Mrs. Palin: Getting Her Back to Shiny


Mrs. Palin’s longtime hair stylist, Jessica Steele, is in deep shit.

After telling the New York Times that Mrs. P’s hair was thinning and needed emergency help, she retracted this bombshell on Twitter, obviously afraid for her life and the safety of her family.

Not wishing to be busted for running a meth lab, Ms. Steele now tells the Boston Globe that the real emergency re Palin’s hair is that it had lost its shine.

I think [it’s] the combination of traveling and just being down there in the lower 48. We needed to get her back to shiny.’

She reveals that she trimmed Mrs. Palin’s hair and then “kicked up’’ her shampoo and conditioner a notch.

According to Ms. Steele, who will have to retract this ASAP if she knows what’s good for her, Mrs. Palin left the salon with a bottle of shampoo and conditioner by the elitist socialist brand Pureology, at $48 each.

Looking into our Magic PAP-Smear Crystal Ball , I see trouble brewing for everyone concerned in this Hairgate fiasco.     Mrs. P will not be able to justify spending that kind of money on hair products to those real Americans who share her real American values and want to progress this great country with its vast energy resources and healthy salmon, etc etc.

She will have to either blame this on her PAC fund or maybe on some blogger just sittin’ home in their stained undershirt [I was described this way be a conservative blog that didn’t like my use of the word “cunt’ for some reason.)

Or Jessica Steele will mysteriously disappear. Run, Jessica Steele, run like the wind!

While we await the next Hairgate development, let us enjoy the fact that Pureology proudly supports Global Green USA, good friends of the Sister Wolf family who operate under the assumption that global warming actually exists and isn’t just a Liberal Media concoction like evolution.

On an even more personal note: Haha Mrs. Palin, I live in one of the lower 48 and my hair is shiny AND thick!

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13 Responses to Mrs. Palin: Getting Her Back to Shiny

  1. alittlelux says:

    your hair is pretty luscious…

  2. Mark says:

    Palin is probably feeding Ms. Steele to Trig right now.

  3. Yah to your hair! Good grief does the woman’s vanity know no bounds?!

  4. Juri says:

    Oh, she does not intend to keep the Pureology shampoo and conditioner! She didn’t even ask for them in the first place – any more than she asked for those campaign clothes the main stream socialists made such a fuss about during the campaign. Just like she was only too happy to get back to wearing her own clothes from her favourite consignment shop in Anchorage, she’s dying to get back to using her own hair products from her favourite grocer, Shop Rite Supermarket in Wasilla, Alaska.

    Also too, your hair is thick and shiny because you’re a part of a very liberal fraction of the lower 48, which is not a part of the real America any ways. I betcha there is a portrait of you, hidden in a closet somewhere, and in that portrait your hair, or what’s left of it, is getting thinner and less shiny every time you refuse to admit the fact that a man named Noah really did exist and went to that ark with all those animals which had been named by Adam. You would know better if you weren’t blinded by the unamerican main stream media that hates our freedom and wants to help that black Kenyan Muslim, Mr. Hussain, further his socialist agenda.

  5. David Duff says:

    Yes, yes, but Mrs. Palin is soooo 2008! You need, ‘Sis’, to, er, smell the zeitgeist (have I got that right, I’m not awfully good at modern jargon?) So please (or should that be ‘pur-leeese’?) tell us what you think of fancy Nancy. Is her hair shrinking, do you think, because that’s sooo obviously a wig she’s wearing, or is it that her mouth and teeth are so enormous it looks as though her skin is shrinking? In case you need a reminder you can find a really flattering picture of her here:

  6. OMGGMAB says:

    Forget the hair! What Palin needs is a shiny new personality that’s not based on narcissism. I’m sure Jessica Steele could help out by selling Palin a bottle of Personology. It’s right next to the Soulology, another worthwhile cleansing product.

  7. ash says:

    You are my favorite hater! No matter how much money Palin spends on her shampoo, I bet it still smells like ignorance! xoxoxo!

  8. Deni says:

    You are my favorite wit at work. Read into what you may. Thanks for the morning read . . . now it’s time for me to disappear down the rabbit hole for another 8 hours (where many Palin wannabes lurk).

  9. Andra says:

    Has no-one noticed the insane glint in that woman’s eyes in the photo above?
    There lurks a serial killer for sure …. and not just moose!

  10. HelOnWheels says:

    Andra is right; there’s all kinds of crazy in Palin’s eyes in that photo. It’s actually scacry if you look at it for more than 2 seconds.

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