These Burnt Cuff pants say it all: “I am a greedy nutcase.” They bespeak the Trump era and it’s whole ruling ethos. They were $890 but are now marked down to just $312, by the brand Ottolinger, who “utilise lighters, packing tape and acid to deconstruct their garments, creating something beautiful from destruction.”
What about this Rick Owens clutch bag? As long as all the shit you carry around in your handbag is shaped like an arrow or kebab skewer, this would be super convenient as well as eye-catching. Originally $1,815 but marked down to just $726. Use it as a weapon if worse comes to worse, and you know it will.
Whatever. This jacket is on sale for $945 and it features a removable hood, so it’s more versatile than it looks. You could pretend it came from an old David Bowie video or just turn up your nose and act like you’re an Influencer and you know what’s trending. The best part is that it’s 100% polyurethane and polyester, and you have to dry clean it.
You’re probably thinking, But where’s the denim??
I know I’ve been shirking my denim responsibilities due to Everything, but here’s a personal favorite, the hugely popular and iconic Ksenia Schnaider asymmetrical jeans:
As coveted as they are, according to Dazed, you can get them for only $430 at Shopbop. Just look at the rear view.
Just be glad I’m here to distract you, people. They also serve who only stand and wait refers to bloggers, above all, I’m pretty sure.