This is what I’ve been praying for: a red lipstick I don’t want!

What a wonderful surprise from Givenchy, the brand of choice for Kim, Kanye, and many other celebrity luminaries. Allow me to fill you in:

French luxury label Givenchy is launching a $300 lipstick in its signature deep red shade in the Le Rouge line, clad in crocodile skin. Limited to only 3,000 pieces, it will be available at Barneys New York starting October. Otherwise priced at only $36, Givenchy’s limited edition Le Rouge gets its staggering price tag from the crocodile skin it’s encapsulated in, patterned on the black and silver tube.

I only hope to meet one of the 3,000 idiots who buy this crocodile-clad piece of shit. Lucky for me that I shot my wad on the stupid Louboutin nail polish!

Okay. I just wanted to share my relief. Now you can go back to what you were doing. xo

Everywhere I go online today, there is shit about Fifty Shades of Grey. I guess there’s a new trailer out, or maybe it’s the first trailer.

I can’t tell you how good it feels to not be interested in this trailer! Not only am I not interested in the trailer, I am not interested in reactions to the trailer!

I can’t wait to not see the actual movie., just as I couldn’t wait to not read the book or learn anything about its author. I admit to having a perverse fondness for really bad writing, and the few excerpts I saw were weapons-grade awful. So kudos to whatshername who wrote it.

Who would like to join me in taking a pledge to not watch this trailer? Maybe we can come up with a badge or membership card or something.

The state of pop culture is so abysmal that it may seem pointless to single out one offender as being too base or stupid to countenance. But I’m drawing my line anyway.

Big deal about bondage, S&M, doms and subs. Just don’t bother me with fifty shades of anything unless it’s red lipstick.

Let’s start with the men. Guys, don’t wear your hair up! If you’re a Sumo wrestler, fine, otherwise, never.

This douche above turned out to be the horrible Edward Zero character, but his name is Alex Ebert and he won a music award.  Jared Leto wore his long hair in a bun/pony tail that I wanted to undo in private, no matter how crazy he is.

Robert Redford doesn’t mind looking like a 200 year old tortoise, whereas Michael Douglas still believes he’s a hottie, even after complaining about his wife’s vag.

The men to have sex with were Idris Elba and Collin Farrell. The men to ridicule are the sanctimonious cunts of U2, who made it clear that they supported Nelson Mandela long before you did. You are nothing compared to them and don’t forget it!

Liev Schreiber cried like a baby and someone who was either Puff Daddy or Jay Z was on hand for no discernible reason.

Leaving the men behind, let’s move on to the weirdest moment : Jacqueline Bisset was  a portrait of  proudly un-botoxed beauty who then lost points for being either nuts or drunk. She seemed more bitter than triumphant, but delivered the most uncomfortable appearance since Lauren Bacall’s stroke. In the audience, Jessica Lange’s face-lift registered seething anger at losing to Bisset.

Sandra Bullock wore the worst dress, unless you prefer Julia Roberts in that category. Robin Penn Warren looked like a sleek man, and Olivia Wilde looked like a shimmering pregnant mermaid – gorgeous!

Diane Keaton contrasted her beautifully thick poufy hair with a wrinkly smoker’s face and almost pulled off a certain dignified charm until she sang a Girl Scout song in a crazy little girl voice.

Red lipstick was in short supply compared to last year. Cate Blanchett wore a nice blue-red, Juliette Binoche wore a bright red that was too orangey for her teeth, and Drew Barrymore chose a vivid fluorescent red that may have been MAC Ruby Woo or Beso by Stilla.

Now I’m worn out. What did I forget?

I just found out that MAC produced this beautiful red lipstick without telling me, and it sold out in three hours. This is a fucking outrage. I blame everybody.

It was part of MAC’s collaboration with Rihanna, whose lipstick is one of the few good things abut her, in my opinion. I also like her subtle pink ‘THUG LIFE’ knuckles tattoo.

Anyway, I’m mad but I will go on living because MAC is bringing back “RiRi Woo” in October, and it will look like this:

Here is the excitingest part – it looks almost exactly like my all-time favorite matte red, Ruby Woo, but IT’S STILL DIFFERENT! Look:  Riri Woo on the left, Ruby Woo on the right.

Godammit!!!! Right??

If I don’t get this lipstick, there will be consequences.

Monastic minimalism from J. JS Lee for Fall 2011. You could add color to these elegant somber looks with the bright green suede boots we are   all waiting for.

And you can add the brand’s black  leather  satchel, for a chic  masculine  look with a hint of schoolgirl.

The older I get, the more I see the practicality of a stark, austere uniform to set off one’s red lipstick and, god willing, some green boots.

A white shirt with black trousers and red lipstick. This picture makes me sad for every other garment and cosmetic item, which are all clearly superfluous.

~

Ralph Lauren Fall 2011, model Sui He.

The Man Repeller is not just repelling men. Consider me repelled. I don’t think I “get” her, but I don’t think I’d like her if I did.

Why is she everywhere?? Why is she so connected, because there is no other way this girl would be in Harper’s Bazaar, and the subject of nearly every fashion or blog related article on the internet.

Am I resentful? DUH, fuck yes! Why isn’t the world adoring me instead?!?

I’ve been mocking ugly clothes for years now. I’m funny and I have a way with words, ahem.   But I don’t have a schtick! Damn me, this must be the problem. Unless it’s because I’m a cunt, rather than just “snarky.”

I don’t understand how a rich girl who talks about getting cabs in Paris and buys high-end designer stuff can position herself as a critic of fashion victims. I don’t understand why anyone wants to hear the word “ladyboner” or why people begin sentences with the words “I mean.” You can’t begin a sentence with “I mean” unless someone has posed the question, “What do you mean?”

I just read an excruciating interview with the Man Repeller in which she observes that red lipstick is not appealing to men but she finds it sexy. Haha, you silly goose, you clearly know nothing about men or red lipstick! I need you to either go away or give me your parents’ money so I can fix my roof and my two broken teeth.

A leaking roof and broken teeth: That’s what man repelling is all about.

I am a Biped from Sister Wolf on Vimeo.

Ooooooooooh!

This lipstick is the business. That kid knows his red, doesn’t he??