I ordered a perfume sample and got the wrong one. A journey into the dark heart of a Mad Tea-party ensued:

 

Hi Joanne,

I’m the founder and creative director of Sigil and I wanted to say thank you for your purchase from us. At Sigil, we are committed to bringing you the highest-quality, gender-fluid, natural fine fragrances and beauty essentials. We also believe in doing business for good. Our social mission sees us giving back to nonprofits who directly reflect our vision and values.

We appreciate your business, and are excited to have you in our community. If you have any feedback, or want to say hi, reply to this email. As a special treat, use the code MODERNALCHEMY at checkout to shop with 15% off your next purchase.

We’d love to hear from you. Be sure to follow along with us on Instagram for all the latest, too.

With love,
Patrick Kelly
Sigil founder

To: Sigil <info@sigilscent.com>
Thank you for your nice welcome. Here is my problem: I wanted to order a sample of Amor Fati, which sounds like something I would love.

But on the Amor Fati page, when you click on “sample”, it brings you to the Individual Sample page. There, I clicked on “add to cart” without realizing that there was a drop down menu where I had to scroll down to Amore Fati.

So, instead of Amore FAti, I was sent Aqua Viridi (the first item in the drop down menu.) And it is truly awful to my nose!!!!

I can’t take the time to go to the post office to send this sample back to you. I would like a sample of Amore Fati, though. I think it should be complimentary, due to the confusing mechanism of ordering a sample.

I expect to love Amor Fati, and would be more than happy to leave an enthusiastic review!

Best,
Joanne Wolf

Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com> Tue, Oct 26, 2021 at 3:01 PM
To: Joanne Wolf
Hi Joanne,

Thank you for your email. The product you’re purchasing is also available for confirmation twice at checkout to be sure there are no questions. You can use the checkout code SIGILFRIEND for a very generous discount at checkout.

Enjoy,
Sigil

[the generous discount was $5]

Joanne Wolf    Tue, Oct 26, 2021 at 3:21 PM
To: Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com>
The sample link on the Amor Fati page defaults to a different product! Maybe you could clarify this to your customers.

Here’s what I would like to happen to resolve this: Please send me what I wanted and paid for in the first place, a sample of Amor Fati.

I look forward to resolving this matter.

Thanks,
Joanne Wolf

info@sigilscent.com <info@sigilscent.com> Tue, Oct 26, 2021 at 3:27 PM
To: Joanne Wolf
Hi Joanne,

Thank you for your response.

As you mentioned previously, there is only one sample product detail page with a drop down to select the sample you would like. I’ll send a note to our developer to see if there’s any way to try to have the dropdown force select based on the referring URL that came before the product page. But it’s the customer’s responsibility to confirm cart contents reflect their intended purchase. You are served an itemized list at the cart summary page before entering your card or payment info, where it lists the name of the sample(s) and any other items in your cart.

We don’t accept returns or exchanges and do not offer refunds.

If you’d like to cover the cost of shipping from our warehouse I can try to get the cost of a new order for an Amor Fati sample covered, without shipping. Let me know.

Cheers,
Sigil

Joanne Wolf      Tue, Oct 26, 2021 at 3:41 PM
To: Sigil <info@sigilscent.com>
I’m disappointed by your response. Shipping is around 7$ and I’ve already spent $24 for something I don’t want, due to your problematic coding.

I buy things online all the time! And this has NEVER happened to me.

I will leave an honest review of Aqua Viridi, and I can also mention your rude customer service on Instagram and on my own website, https://godammit.com/

with sadness,
Joanne

info@sigilscent.com <info@sigilscent.com> Tue, Oct 26, 2021 at 4:02 PM
To: Joanne Wolf
Hi Joanne,

Sorry to hear offering you a free sample after shipping costs won’t be agreeable.

We understand your frustration, and for others’ sake will see if there’s any other way we can make it more clear that what’s in your cart is what you’ll receive after checkout.

Also very sorry to hear you found our service rude as we strive to listen for understanding.

Let us know if you change your mind on our offer to send you a free sample.

Sigil
An experiment in modern alchemy®

Joanne Wolf      Wed, Oct 27, 2021 at 1:25 PM
To: Sigil <info@sigilscent.com>
Well, so many things to digest!

First, you sent me a reply to my review of Aqua Viridi, but did not publish the review. Why is that? Only positive reviews published or what?

Second, returning to your website, I see that when you put a product in your cart, ANOTHER PRODUCT IS ADDED that you have to manually uncheck in order not to buy it! Who are you guys, Donald Trump?? This is one of the dodgy practices that have been reported on the Trump donation page! How terrible! Again, I buy things online all the time and have NEVER encountered this! You guys should be ashamed. It is clearly deliberate and not a coding bug.

Third, I order fragrance samples from Smallflower.com on occasion, and they are usually $5 I have subsequently purchased the full size products.

Fourth, I just purchased some lingerie from a small niche company whose policy is: if it doesn’t fit, you may have one FREE exchange, with no charge for return or new shipping. I love my item that I received in the exchange and will be back to buy more.

So, here is a serious question: What’s wrong with you?? You are happy to lose a customer over $7?? Is it the principle that bothers you or does $7 mean that much to your profit report? If I had liked the fragrance I wanted to try, I would have notified all my fragrance-junkie friends, and I would have eagerly purchased the full size bottle. What a win for you, and a great return on a seven dollar investment!

Please think this over and explain your customer service philosophy. I am documenting this conversation and look forward to your response.

Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com> Wed, Oct 27, 2021 at 2:51 PM
To: Joanne Wolf
HI Joanne,

I hope you’re having a great afternoon.

I’ll answer your questions below in-line. Please let us know if there’s anything else we can do for you.

Have a great rest of your week.

Sigil

Joanne Wolf    Wed, Oct 27, 2021 at 3:09 PM
To: Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com>
I am having a super great afternoon! So nice of you to mention it. I won’t take a screenshot for you. Simply order a sample and watch what happens. A full bottle is added with a total of $140 or something. You need to uncheck the full bottle that you did not ask for! May we not be honest here?

regarding my negative review: it is sincere and not the result of a threat. I see that you don’t show a single negative review…dishonest and no help to the consumer.

I do think that others should be warned about your hostile and deceitful practices and will do my best to get the word out. Not a threat but merely an honest effort to spare others this unpleasant experience.

You have a blessed day, okay?

love,
Joanne

Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com> Wed, Oct 27, 2021 at 5:34 PM
To: Joanne Wolf
Thank you, Joanne.

I’ve tried to replicate the issue but am unable to do so. My guess is you did have a full size in your cart. Nothing can be added there without the customer choosing to add to cart.

You’re our first review below 3 stars! We just launched reviews on October 1.

We’ve been very thorough in our explanations and answers to all your concerns about our policies, your checkout experience, etc. Let us know if we can do anything else for you. Have a great week and weekend ahead.

Cheers,
Sigil

Joanne Wolf    Wed, Oct 27, 2021 at 6:52 PM
To: Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com>
I do have one more concern re your policies: given the length of this correspondence, I’m wondering if it’s the principle, or the seven dollars that motivates you? Surely the time you’ve put in today was worth far more than $7, unless you’re a volunteer.

I hope you’re having a great evening and that every single day henceforth brings you rapture and personal fulfillment. Top that!

yours sincerely,
Joanne

[days pass, during which, Karen-like, I write to the fragrance website where I first encountered Sigil scents, and advised them of my bad experience]

Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com> Tue, Nov 2, 2021 at 10:56 AM
To: Joanne Wolf
Hi Joanne,

I hope you’ve been having a great week so far. Happy autumn.

Your concern was escalated to our leadership and we were able to make a small quality of life improvement to our checkout experience. So now the mini-cart more clearly displays the variant name of the sample, not just when you get to the payment processing/cart confirmation view.

Anyway, all this to say we probably wouldn’t have caught this for a while without you mentioning the confusion you experienced.

So we wanted to send along a $50 digital gift card. You’ll receive an email with that info shortly. I hope this helps. Thanks again for being so understanding and thorough in your explanations before.

Cheers,
Sigil

Joanne Wolf    Thu, Nov 4, 2021 at 2:35 PM
To: Sigil Scent <info@sigilscent.com>
What a delightful outcome to this tawdry conflict! My quality of life has definitely risen a notch or two by your timely attention to the website glitch.

I can’t wait to try the fragrance I intended to buy in the first place!

Wishing you an abundant autumn and a joyous Diwali, followed by a bountiful Thanksgiving, a healthy Hanukkah and a magnificent Christmas to celebrate His birth.

Very very sincerely yours,
Joanne Wolf

I praised the shoes and he said they were a collaboration with “a designer named JW Anderson.” He seemed shocked that I knew the designer. Was it because I’m a hundred years old? Or because I was holding this hideous, $250 piece of shit from Topshop??

If you are what you wear, a lot of people are not only nuts, but blind too. I was happy to get this photo but it’s safe to say that most hideous denim exists not as private jokes but as genuine bait for the rich and clueless. It just never stops! Year after year, the denim atrocities flood shopping sites and landfills. It’s the one sure thing after death and taxes.

Here are a few new “pieces” for you to contemplate. If your central aim is to look unattractive, the following will fit the bill:

Classically misconceived shorts by Lowe, featuring the dreaded front pleats, a wide hipped silhouette and an awkward length.$650.

Or for a few more bucks and equally unflattering, these Natalie Ratebisi high-waisted jeans with darts, pleats and camel-toe, just $725.

How about a skirt?

R13 never disappoints when it comes to overpriced pseudo-hipster crap. This stretch-denim leopard-print skirt with chewed edges features an asymmetrical crossover waist. How cute with some fake Dr. Martens and an expensive white T? A bargain at $495.

Now let’s see what the luxury designers are doing with denim, starting with Carolina Herrera.

Front slits and self-tie waist-sash make these denim pants a baffling choice for any occasion, right? I mean, what would you wear them with? I just can’t even. $1,090.

Unravel is a horrible upscale brand that’s always trying to punk us with their stupid laughable designs, kind of like Y Project and their denim panties. Here’s a key piece for Spring.

All the bells and whistles for $1,145. Fuckers.

Finally, because I’m getting depressed, here’s a jumpsuit by Isabel Marant, the brand that’s supposed to be the essence of French cool-girl style.

At least it looks comfortable, except when you have to pee, of course. Just $550 

What about this Rick Owens clutch bag? As long as all the shit you carry around in your handbag is shaped like an arrow or kebab skewer, this would be super convenient as well as eye-catching. Originally $1,815 but marked down to just $726. Use it as a weapon if worse comes to worse, and you know it will.

Refashioning folklore with the contemporary and an unlikely dash of 80s rock climbing, Chopova Lowena are redefining Bulgarian identity.

Whatever. This jacket is on sale for $945 and it features a removable hood, so it’s more versatile than it looks. You could pretend it came from an old David Bowie video or just turn up your nose and act like you’re an Influencer and you know what’s trending. The best part is that it’s 100% polyurethane and polyester, and you have to dry clean it.

You’re probably thinking, But where’s the denim??

I know I’ve been shirking my denim responsibilities due to Everything, but here’s a personal favorite, the hugely popular and iconic Ksenia Schnaider asymmetrical jeans:

As coveted as they are, according to Dazed, you can get them for only $430 at Shopbop. Just look at the rear view.

Who wouldn’t want to exit a room like this? People will wonder which of your legs is deformed, the thin one or the wide one!

Just be glad I’m here to distract you, people. They also serve who only stand and wait refers to bloggers, above all, I’m pretty sure.

Everything is horrible and more horrible by the minute. We’re not going to be ready for the next outrage unless we stop and take a breath. Some may want to stop and smell the roses, but I prefer a bracing poke in the eye … like these pumps from Jimmy Choo.

Remember when the brand was the epitome of glamor and wealth? Ew!

How much stupider could a shoe be? From this angle, it looks like you’re walking in a box.

Here, it just looks l;like you stepped in black toilet paper. If anyone complains, you can just scream, “THESE ARE FUCKING BOWS, OK, AND THEY COST $745, MOTHERFUCKER!”

Jimmy Choo is not just a one-trick pony. Check out these new boots:

This is a collaboration with Off-White, a brand that thinks you’ll spend anything for a sweatshirt. I love the look of your stockings falling down around your boots! So clever.

They remind me of the time I was a flower girl at a wedding, wearing my very first pair of stockings, and no one told me that you needed a garter belt to hold them up. Every step down the aisle was excruciating. Like these boots. It was humiliating, but at least I wasn’t out $1,795.

What does this jacket want from us?? Is it trying to mimic an optical illusion? It is like one of those portraits with two sets of eyes? Try staring at it without making a face.

Stylebop isn’t big on descriptions. This is their take:

Edgy and subversive in equal measure, this Y/Project denim jacket is the ultimate statement with a contemporary layered design and boyish volume. The fuzzy contrast lining keeps it plush.

Oh, LAYERED, that explains it. Here’s how it looks snapped up:

Wouldn’t if be great to wear this over ANOTHER denim jacket? $919.00

Alexander McQueen takes grotesque overkill in a completely different direction with this denim cutaway jacket.

So elegant! The “split midriff” is what kills me.

Imagine sweeping into a room clad in this showstopper, ahem. At $7,625, it must have been a teeny bit too pricey, despite its obvious charm, but it sold out after Neiman Marcus knocked it down to $807.  Somewhere, there’s a lady bragging that she saved $6,818 by scoring this eyesore.

Remember, More is More, except with denim.

Above, we have the Gianvito Rossi Sock Bootie. What is there to say except Ew, Stop It? $1,o95

Why have just one pattern when there are so many? Why hold back?

This is the May Wong, by Christian Loubouton, adding a touch of racism to a party on heels. I think this one could be described as “fun.” When you walk into a room, someone is bound to scream, “Your boots! What fun!” At $1,695, you get what you pay for. The tassel thingie alone is worth like $500, probably.

Yay for Gucci (above)!  As Gucci continues its Everything and the kitchen sink aesthetic, one is almost disappointed to note that this bootie lacks the snakes, tigers and bees of last season. Let’s not be greedy though. Seven buckles AND a zipper is not nothing. Three different buckle styles plus the tapestry embroidery = a costly migraine. At $2,150, we may be spared the sight of this in real life. The Topshop version will be a manageable headache in comparison.

Next, Tom Ford, who brings sexy back.

Printed calf-hair, gold hardware, peep-toe and open heel, balanced precariously on a spindly stiletto. I’m hearing HELP! What do you hear? $1,590.

Want to spend some real money? Nothing says $$$ like sparkly crystal.

$5,995 for this classy Loubouton platform bootie is not much to spend for this level of sophistication. If anyone mistakes this for a Steve Madden knock off, just stick the red sole in their face.

Now you really want me to stop but I can’t. Here’s the mink pom-poms. They look almost demure at this point, right?

Fendi, $1,150.  That’s ____ per pom-pom. You do the math. Finally, for the win, behold:

Givenchy’s Floral Elegant Ankle Boot deserves the prize for the audacity of using the word Elegant. Way to cheat, Givenchy! It’s a copy of a copy by some brand I can’t remember. Maybe Jeffrey Campbell? I love the gratuitous little studs. $1,450 worth of tired faux punk. Would you wear these for free? Maybe that’s the litmus test.

I’m done. Don’t be mad at me. I’m just here to help.

If you have the energy, please weigh in with your own choice for the win.

So, here we have a pair of jeans with a double waist to trick the eye and bother everyone who sees you. Besides the clever waist joke, there is also the two-tone action and the awful cuffs. The rear view is almost better:

Who doesn’t long for this silhouette? $675

This next item is fun:

It’s like a couple of dead birds wrapped around your knees or something. I find it disturbing. $645

Ys Project is a brand that’s having a real moment with denim. Crazy looking and impractical, it’s also pricey. $570

Do we have to even talk about this one? They’re obviously trolling us. Let’s not react. We’ll show them who’s in charge.

Now, here’s a skirt that sold out immediately, and you can see why.

Ar $2,250, it is irresistible. You can see that a lot of work went into it. People will marvel at your taste and sense of fun! Plus, it’s such a classic; it’s so timeless, you will always look just right. At the grocery store, at a cocktail party, laying in an alley by a dumpster, in a mental hospital, where CAN’T you wear this??

Okay, that’s it for now, back to your normally scheduled worries.

You want to feel special? Be prepared to pay for it. Especially when it comes to denim. There are fifty thousand brands of denim to choose from, and the “cult” brands are changing every minute. You want to express your status to other status-obsessed losers so you need to look around before you invest.

The shredding alone tells you that these jeans are special. It is clearly the work of teething babies and rabid squirrels. You let them chew for a scientifically calibrated amount of time to get this effect, then you  smack them away, so it’s very labor-intensive.

Then, there’s the exposed zipper with the big ring-pull. How cool is that? Not to mention the long rope belt, which you can use to strangle yourself if no one reacts to your denim savvy. Before you take that option though, make sure to point out that these jeans are actually repurposed Levi’s.

Isn’t that incredible!  They took some innocent Levi’s and turned them into arty street-wear that broadcasts your exquisite disregard for fit and function.

Here’s the rear view:

Now you see where the money went!

Before you guess the price, let me reveal the brand: Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh.

Virgil Abloh wears many hats: Kanye West’s creative director, in-demand DJ, blockbuster-show producer, and most recently, designer for a line of streetwear that launched in 2013. Mixing provocatively printed T-shirts with athletic hoodies and oversized flannel shirts, OFF-WHITE c/o VIRGIL ABLOH is setting new standards in urban apparel.

Okay, take a guess.

WRONG!

$1,075 (and sold out in size 24)

First of all, Vetements is pronounced vet-MAHN. Look at a mirror while saying it. Do you feel embarrassed, or at least tainted? Good.

If you don’t know about Vetements, you are free to go. Run along, and keep your innocence.

Still here? Okay. Remember when you were amused and startled by the outlandishly oversized hoodies and jackets by the new brand that seemed to be mentioned everywhere? You noticed that it was the streetwear brand of all the cool it-people, even Rihanna. The silhouette was easy to spot: it was absurd, like that David Byrne jacket.

Then you saw the prices and the joke got better. The price to look absurd was astronomical, ensuring that only the coolest it-people could wear it and signify to each other that they were in on it. Ha Ha, we love looking stupid if it means regular people cant’s afford to!

Now there are a bunch of copy-cat brands flogging the same gigantic esthetic and they are pricey too, because, why not?

I called my husband over to look at this Vetements T shirt selling for $395.

It’s a collaboration with Hanes, which sells a 3-pack of white t shirts in size 4XL for $14.00.

He got that the t shirt was a stupid in-joke, but was not thrilled by my counter-joke of just using a marker to write STAFF on a regular T. Only Vetements prople would get the joke, he pointed out.

Well, I still like that idea. I’d get it! I may be too lazy to execute it, though. Meanwhile, Vetements has collaborated with Juicy Couture to make those velour sweats, only priced at a zillion dollars.

There is an intrinsic value in the avant garde. But once the point is made, we have to move on. When something becomes a parody of itself, the art aspect is over. Tell that to fans of Rick Owens, though. They’re still drooling over that black saggy funeral fashion he keeps churning out, and every single fashion person asked about their style has to name Rick Owens as one of their go-to designers. Especially in New York; it’s the law there to worship Rick Owens.

Here’s an up and coming brand, Martine Rose.

This shirt is $635, but the rear-view is where the money went, in my opinion.

Imagine walking into a room wearing this. How chic! You could pretend you’re Alice in Wonderland and you just swallowed the Drink-Me that shrunk you!

Conspicuous  Consumption is still in play, maybe more than ever before, even among those who think they’re disdaining the practice by wearing stupid overpriced street fashion.

The Huge Clothes joke is over, rich people! Get ready for the next trend, teeny tiny clothes that look like they’re about to burst. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The price is certainly fair, given, you know.

But If I have to hand wash it, then no. Forget it.

Thoughts?