Once upon a time, Mrs. Palin was just a poor innocent little girl whose only friends were a pair of huge prawns. As she grew up with only a voracious appetite for power to substitute for intellect, she turned her back on those faithful prawns. She found herself a baby with Down Syndrome and decided to use it as both sword and shield.

She found out that a TV show called Family Guy made a joke about her. She went and made her daughter Bristol write a crybaby communique on Facebook, complaining that the Family Guy writers were heartless jerks. Waaah!

But Mrs. Palin and Bristol were too retarded dumb to figure out that the Down Syndrome character in the family Guy episode was portrayed as a normal young woman out on a date! A woman who assertively instructs her date to pay more attention to her needs.

The actress who gave voice to that character has spoken out. Yay! She doesn’t know why Mrs. Palin has no sense of humor. And she doesn’t know why Mrs. P is so mad.   She explains: “I’m like, I’m not Trig.”

YES! She is not Trig. Can we have a fucking moratorium on Trig? No? Then, how about an organized opposition among the disabled community against being used to further the agenda of a delusional megalomaniac? Our “special needs” kids are regular people, not Perfect Little Gifts From God to stop everyone from having the option of abortion.

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I am working on a word salad to represent all that is repellent about Mrs. P.   I’m not finished yet, but so far it goes like this:

Our great country full of real people, real people who have to put fresh moose protein on the table, not to be lectured by a Harvard lawyer, but also too the terrorists who seek to hide behind our great constitution, where Putin and others like him may wish to use Death Panels to kill my precious baby, unlike the real America, real hard workin’ Americans, if you just let the private sector do its work, use some of those good decent common sense values, like those out on the north Slope, those written by our Founding Fathers, I can tell you as a mother of five who chose Life along with some good natural Alaskan moose with which this great country is so rich in natural old and gas, we can make America great again. God bless you!

Now, to add to Piper’s spinning head, there seems to be new Trig.   This is not the Trig Mrs. P paraded around at the RNC.

Did she swap Trig for this new model to distract us from Piper’s spinning head? To tell you the truth, I don’t know what this bitch is up to, after reading an extensive expose of her affiliation with a super-crazy element of Christian extremism called the   New Apostolic Reformation theology.   An arm of this movement is the Spiritual Warfare network, and let’s just say it’s beliefs are truly koo-koo for coco-puffs.   You can bone up on it here or you can just plan to stay far away from Alaska once she returns to carry out her plan of destroying all its endangered species and finding a way to create nuculer energy our of special needs kids.

If you’d like to see her lies debunked about wanting to be a Friend to special needs kids, go here.

An article in the Sunday New York Times is already online, outlining the shifting narratives of Grandpa’s campaign, and recounting his first private meeting with Mrs. Palin at his ranch in Arizona. One can only imagine them playing footsie as they drank their mugs of coffee and regaled each other with tales of their mavericky ways.

Pap Smear, I have taken some ‘medication” prescribed for me by the lord and it’s time to go and worship at the church I call My Freezer, where the sacriment of Banana Nut Ice Cream awaits me.   Sleep tight.

Is Mrs. Palin a human life? This is a critical question for me, not to mention this great country of ours.

Dr. James Dobson, a lunatic evangelist, spoke with Mrs. Palin oh his radio show today. It was an orgy of mutual ass-kissing that only a full-fledged Christian Zombie could stomach. It was god this, god that, with a nice emphasis on “special needs children.”

Mrs. P was happy to praise herself for giving birth to little Trig, who is god’s special way of showing his blessing.   She revealed that she had spent much of her pregnancy on her knees, ahem, praying for guidance.

Now of course, she loves those special needs kids so much that she is speaking against a Colorado initiative that was designed to help the state’s developmentally disabled population by raising the sales tax by one cent for every ten dollars spent in the next two years.

Also too, Mrs. P cut in half her own great state of Alaska’s funding for its Special Olympics program.

Once you’ve recovered from the interview, if you have been so privileged, you can go to the Pray For Sarah page where there is a cute little graph of the whole Palin family.

Mrs. P is reportedly scheduled to give her first policy speech tomorrow, “highlighting her commitment to families with special needs.”   If god is out there, couldn’t he smite her down with lightning? Couldn’t he choose her to suffer for our sins, rather than make us suffer for hers?

I know I speak for Dr. Dobson and everyone else when I say that I appreciate the sanctity of human life. But does Mrs. Palin herself actually qualify? I see no signs of this. All the more reason to get those medical records!

Are you wondering why Little Piper is carrying a $6,000 Louis Vuitton handbag? Oh, you, don’t be gettin’ all excited and thinkin’ that Mrs. P is planning on KEEPING that expensive stuff from Saks and Neiman Marcus! It’s all goin’ back! You know how Neiman’s lets you go around with your purchases and then lets you give ’em back! Some of it is going to charity, of course.   Heaven knows, disabled kids love them some Louis Vuitton!