Never mind the pedophilia and rape, what really bothers me about Jeffery Epstein is his fancy crib, as described by journalist Vicky Ward, for Vanity Fair. It is said to be Manhattan’s largest private residence.

Inside, amid the flurry of menservants attired in sober black suits and pristine white gloves, you feel you have stumbled into someone’s private Xanadu. This is no mere rich person’s home, but a high-walled, eclectic, imperious fantasy that seems to have no boundaries. The entrance hall is decorated not with paintings but with row upon row of individually framed eyeballs; these, the owner tells people with relish, were imported from England, where they were made for injured soldiers.

Individually framed eyeballs??? Motherfucker!

Next comes a marble foyer, which does have a painting, in the manner of Jean Dubuffet … but the host coyly refuses to tell visitors who painted it. In any case, guests are like pygmies next to the nearby twice-life-size sculpture of a naked African warrior.

Okay, so, menservants wearing white gloves and a sculpture of a giant naked African? This sounds like some kind of satire, maybe an Evelyn Waugh novel making fun of Colonialists. But no, this is a real person, someone admired by the heads of industry and rulers of nations, Nobel Prize winning scientists and Harvard Professors.

Guests are invited to lunch or dinner at the town house—Epstein usually refers to the former as “tea,” since he likes to eat bite-size morsels and drink copious quantities of Earl Grey.

Earl Grey tea, for fuck sake. But wait.

Tea is served in the “leather room,” so called because of the cordovan-colored fabric on the walls. The chairs are covered in a leopard print, and on the wall hangs a huge, Oriental fantasy of a woman holding an opium pipe and caressing a snarling lionskin.

Now it sounds like a Monty Python skit or a James Bond movie. And it keeps getting better!

Upstairs…the office features a gilded desk (which Epstein tells people belonged to banker J. P. Morgan), 18th-century black lacquered Portuguese cabinets, and a nine-foot ebony Steinway “D” grand. On the desk, a paperback copy of the Marquis de Sade’s The Misfortunes of Virtue was recently spotted. Covering the floor, Epstein has explained, “is the largest Persian rug you’ll ever see in a private home—so big, it must have come from a mosque.”

What a fucking cunt!!! Isn’t this just stupefying? How could people take this cunt seriously? It’s like his whole deal is to personify decadence, in the most obvious and trite way possible. I’m surprised he didn’t insist on speaking French or flaunting a pair of pet leopards wearing diamond necklaces. His lifestyle reminds me of Huysmans’ vision of a depraved aesthete, but without the artistry or novelty.

What a waste of money Jeffrey Epstein is. The grown men who were impressed by this shit deserve to go to jail just on principle. What repulsive fuckers. I hope he was blackmailing all of them and that they are outed with all due fanfare.

While I can’t excuse Epstein’s failure in the pet leopard department, here’s a little flourish that deserves a few points for pretentiousness:

[There is] a stuffed black poodle, standing atop the grand piano. “No decorator would ever tell you to do that,” Epstein brags to visitors. “But I want people to think what it means to stuff a dog.”

Aww, that’s nice.

What do you want for Jeffrey Epstein? Don’t hold back.

Jared Kushner has been, until now,  a specter of robotic evil in our midst. We know his vacant, girlish face and stiff walk. We know he was born “Jerilyn” somewhere in a New Jersey laboratory. But now we can see him in action, thanks to Axios.

Watching him closely, you can see that he is able to raise one eyebrow! Added to his grimace, that’s two facial movements. More than a Ken doll but less than, say, Ivanka, who can smile, look smug, and laugh with all her teeth showing.

Have you noticed how smooth and glowing his skin in ? It’s almost shiny. Now we can see that it’s a thin coating of sperm, acquired from his father-in-law. I don’t know who applies it, but they do a great job. It probably has a high SPF factor to maintain the lily whiteness.

Is Jared really a “Jew”? I can’t believe that he shares my esteemed, ahem, lineage. Just like when the Son of Sam killer turned out to be Jewish, the tribe was relieved to discover he was adopted. Jared is no Jew, or if he is, he is traif.

Why is Jared in charge of so many critical missions as senior advisor to the President? Would you put him in charge of watering your lawn? Would you trust him near young children? Or puppies?

Asked if the Birther shit was racist, Jared insists that he wasn’t part of it.

Was the Holocaust racist? How about lynch mobs? Armenian Genocide?

How should Jared know, HE WASN’T PART OF IT, okay?

What a fucking cunt this cunt is.

How sick are you of hearing Trump say the word “baby?” Bad enough that he uses it to insult others but now he’s going around insisting that he isn’t one.

BUT HE IS! He’s a big goddamn baby who can’t take any criticism, who doesn’t know how to say he’s sorry, who doesn’t know how heartbreakingly dumb he is, and who walks around with toilet paper on his shoe! BABY!

He has baby hands, a baby pout, a baby’s rage at Mommy, and let’s face it, all women are  stand-ins for his bad mommy. That’s why he’s so deranged about Hillary, Stormi, and Nancy Pelosi. Let’s not forget Dr. Blasey Ford, either. If you’re not Ivanka, you’re just a menstruating horse-faced pigdog.

Two days ago, he insisted that the “caravan” of people heading our way from Honduras and Guatemala are criminals, even terrorists, and felt compelled to use the B-word:

If you have a twitter account, stop reading for a minute and go tweet at Donald Trump. Tell him he’s a baby. Do this for your country and for your blood pressure. Do it for the knot in your stomach when you hear his voice or see his face. Do it because you’re not allowed to kill him. Do it for every tired refugee hoping for a better life. Do it because he’s ruined democracy.

Then come back and tell me how it felt. I don’t have any stickers like the one that says “I Voted” but virtue is it’s own reward, okay?

xoxo

Aren’t you tired of hearing yourself yell or mutter the same words when Trump rears his ugly head? Fucker! Piece of shit! Stupid fucking liar! Fat scumbag! Dumbass!

Let’s mix things up. Instead of idiot, try:

fool, ass, halfwit, dunce, tool, clown, dolt, prick, douche, ignoramus, monstrosity, cretin, moron, imbecile, simpleton, dope,  nincompoop, chump, dimwit, dumbo, dummy, dum-dum, jackass, blockhead, bonehead, knucklehead, fathead, butthead, numbskull, knuckle-dragger, dipstick, meathead, meatball, airhead, peabrain, birdbrain, mouth-breather, jerk, nitwit, hoser, schmuck, putz, bozo, turkey, vulgarian, chowderhead, oaf, wanker, ding-dong, yo-yo, lummox, low-life, piece of trash.

Instead of contemptible, even though it’s the perfect word for him, there are more adjectives to throw around:

despicable, detestable, hateful, reprehensible, deplorable, unspeakable, disgraceful, shameful, ignominious, abject, discreditable, worthless, beyond contempt, shameful, odious, loathsome, puerile, repellent, repulsive, repugnant, monstrous, sleazy, swinish.

I’m pretty sure you can mix ‘n match. Let me try.

Abject cretin. Worthless prick. Yes!

Okay, so what epithet do you use most often for that cunt?

If only!

“I’m gonna Kill the President” A Federal Offense is the name of a play that was written and produced by a dear friend of mine in 2004. It won an award from the L.A. Weekly and I wish I’d gone to see it. One performance was raided by police, and the audience thought it was part of the show. Chaos ensued. My friend can tell you the details.

Here’s a short news thing about the play:

I’m hoping this delightful piece of guerilla theater returns, because you know, Now More Than Ever!!! And because it feels good to say the words out loud. It’s nice to know that you can make such statements if it’s clear that you aren’t serious. It is protected free speech.

So, just kidding, I really wish that someone would kill the President and get it over with. Kidding again, I wish that Trump and Pence could drown peacefully or peacefully die of food poisoning.

Sticking with humor, I would shoot that corrupt piece of shit myself if I could get close enough, lol.

Here’s a good joke: What if all the republicans – and democrats – who have enabled this administration to dismantle everything helpful to the citizens and future citizens of the US, could be sent to Siberia or at least lose their jobs and their pensions???

Just kidding around, I would also like to know why all the press, and I mean ALL, have agreed among themselves to exclude any mention of Baron Trump from their reporting on the White House. No other child of a sitting President has enjoyed such a scrupulous hands-off policy. If it’s because Barron is autistic, we the people can handle that information. I believe we are entitled to it. Many of us have autism ourselves or in our families. It should not be up to the press to decide what we should know! How paternalistic! What else have they decided to protect us from knowing? The silence surrounding Barron Trump implies that his condition is too awful to mention, and somehow shameful. What services is he getting? Which of them are available to families with limited finances?

I’m just kidding when I say, look at this poor miserable child whose dad had chosen to both put him in the spotlight and to hide him away like Mrs. Rochester in the attic!

Just kidding when I say that Donald Trump is an abomination who should spend the rest of his life in a cage at the Southern border. Because we’re not monsters, we could give him some lego to build a wall. And if he’s molested by employees of his detention center, we’ll say “Fake News!” Get it?

Watching Jeff Sessions smile as he quoted the Bible to justify his immigration policy, I was chilled to the core. Surely this cunt is the Devil Himself! Not to downgrade Trump, who is an abomination, but I think with Sessions we are truly looking into the heart of the Prince of Darkness.

Who else would express glee at hurting children? While spouting scripture?

Let’s quote Shakespeare instead. The devil can cite scripture for his purpose.

Maybe Jeff grew up hoping to walk in the footsteps of Dr. Mengele? Here we thought he was just a hateful racist.

We just can’t sit around while brown-skinned children are rounded up and put in detention camps. I mean, what next? Is this just a way to make money for private companies with ties to Trump and CO.? There are already plans to build several new “facilities.”

When things don’t make sense, the answer is usually “money.”

Fuck this!  Unacceptable, motherfuckers! This is the time to say Enough Fascist Nazi Shit.

Want to help? Find a protest to attend in your city or chip in to eight critical groups working to protect kids separated from their families by ICE:

We Belong Together – women for common sense immigration policies

https://www.webelongtogether.org/

United We Dream – the largest immigrant youth-led network in the country
https://unitedwedream.org/

Women’s Refugee Commission – advocating for the rights and protection of women, children, and youth fleeing violence and persecution

Home

ACLU – fighting attacks through the legal system

Home

Kids In Need of Defense (KIND) – protecting unaccompanied children who enter the US immigration system alone to ensure that no child appears in court without an attorney.

Home Kids in Need of Defense (KIND)

Asylum Seeker Advocacy Project – providing asylum seekers with legal aid and community support across the country

https://asap.urbanjustice.org/

Human Rights First – helping refugees obtain asylum in the U.S.

Home

La Union del Pueblo Entero – founded by Cesar Chavez and Dolores Huerta, a community union that works in the Rio Grande Valley from the grassroots up

Welcome. Bienvenido.

If you’re like me, and I know you are, you feel overwhelmed by the current plague of horrible old white guys who are doing their best to ruin our lives while brazenly or covertly enriching themselves.

Forgetting about Trump for one moment if that is possible, let’s take inventory.

Pence, Gorsuch, Bannon, Trey Gowdy, Jeffrey Lord, Roger Stone, Tom Price, Jeff Sessions and Mitch McConnell.

These are the once that are bothering me the most, but I know they’re just a fraction of the pestilence. They are the figureheads. When I see any of these fuckers on the news, I am filled with disgust. I think it’s fair to say they are all child molesters, even if they aren’t.

Pence is a real  weasel, isn’t he? His squeaky clean altar boy image is particularly offensive. As if he didn’t know about Mike Flynn and Russia. As if he sleeps with his wife. What a despicable cunt he is.

I am especially enraged at the moment by Mitch McConnell, and I know I’m affected by his physical repulsiveness. Hey, I’m human, alright? He looks like a turtle but it’s so much more. You just know instinctively that he’d murder a bus full of school children if it meant he could stay in power a little longer. He is pure evil. He’s the reason we need to limit senate terms.

I don’t want to give short shrift to the others, but I want to move on to my central issue here, which is, how to rate the horrible old white guys who are blighting our lives. We need a system. It’s not really adequate to rate them by how sickening they are. Being physically repellent is a quality they all share but what about the level of corruption? The monumental hypocrisy? The smugness? The propensity for metaphorical or literal child molesting?

Let’s put on our thinking caps, shall we?

I’ve listed 9 horrible old bastards and I need one more who is worthy to make the top ten. Then I need to rate them in order of horribleness.

Thoughts?

After Kellyanne Conway flashed members of the Black Caucus in the Oval Office, it became clear that only Sharon Stone is qualified to portray her in the movie.

The movie will actually be a 6 episode series on Netflix, with Pee Wee Herman as Reince Priebus and Ellen DeGeneris as Mike Pence. Paris Hilton will co-star as Ivanka, with Adam Levine as Jared “but he’s Jewish!” Kushner.

Lyle Lovett will play Paul Ryan, with the great Orson Wells as Steve Bannon. I know Orson Wells is dead, okay, I’m not an idiot. I’m just saying, dig him up, brush him off just a tiny bit, and voila, a rotting Bannon!

Mickey Rourke stars as The Donald, and has agreed to put on 300 pounds for the role. In her first dramatic role, Caitlyn Jenner will play Melania “not a hooker” Trump.

Racist liar Jeff Sessions has not been cast yet, and all I  can think of when I see his face is the Gerber Baby.

Can you help cast Sessions and the rest of these fuckers, I mean characters?

Thanks!

This is my annual Academy Awards Exegesis but I can’t let Warren Beatty get away with his behavior. Good for him for being a hall of fame loverboy, he is not a gentleman. He handed that card to poor Faye like, “You do it, I’m not taking the blame.” Almost on a par with Winston yelling “Do it to Julia!”

Man up, Warren, you fucking cunt. And then, after the mistake is revealed, he insists on taking up time to grab the mic and explain that it wasn’t his fault.  What vanity, even in Hollywood. Awful.

Okay, let’s do celebrity fashion and get the hell out of here.

Best dressed was Ruth Negga, stunning in bright red lace.

Most hideous dress, a tie between Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. What’s wrong with them? Is Scarlett still trying to live down her sexpot image? Done deal, Scarlett, we see that you can look unattractive! Stop it already. And Charlize, stop buying up the black babies and look in the mirror. Come out of the closet or don’t, but face the fact that the days when you could wear just anything are long gone.

Brie Larson looked like a John Singer Sargent painting, so I’m giving her second place after Ruth.

Dakota Johnson looked awful, but her penance for those Shades of Black movies will never be over. Meryl Streep showed Chanel that Karl can go fuck himself, she will wear pants under her dress. Team Meryl all the way.

Way too many actresses wore gold column dresses, so they canceled each other out. Judd Apatow’s wife whatsername wore a welcome Pop of Color but looked like she was trying out for a Disney cartoon. Karlie Kloss wore an awful white shroud and Salma stuffed her boobs into a dated black beaded thing. Halle Berry wore a ridiculous wig that fooled no one on Black Twitter.

Now let’s do the men.

Ryan Gosling, please, please have sex with me. Please.

Dwayne Johnson and Samuel Jackson wore blue velvet jackets, I guess it’s a pimp look and if so, nice  y! Tarell Alvin McCraney looked gorgeous in a white tux and is my choice for second place. Casey Affleck needs to wash his hair.  Dev Patel‘s hair looked clean and fresh. People were hoping that Dev would make out with Andrew Garfield but that’s just mean.

Justin Timberlake always looks nice in Tom Ford, but the question remains, Why did he marry that awful Jessica Biel???

That’s it, it’s been a long day. I went to my eye doctor today, long story for another time, but while reviewing the Oscars with me, he noted, “Faye Dunaway is one of my patients, so I know she had no trouble reading!”

Wow, right?

Okay, let me know if I left out anything important.

I don’t know about you but this shit is killing me.

Just since the inauguration, I have developed carpal tunnel syndrome and eczema. I’m grinding my teeth and I’m glued to Twitter. Each new egregious development sends me into a fit of rage and disbelief. I can’t take much more of it.

And yet. You can’t just ignore it. People who tell you to stop watching the news are just losers whose lives are built on denial and not rocking the boat.  If this isn’t the time to get worked up, when is the time?

I hate these two fat capons. They probably haven’t seen their own dicks in years.

Hating Trump is a no-brainer, but hating Steve Bannon takes a little history to do it right. I like this quote, if you’re in a hurry:

Breitbart once called Bannon the “Leni Riefenstahl of the Tea Party movement.”

Trump’s statement on Holocaust Remembrance Day was remarkable for its omission of the word “Jews,” clearly a nod to Bannon’s antisemitic base. How can you talk about the Holocaust without mentioning Jews?? The White House is standing by the omission, but Reince Priebus at least admitted that the Holocaust was “sad.”

People, what are we going to do about these cunts? We’re going to resist any way we can. Here’s an online Resistance Manual to get started.

The Women’s March was fun, wasn’t it? We can have more fun like that. There’s some stuff that isn’t fun, but let’s do it anyway. We don’t want these two wife-abusing pigs to set up a fascist regime. We want healthcare and public schools. We want out reproductive rights and air that is breathable. We want refugees to feel welcome here.

Trump’s own mother was an illegal immigrant, and so is Melania, but that doesn’t stop him from his hateful rounds. Like a psychotic postman, he will trudge on through gloom of night, until he has destroyed the whole fucking world. If we let him.

We’ll worry about Pence later, along with my eczema.