In advance of International Self Care Day on July 24, I’d like to share my own self care routine, which you can modify to your own needs, according to your free time etc etc. Check with your doctor before starting any new exercise!
I get out of bed after a few hours of nightmares, tossing and turning, and general sweaty discomfort. I stumble to the kitchen to turn on the coffee, and take a cup to the couch, where my phone is. I take my Adderall.
I turn on MSNBC for the liberal-leaning news, and settle in for the next 4 or five hours. At some point, I remember to take my Cymbalta and Welbutrin. While I hear about the latest deranged shenanigans of the Republican party, alarming Covid statistics, geopolitical conflicts and climate catastrophes, I scroll through my Instagram feed, clicking Like and typing “beautiful!” or clapping hand emojis.
In between liking and clapping, I check my email, deleting billions of shopping site updates and pleas from Eric Holder and Kamala Harris. I dutifully look at the 450 new items at Net-a-Porter, careful not to miss a single offering.
Periodically, I get up to pee and inspect my hair situation. Is it nice and smooth or a frizzy rat’s nest? I squirt saline in my nose in a doomed attempt to clear my sinuses and breathe.
In the afternoon, I get dressed and wander around the house, wondering what to do and why I’m even alive. I might go grocery shopping or to the mall, where the endorphins of commerce lift my spirits enough for me to charge something at Nordstrom that I will return in the next few days.
Back home, I continue with the news and scroll Instagram some more. I consult the mirror a few more times to evaluate my hair and wonder if there’s a way to get a neck-lift without getting a neck lift.
I walk the dog for 20 minutes or just let my husband do it.
After dark, I smoke some weed and wait for him to make dinner. My husband, not the dog. We watch TV while we eat, starting with our favorite shows and ending with some poorly written and laughably performed garbage about missing girls and homophobic Spaniards.
Finally, I shuffle off to bed, take a teeny bit of Ativan, and read a novel, preferably something dark and devastating, until my eyes start to close.
There you have it. It’s challenging, sure, but you can do it. I forgot to note all the cups of coffee, the scrupulous avoidance of water, and the chips and salsa. They are actually essential to my wellness program.
What are you doing for self care?? I really want to know, but I will deduct points for the words yoga mat.
Wake up 6 am, give or take 10 mins. Pee. Take propanalol and xanax, lay back down and hope for sleep to return. Rarely does it.
Then begrudgingly get up. Try to do some “work” while panicking at how my online buisness isnt working how I thought it would. Become disenchanted with the whole process. Remember I havent taken my celexa or brushed my teeth yet.
panic some more. Try to do more work. Realize I am exhausted and havent eaten yet.
Eat something. Decide a tiny nap may work out. Lay down. 50/50 chance of sleep. Turn tv on if it hasnt been already showing “Friends” for the last few hours.
be disenchanted some more. Decide I dont care.
now its at least 4 or 5. Decide I am done “working” for the day. Start to calm down.
be disgusted with self for not getting more done. Vow tomorrow will be better. Hate everything.
watch tv and snack until its time for mirtazipine. Soon sleep comes again.
repeat ad nauseum.
I dont know that this life is worth living.
Flowerpotgirl – Hahaha, oh god. But listen, your life is definitely worth living. It’s such a full life! And it helps me feel less alienated. Thank you for sharing it xoxoxo
Rise from bed or chair at whatever time of day or night I got a few hours sleep in whichever furniture. Pee, inspect face for most recent sags, bristles, age splotches, dilated nose veins, uneven old-lady eyelids, etc. Make temporary decision not to kill self. Take propranolol, ramipril, levothyroxine, then eat popcorn and triscuits to keep bowels tuned up. Spend considerable time wishing I was smarter, and somebody else. Much time spent capitulating to demands of whiny 14 year old cat. Wonder if cat has dementia or maybe I have dementia and am projecting it onto cat. Convince everything I do for next 6 hours is important and meaningful. Take Xarelto so I won’t have repeat of massive pulmonary embolism that tried to take me out in 2016. Eat microwaved food-like product. Work crying jag in somewhere. Contemplate relocating to Tierra del Fuego to raise vicuñas. Return to bed or chair.
Bevitron – I see that I share many of your self care practices but I forgot to mention them. So sorry about your health problems but stay in the fight, Life is Suffering, apparently xoxo
Sister Wolf! So pleased to read something new from you again even though I’m sorry you aren’t feeling your best. You are still the best anti-dote to the social media/ influencer BS. Aren’t TV and books the best things ever? I do love my yoga mat too, so feel free to deduct a point. Have you ever read Salley Vickers? The Other Side of You, and Mrs Garnet’s Angel may appeal to your love of Old Masters and darker perspectives.
Obviously I don’t know you or Bevitron but I’ve been reading your posts for years, so yeah, for what its worth, I enjoy hearing from both of you and I’m glad you are both ‘getting through the night’. Plus, you have said some truly helpful things to me over the years, either in a post or a response.
Mary – Thank you for the tips!!! And thank you for sticking with me. I agree about Bevitron; she has been a voice in the wilderness for me. xoxo
Ummm, I’m technically working full time (4 hours a day, very kind understanding employer), brush teeth unless I forget, lots of chocolate- hot cup in the morning, dark chocolate, in the morning and evening, and some chocolate covered coconut things throughout the day (no antidepressants so ……chocolate). Home to 2 dogs, 3 cats, who I tell to get the fuck away most days until I feel guilty and love them again because I don’t know what I would do without them, crying throughout day unless in the gray zone, reading Primo Levi If this is a Man because I need to read about suffering, watch awful shows after 2 hour searching on amazon prime (free trial because it sucks), bed to toss and turn all night, up again and pretend I’m normal and this horror did not happen, until I remember that it did and I ask again, what’s the point, grief counseling weekly where we can suffer together. Some days I try to pretend things are the way they used to be, why can’t I, it’s my mind to lose. But it doesn’t work.
I am also glad you have updated because you are so funny, intelligent, quirky, humane and I missed you and hoped you were doing alright. I see you were ha ha. So glad you are writing because you help make my days bearable ( a lot of responsibility to lay on you).
Jeri – I’m so sorry, I feel you so much. So much. Hang in there. People need you. That’s what I have for you right now. I’ll try to have more though going forward xoxo
Nice to see a post from you, thank you! You had me at chips and salsa, coffee and dehydration therapy. Add some very bizarre google searches that would reveal my very specific neurosis and obsessions.
Pocketsound – Oh my god I forgot the goodle searches. Can you imagine what people would think if they could see your search history????