Just Kill Yourself. That was the message of the 2018 Video Music Awards.
From beginning to end, it was a travesty, lacking a single redeeming moment. You’ve probably heard how Madge embarrassed herself but it was so much worse. I’ll be quick.
Kevin Hart and Tiffany Something tried to be funny. Cardi B tried to be shocking, but who can resist her her? Sean Mendez warbled a song. Ariana Grande wore her fake hair down instead of in a ponytail. I’m already sick of the Pete Davidson angle, aren’t you? Break up already.
Nikki Minaj revealed miles of abundant flesh and threw shade at people. She’s like the Rodney Dangerfield of hip hop.
Some boy bands performed but I think I was in the kitchen getting ice cream.
Danger at the Disco or whatever their name is performed, the lead singer wearing a cheap brocade couch suit. What else? Travis Scott, Kylie’s baby daddy, hopped around, mad at Nikki about their competing new albums.
J Lo was given a “Vangard Award,” which must be important, right? She danced and danced, dutifully trying to twerk for the adoring audience. All that ass, but it won’t twerk. Then she gave a speech in which she praised her determination and her ability to do absolutely everything. She was ready to take credit for curing small pox. Her face was as tight as a drum and her long extensions stuck to her head. She thanked A-Rod, a douche in douche clothing. It went on forever.
Now let’s do Madonna. GO AWAY ALREADY, YOU LUNATIC! She stood in front of a giant portrait of Aretha and proceeded to recall her own early career. It turns out that if there had been no Aretha Franklin, there would be no Madonna, and what then???? Just to rub salt in our wounds, she wore (i.e., culturally appropriated) Moroccan robes and a Berber hunting crown.
Poor Camila Cabello dedicated her award to Madge, who looked confused, like Who the fuck are you?
Oh wait, that Logic guy brought on a million young immigrants holding fake candles and wearing t shirts that said WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. Jesus Christ, tell Trump, not us!!!!!
Then that guy Post Malone, whose face is a scratch pad, joined Aerosmith for an awful performance that no human or immigrant should ever have to see or hear. WHY???
Oh shit, I almost forgot Maluba, a Latin-American singer who looks like a stripper for a bachelorette party. I’d like to see him with J Lo when she’s done with A-Rod.
God, reliving this was excruciating. Did I leave out anything?
LOL You’re the best! Happy you’re posting more once again.
“Some boy bands performed but I think I was in the kitchen getting ice cream.”
You buried the lede and left the most important question unanswered: what kind of ice cream?
I have no dea who any of these fake vulgarians are. Madonna yes, but since the 80s have come and gone I really don’t get her whole shtick. Booties, boobs, Botox, larger than life asses, man-boys, manufactured music. Steven Tyler looking like a bag lady. I’d get ice cream too, add a tramadol to that please.
Madonna and I are the same age. Well, actually she is 8 months younger than I am. I am not a beauty person, I do nothing at all in terms of upkeep other than wash up and brush my hair and teeth. I think I look about 15 years younger than she does. She reminds me of Katherine Helmond’s character in the film “Brazil.” She can be who she wants to be, but she looks as if there is no longer any blood flowing thru her veins…only filler. And she was great once…