Mrs. Palin’s longtime hair stylist, Jessica Steele, is in deep shit.

After telling the New York Times that Mrs. P’s hair was thinning and needed emergency help, she retracted this bombshell on Twitter, obviously afraid for her life and the safety of her family.

Not wishing to be busted for running a meth lab, Ms. Steele now tells the Boston Globe that the real emergency re Palin’s hair is that it had lost its shine.

“I think [it’s] the combination of traveling and just being down there in the lower 48. We needed to get her back to shiny.’

She reveals that she trimmed Mrs. Palin’s hair and then “kicked up’’ her shampoo and conditioner a notch.

According to Ms. Steele, who will have to retract this ASAP if she knows what’s good for her, Mrs. Palin left the salon with a bottle of shampoo and conditioner by the elitist socialist brand Pureology, at $48 each.

Looking into our Magic PAP-Smear Crystal Ball , I see trouble brewing for everyone concerned in this Hairgate fiasco.     Mrs. P will not be able to justify spending that kind of money on hair products to those real Americans who share her real American values and want to progress this great country with its vast energy resources and healthy salmon, etc etc.

She will have to either blame this on her PAC fund or maybe on some blogger just sittin’ home in their stained undershirt [I was described this way be a conservative blog that didn’t like my use of the word “cunt’ for some reason.)

Or Jessica Steele will mysteriously disappear. Run, Jessica Steele, run like the wind!

While we await the next Hairgate development, let us enjoy the fact that Pureology proudly supports Global Green USA, good friends of the Sister Wolf family who operate under the assumption that global warming actually exists and isn’t just a Liberal Media concoction like evolution.

On an even more personal note: Haha Mrs. Palin, I live in one of the lower 48 and my hair is shiny AND thick!

To every right-wing asshole who has blighted our lives during this election: HAHA! WE WON!!

Haha! to Fox “News”

Haha! to Rush Limbaugh

Haha! to racists

Haha! to Todd and Sarah

Haha! to Karl Rove

Haha! to War Criminals Bush and Cheney

Feel free to add your own Haha.   I love my passionate commenters and I am grateful for all your support during this fight against stupidity, lies and bigotry.   If you want to here me rant again on Australian radio, go here and click on “Hair of the Blog 2/11.”

PAP Smear, congratulations and blessings be upon you! People DO have the power. If we can’t all get together for Obama’s inauguration, we can at least drink a toast to victory together.

Tomorrow, I plan to be mad about something else. What a fucking relief!

In an exclusive interview with Paul Bedard for the US News and World Report, Mrs. P casually quotes Plato:

“It’s like Plato said, ‘You learn more about someone in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.’ We’ve had people that Todd has ended up hiring [for his commercial fishing business] based on how they did out on a hunt or a snow machine ride with us to see if they are going to complain. Are they going to buck up and realize that you have to make the best of the circumstances you’re in? It’s a good kind of testing ground for people.”

And here I’ve been callin’ her stupid! No way! She not only knows her Plato, but she knows how to take the measure of a man by torturing him on a snow machine ride to see if he’s going to complain!

Many’s the time I’ve been out on a hunt or snow machine ride, out in the freezing cold, with no moose for miles around and a couple of nutcases wielding shotguns, and I have to admit that like the worthless pussy I am, I start to complain. I can’t even tell you how many commercial fishing jobs I’ve missed out on, not to mention beauty contests and runs for the VP of the United States!

In this same interview, she says she prefers to hunt caribou rather than moose, because: “it’s kind of more family oriented.” Well, duh, anyone knows that!

I don’t know, I’m so tired of all this and yet it’s like Plato said, I hate this awful woman and the dead moose she rode in on.

Also too, I was privileged to see for the first time on this great internet of ours, Sarah Palin’s flute performance in the talent portion of the Miss Wasilla Beauty Pageant. Happy to share it with ya’. On the same page is the evening gown segment! I’m sure she’s blaming the RNC or Grandpa himself for picking out that trashy sequined monstrosity.

PAP Smear members, one more week to go!

If you’re not in a coma, you already know that you’ll be rocking some leather leggings this winter, no matter what. They sold out at Topshop in around five minutes, but too bad for you. You may have to buy the ones by the Olsen twins, or the ones by Rag and Bone. The leather leggings at net-a-porter are already sold out too, but you can get the equally slutty PVC leggings while you wait for a new shipment.

Here is an enticing description of them:

“Amp up your rock kudos with the cult-status Les Chiffoniers PVC leggings. A sleek pant which definitely calls for some serious stilettos!”

Personally, I am against marching in lock-step with the Fashion Nazis, even when the It Item is something I actually like. I hate being told what to do! Just ask my husband, or anyone I’ve ever worked for. And god knows I don’t want to amp up my rock kudos!

So I won’t be rocking the leather leggings. But how about rocking some sequin leggings instead?! They will go with anything in your wardrobe, especially if you’re an off-duty pole-dancer or a Las Vegas showgirl.

You can get them at Intermix. Or if you really want to get some attention, what about these “genie pants?”

You can get these hideous pants at Shopbop, where I feel so at home that the models are like old friends, only I hate them.

Were you worried that I forgot to mention Mrs. P, the bane of my existence? Well, worry not. Here is a brief round-up while you’re waiting for our Monday night PAP Smear meeting (and the new shipment of leather leggings….)

1. Mrs. P just got caught telling a great big ol’ lie! SNAP!
2. The First Dude is flouting the law in Alaska.
3. They even hate Mrs. P in Uganda! That bitch cuts a wide swath.
4. I have begin to crack the Palin Code! Bristol really means ‘pistol’ and Trig is short for ‘trigger!’ Isn’t this exciting! That’s as far as I got, but I know annemarie will work out the rest.