Please force yourself to watch these two minutes of  gibberish, as they will raise your spirits even as they insult your intelligence.  Keep in mind that she’s speaking at a college and yet denigrates college students.

I love this stupid bitch! It’s fun to watch her self-destruct. Cross your fingers that she’ll run in 2012.

Tonight I can truthfully say that I’m sick of everything. Or rather, the same old everything.

I need something new to look at and fixate on.

I can’t take any more dumb idiots, dumb whores or dumb dummies. No more It girls or would-be It Girls. I need images and I need things to stimulate my imagination. I need things to hlep my brain work. I need things to hate but different things.

Here’s Martin Cohn, a boy who looks like a girl.

Here’s Gemma Banks, a girl who looks like a boy.

I realize that pictures of androgenous people are the only things I can stand to look at right now. I can’t figure out why, but I find them very relaxing.   Male models and homo’s. too. I’m deliberately using the word homo because a blog called Homo-something is about homo’s and the word “gay” now sounds condescending to me. If you’re a homo and you object, let me know.

Here’s another girl who looks like a boy.

See? Isn’t that more relaxing than looking at what some moron wore today? I found it at a blog with lots of nice images, whose author is either a boy or girl, I can’t tell from looking at him/her. You go, girl, or boy!

Oops, I found this there, too, so it’s not all androgeny there but also weirdness and some pervy stuff. That blog sent me to this one... where I liked this beautiful Asian-looking girl, or at least I assume it’s a girl.

There are some great images there and no one bothering you with their outfits or their Mom.

Okay, that’s it.   Who has some recommendations for me? Websites, books, music, anything to break the frozen sea within?

At first, you assure yourself that no matter how pathetic you are, you would never stoop so low as to watch “Rock of Love,” because (a) You don’t watch Reality Shows, (b) You’ve always hated Bret Michaels, and (c) There are some things you Just Don’t Do.

Later, your husband develops a perverse fascination with “Rock of Love 3” and you find yourself transfixed by the horror that is Bret Michaels’ face. Still later, you are enslaved by the unspeakably tawdry proceedings, and like a Roman at a vomitorium you lose all sense of shame.

As the series moves towards its conclusion, you are gratified that all the blonds have been kicked off the bus. It’s empowering for brunettes, if being a dumb whore willing to kiss the monstrous lips of Bret Michaels can be considered a good thing. Now there are two dumb whores left, the Girl Next Door and the Penthouse Pet.

Your husband has begun to turn to you and say: “I’m sorry, your tour ends here.” When you scream in anguish, he comes back with “Will you stay on the bus and rock my world?”

It’s beyond horrible. Everything about it is sickening and stupid. But you must know how things turn out!   Will it be Mindy, a moron from Kentucky who finally gets her moustache waxed in the final episode? Or will it be Taya, a steely pro with enormous tits and a husky smoker’s voice?

DUH!

My husband thought it would be Mindy, proving that deep down he’s an Incurable Romantic.

I figured it would be Taya, based on the old maxim that ‘A Penthouse Pet Outranks the Girl Next Door.’ Thank god I was right and thank god it’s over.

Let us think about shoes instead.

These are all from my-wardrobe.com.   The lime satin ones are on sale and they have my size, but eh, I’m just learning to walk again.   What I love about all three is the color.   Each color is a neutral. That’s right, a fucking neutral.   Please don’t argue about it, I am completely drained by that stupid crazy whore.

A neutral color is whatever you say it is. I’ve always thought of red as a neutral, and most of my life I’ve had red shoes or a red bag to prove it.

Shopping at my-wardrobe.com is a lovely experience. Last year I bought a gray leather bomber jacket by Malene Birger. It is soft velvety leather with long zippers at the cuffs. I never wear it but that’s okay because the point of clothes and shoes is to stockpile them.

When the Rapture comes, I’ll have more shoes and clothes than an army of women, and I will be proclaimed the winner of all battles, including the one with you-know-who.