After initially dismissing the HBO vampire series “True Blood” as cartoonish, I am now completely hooked. The most recent episode was truly disgusting, wasn’t it?! Watching Tara and Eggs eat the you-know-what (not a spoiler!!) I was close to gagging.

What a great show! All the hunky gayness and intensity of Six Feet Under without the painful insights and lingering grief.

One of the scariest aspects of True Blood is its portrait of crazy, fear-mongering Christians. The characters are over the top, yes, but no more so than the lunatics we are seeing on the news every day, warning about Obama’s “Death Panels” and killing innocent children and grandmas.

Mrs. Palin has been one of the most vocal of the right wing fear-mongers, once again exploiting that poor little Trig instead of getting him the services he needs. Her ceaseless squawking about Death Panels and euthanasia has prompted reporters to look into her own policies on health-care as Governor of Alaska. Sure enough, Mrs. Palin was in favor of providing ‘end-of-life’ counseling, the very same measure she now finds so deplorable.

Sarah, you ignorant slut, when will you learn to keep your mouth shut and stop makin’ things up?!   The video below reminds us how art imitates life in the case of True Blood’s fanatical Fellowship of the Sun.   It also reminds us to fear ignorance more than hunky vampires.

Jesus, enough with the public confessions!

Watching the latest apology on TV tonight has been torture. Governor Mark Sanford has got to be the stupidest idiot who ever had an extra-marital affair, going on about it for a full twenty minute press conference.   He really gives politicians a bad name with this kind of behavior. I was so embarrassed for him, I had to cover my face!   He looked like he wanted to relive the entire thing on camera, even though he began by offering an apology to his wife and 4 “precious” sons.

“I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”

UGH!   God, sickening.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: DO NOT CONFESS! Even if your spouse finds you in bed with someone, deny it! Bill Clinton tried to do the decent thing and lie, but no, that wasn’t okay with Ken Starr.

Let’s say you know you’re not good at lying but you’re going to have an affair. Do everyone a favor and dispense with the immature email! I know Mrs. Sanford would rather find correspondence that got straight to the point.   “It was great to fuck you, can’t wait to do it again!” would be so much easier t live with.

Those family values types are the worst, aren’t they? Maybe they enjoy the confessing part more than the sex part. If only they could either avoid getting caught or shut the hell up.

It stands to reason that a fucking moron with no facility for the English language would be offered several million dollars to write a book.

Robert Barnett, the attorney who brokered the deal with HarperCollins, is also quite the linguist. He says: “Every word of the book will be her words.”   He certainly seems qualified to helps her, doesn’t him?

Ah, Mrs. P. Just when I’ve decided it’s time for me to write a book, you go and piss me off again.   I know you have more of a story to tell, but still, you are incapable of telling it.   Also too, you will just use all that money to advance your awful agenda. Neiman Marcus, look out!

Will the book be a best seller? Does Todd Palin shit in the woods? It will be massive. We will see her face on every TV screen, once again, and in our dreams. There will be no escape.

Some blogger in their pajamas in their parents’ basement will have to calculate how much money she gets paid per lie. I’m really creeping myself out here.

I wanted to call my life story “Ordeal,” but Linda Lovelace stole that title years ago. What will Mrs. P call her memoir? We should start working on this, in case she asks for suggestions!   Let’s listen to her discuss her exciting project:

“Being a voracious reader, I read a lot today and have read a lot growing up. And having that journalism degree, all of that, will be a great assistance for me in writing this book, talking about the challenges and the joys, balancing the work and parenting, and, in my case, work means running the state.“

“I’ve read a variety of books, and that helps shape my opinions and my views.“

Well, I’m sold.

]]> https://godammit.com/mrs-ps-book-deal/feed/ 14 1960 https://godammit.com/is-sarah-palin-a-man/ https://godammit.com/is-sarah-palin-a-man/#comments Mon, 03 Nov 2008 07:36:12 +0000 http://www.godammit.com/?p=1289 Continue reading →]]>

It’s November 2, and Mrs. Palin has failed to produce her medical records.   “We’ll let you know when we have something to say,” Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella said on Thursday. On Saturday, Comella had no comment when asked about it by ABC reporter Kate Snow.

Here are the top five reasons mentioned by bloggers who wonder what the records are hiding:

1) She had a tubal ligation procedure after 4th child
2) She has only given birth to four children
3) She has had an abortion
4) She has had plastic surgery
5) She has had an STD

But wait! WHAT IF MRS. PALIN IS REALLY A MAN!

Think about it. Loves to hunt and kill animals. Dresses like a drag queen (sorry, drag queens, I’m talking about a really style-challenged white-trash drag queen!) No maternal instincts. No breastfeeding. Overly aggressive. Lives with a submissive hunk.

Godammit dot com, that bitch is a fucking man. No wonder she can’t release those records! And no wonder so many men feel inexplicably drawn to her…..

PAP Smear members, what do we think?

We are very near the end of a long, excruciating road. We’ve laughed and cried together. Soon, we’ll know whether some of us have to move to Canada or Iceland. We may never know the meaning of life, but we know without a doubt that Trig isn’t Mrs. P’s baby. And also too, we will never be able to think about Valentino without cringing a little.

That horrible Palin woman is finally unraveling before our eyes, and I can only think it’s the brave members of PAP Smear who are behind this holy miracle!

Today, Tanning-gate (the news that Mrs. P installed a tanning bed in the governor’s mansion) spread like wildfire across cyberspace.   Is this the famously frugal governor who tried to sell a plane on eBay? Or is it the nutty behavior of an ex-beauty queen who puts her looks before cancer? I LOVE IT.

I also love how her claim that Alaska produces 20% of the country’s energy has been debunked: that figure would actually be 3%.

Troopergate: Now she refuses to speak to investigators because she says the whole investigation is “tainted.” Of course it’s tainted, you lying moron! It’s tainted by your own deceitful machinations.

While all this wonderful shit is hitting the fan, I am secretly a little in awe of Mrs. P. Earlier this evening, I decided to be Sarah Palin, and it was much harder than I expected. Both of my sons were hanging out, burning or ripping CD’s, but neither of them wanted to stop for a moment to take a photo for me. It took a lot of whining on my part, a phone-call to my husband to allow the use of his camera, complaints from one son while the other started lecturing that no one walks the dog enough.

Giving up on the photo, I started cooking dinner. Somehow, the cross-complaining and phone-calling got me so anxious that I dropped a steak on the floor while trying to flip it over. I screamed and washed it off before returning it to the frying pan.   The sons walked the dog together and ate the steaks, but I was through trying to be Sarah Palin.

I have no idea how this bitch manages a household of four children and one grandchild, a job, rifles and hunting knives, a tanning bed and who know how much else.   Oh god, I forgot about going to church. This bitch is a damn efficient multitasker, let us give her that.

But even as we watch the lies come to light, the stupidity on display as she refuses to speak to members of the press, we must remain vigilant, PAP Smear members! It will be a wild ride of swiftboating as election day looms closer. We need to continue to cause trouble for Palin, no matter how golden her tan.

Has anyone got anything to report? Someone will take the minutes, maybe Bex or Najda? Okay good. We are very very lucky to have Imelda Matt on board, and I don’t need to tell you about his work with a taser. Annemarie, can you create an important position for Imelda? She has the experience we need, and she MAY even be able to see Russia or some other big land mass from her bedroom window!