sure, they’re stupid, sure they barely made it through high school, sure they’re incapable of reasoning and adding 2 plus two. Too bad for them.

If you’re passing the cranberry sauce and someone quotes Hannity or talks about those sneaky Dems and their secret hearings, just lean toward them and scream, “Shut up, you stupid piece of shit! You don’t deserve to vote, that’s how stupid you are!”

Then, carefully smash a pie in her or her or they face. Tell them that for every immigrant and refugee in a detention facility, that’s how many centuries they will burn in hell.

If anyone still comes to Trump’s defense, you know what to do next. Upend the whole table, housewife style, and say, “I care about the fucking Constitution even if you don’t, motherfucker!” and remind them that article 2 does not mean the President can do *anything*. Just for fun, point out that fetuses aren’t people.

I mean, how hard is it to have a plan for Thanksgiving? I don’t even see the problem. Just do the right thing.

If you’re a big pussy, you can print out this handy Thanksgiving discussion placemat from Neil Katyal here.

If you’re like me, and I know you are, you feel overwhelmed by the current plague of horrible old white guys who are doing their best to ruin our lives while brazenly or covertly enriching themselves.

Forgetting about Trump for one moment if that is possible, let’s take inventory.

Pence, Gorsuch, Bannon, Trey Gowdy, Jeffrey Lord, Roger Stone, Tom Price, Jeff Sessions and Mitch McConnell.

These are the once that are bothering me the most, but I know they’re just a fraction of the pestilence. They are the figureheads. When I see any of these fuckers on the news, I am filled with disgust. I think it’s fair to say they are all child molesters, even if they aren’t.

Pence is a real  weasel, isn’t he? His squeaky clean altar boy image is particularly offensive. As if he didn’t know about Mike Flynn and Russia. As if he sleeps with his wife. What a despicable cunt he is.

I am especially enraged at the moment by Mitch McConnell, and I know I’m affected by his physical repulsiveness. Hey, I’m human, alright? He looks like a turtle but it’s so much more. You just know instinctively that he’d murder a bus full of school children if it meant he could stay in power a little longer. He is pure evil. He’s the reason we need to limit senate terms.

I don’t want to give short shrift to the others, but I want to move on to my central issue here, which is, how to rate the horrible old white guys who are blighting our lives. We need a system. It’s not really adequate to rate them by how sickening they are. Being physically repellent is a quality they all share but what about the level of corruption? The monumental hypocrisy? The smugness? The propensity for metaphorical or literal child molesting?

Let’s put on our thinking caps, shall we?

I’ve listed 9 horrible old bastards and I need one more who is worthy to make the top ten. Then I need to rate them in order of horribleness.

Thoughts?

No one is antisemitic if you ask them. Not at all!

Certainly not John Galliano, even though you can hear him admiring Hitler in this video. Not Charlie Sheen and not Mel Gibson. These guys were just drunk or stoned and plus, some of their best friends are Jews.

Here is my feeling: Anyone who separates people into Jews and Everyone Else is antisemitic. It is frustrating to argue this point. I tried in another post, when a film reviewer praised an actress for not “trying to mask her Jewishness.” Everyone claimed to be bewildered by the premise that this is clearly antisemitic.

If you tell me about your Jewish friends, you are antisemitic, to my ears. The fact that you distinguish some people as Jews – unless they are orthodox Jews whose lifestyle is defined by religion – then you have a problem.

Me, I’m an atheist but I’m a Jew because my parents and their parents were Jews. The world will always define me as different because the world is nuts. Why the world is nuts about Jews, I don’t know. I’ve been reading about it but I’m not a historian. I don’t need to be a historian to know that most of the world hates Jews.

That’s their problem, though, I’m not going to boycott Galliano because he’s antisemitic. I love his designs and I don’t care about his personal problems. Hating Jews is like hating blacks but more insidious: It’s just ignorance and the need to feel superior. It’s stupid, but evidently we can’t cure stupidity.

Last night I watched a great movie called “The Believer” which caused such an uproar when it was previewed to Jewish leaders that it was released under the radar and disappeared quickly. It’s the true story of a self-hating Jewish student in New York who becomes a neo-Nazi.

Ryan Gosling is the anti-hero. His speech to a group of would-be fascists is so maniacal that it has stayed with me over the years. Each time I see the movie and hear the speech, I laugh out loud at its audacity and absurdity – and because its true. Here it is, copied from the script:

               DANNY
          How many of you think of yourselves
          as anti-Semites?
              (All the hands go up.)
          Good. Actually, the term is a bit
          imprecise since technically Jews are
          only one of the Semitic peoples....
          In fact, Arabs are Semites, as are
          the Eritreans, the Ethiopians, and so
          on.... But for our purposes an anti-
          Semite is someone who hates or is
          against Jews.... Now, why do we hate
          them?

He looks around. The room is silent.

                    DANNY
          Let me put it another way. Do we hate
          them because they push their way in
          where they don't belong? Or because
          they're clannish and keep to themselves?

Murmurs of "Yeah. Both." But some are confused by this.

                    DANNY
          ...Because they're tight with money,
          or because they flash it around?
          Because they're Bolsheviks or because
          they're capitalists? Because they
          have the highest IQs, or because they
          have the most active sex lives?

The audience, confused...

                    DANNY
          Do you want to know the real reason
          we hate them?...

                    DANNY
          ...Because we hate them.
              (as people exchange
               puzzled looks)
          Because they exist. Because it is an
          axiom of civilization that just as
          man longs for woman, loves his
          children and fears death, he hates
          the Jews.
              (smiles)
          There is no reason. If there were,
          some smart-ass kike would give us an
          argument, try to prove we were wrong.
          And of course that would only make us
          hate them more. In fact we have all
          the reasons we need in three simple
          letters: J-E-W. Jew. Say it a million
          times. It is the only word that never
          loses its meaning: Jew Jew Jew Jew
          Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew....