I don’t think I can take much more of this. It’s killing me. I can’t go on. I’ll go on. (Samuel Beckett)
Sea is excited about going to Tokyo in a couple of weeks to spend a few million dollars and take some cute photos. She posed in some painful pointy Givenchy pumps, and twittered about vaginas and her dad’s cell phone.
Mom confided that she “had to have” these Lucite Prada shoes from Neiman’s. ($975) Not only that, but Sea “managed to snag a pair of the satin platforms … and they are really incredible.”
Who would like to deconstruct the phrase “managed to snag” in this context?
UPDATE: Now there are new Celine sandals for both Sea and Mom, and some hideous new garbage jewelry that was “sent” from Paris.
Sea won’t post your comments but you can leave them here. I’ll go first.
Dear Sea, Have you tried adding up the damage, shoe-wise, for the last month? Why are you throwing away your youth on this project? You’re staring to look nuts in those photos. Your outfits say “35 year old divorcee, circa 1980.” This is not a compliment. Stop the insanity and maybe poor dad can retire. Love, xo SW.
I think Jane misses comments on her site. In her last two post she has asked questions, but how are her readers meant to reply? I think the poor thing is confused.
Dear Jane,
In response to the question you posed, the Anna Bernhard walrus is not adorable; it’s stupid and ugly, like most of the shit you wear.
Love,
Mark
Before I rush away to work which earns just enough money to buy some shoe laces, I’ll just tell you this, I’m soooo much happier than you are Jane, so much more happier than you….
Dear Sea,
Honestly, at this point, I can only feel sorry for you. We are both the same age, I assume, and it gives me no pleasure to mock you.
Who am I kidding?
Love.
Dear Sea,
your Givenchy pumps give pain to the eye — as well as your strange feet, please hide them in something expensive or ask Hannah Bernhard for some cuuute walrus socks or whatever, with beetles on it if you like. Have you ever thought about how your feet will look in about twenty years after wearing all these hideous, ill-fitting monstrosities? Ugh. And: Do you and mom don’t have any real friends so that you need to take ugly plush kitties and plastic dinosaurs along? This makes me really sad.
Love, Simona
Jane,
I’m not a doctor but I play a know-it-all on the internet.
When you finally trade in your coloring books for textbooks, look up the psychiatric disorder ‘folie imposée’ for a little perspective.
And if you’re not worried about shared psychosis, at least give some thought to your other future diagnoses of osteoarthritis and claw toes.
Dear Sea – It won’t last. La Belette Rouge made me realise this other day with her tale of Mrs Lot. I would never wish ill on anyone but the signs are there. Be careful, at the very least those Givenchy shoes are going to damage your ankles.
Dear Jane,
I note you had a wardrobe change at the Japanese Garden. Did you change in the loo? I can’t imagine you crammed into a tiny WC, peeling off your strange yellow couchpants while trying to make sure your other expensive clobber does not accidently fall into the toilet bowl. Or Jane, did you change in the car. Hmm Jane, I suggest you went home, changed and then returned to the gardens?
Your hair is nice though Jane.
– Fi
PS. Love your blog Sister W
‘Sis’, I don’t mind you banging on endlessly about shoes and shorts, I can even take your eccentric views on politics, and with typical British pluck I can suffer silently the endless assaults you inflict upon the lady of my dreams (dear Sarah, missing you already …) but please, please, don’t ever quote that berk, Beckett, a preposterous man who invented 101 ways of saying nothing at extreme lengths which constitute cruel and unusual punishment on anyone daft enough to listen or read him. Thank you.
Dear Jane,
I’m tired of the ankh.
Why would you wear a walrus necklace that hurts your neck?
I like the Givenchy flats, stick to ’em.
Wait.
Hold on just a minute.
could someone please do me the great favor
of breaking down exactly what this “sea of shoes”
thing is? I mean. Does she actually own all
of these shoes? And if so, why has someone
not tracked her down and Robbed Her Ass?!
Help a sistah out.
xuXu
http://www.frenchshelter.blogspot.com
Dear Shoes
Why do you and your mom always pretend that buying shoes, YES BUYING, is something like the Twelve Tasks of Hercules and that people need some sort of special Skill to “snag” them? Special Skill that of course does not involve giving daddy’s credit card at the till.
Hideous shoes, both pairs. The first one look like some medieval torture instruments in a rather obscene pink; the second – like an offspring of my chandelier and the old plastic mules from the seventies. I imagine running to the bus in the morning in these – lots of fun with the jingling and a possible broken ankle. By the way, I went to Costco yesterday and managed to snag some salmon and asparagus. The snagging consisted of picking it from the shelves, going to the cash register and paying for it. What a success!
Dear Jane,
It is my lifetime ambition to go to Japan, I nearly made it last april.
I may make it one day, and when I do, I shall investigate every inch of that fascinating country that I can.
May I suggest you do the same, instead of treating it like a trip to Macy’s?
You are beyond lucky to have had the chance to go there twice in less than a year, dont fuck it up, live a little, go to some gardens, temples, crazy ass resturants, mountains, lakes and beaches.
Far more rewarding than snagging some shoes that make your feet hurt.
am gonna start collection dead cockroaches, dry them, gold plate them and hang it on my neck. That will show them how serious i am with bugs.
or vagina perhaps?
bug or vagina….? it’s a very tough decision to make.
oh jane……
the problems of the rich people.
Dear Jane,
Why are you taking the stuffed toy cat to Japan? Someone told me that it cost $500. Is this true?
Give my love to Carole and Consuela xxxx
Why do we dare waste our time on such fucking nonsense. People like her and her mother should be ON the bus or at the very least sited as “cunts of the week”
Dear whoever you are,
I think you are very cute and young and it’s good that you enjoy yourself and your life. I’m not sure why everyone here hates you so much, as you seem pretty innocuous to me.
Sincerely,
mutterhals
Dear Mutterhals,
I don’t hate Jane. I actually enjoy her blog.
I just want to know why she took her toy cat to Japan.
Dear Jane,
My sister is a podiatric surgeon and says you’ll have bunions and other foot maladies by the time you’re 25 if you continue wearing such ill-fitting shoes. You need to be careful. No need to thank me for the free PSA; it’s one thing you can’t “snag” at Niemen’s.
BTW, what you do when you visit other locales is not “travel”. It’s not even proper “tourism”. It’s like a trip to the mall. Proves to all of us that you’re nothing if not predictable and ordinary.
Smoochies,
H.O.W.
Dear Sea senior,
Your new dress gives you wonky nipple tassels.
Dear Sea & Sea Senior,
I think it’s kind of lazy that you use so many of the same pictures on both your blogs. Just take some more pictures. It’s not like you’ve got a whole lot else to do all day.
Dear Sister Wolf,
As much as I find S & S’s ever increasing vocabulary of euphemisms for spending cash amusing, I actually think they do just get the animal junk sent over. The amount of times they have featured the stuff and dropped the name, I wouldn’t be surprised if the are advertising. It’s great how bloggers have taken over from those ad filed magazines isn’t it.
Dear Jane,
Go barefoot into the world, sit beneath an exotic tree, and contemplate your navel. Take some deep breaths and use the mantra, “There’s more to life than shoes, shopping, and blogging about shoes and shopping.”
Now take a deep breath, hold, exhale and repeat mantra.
And don’t let the thought into your mind about the creatures that give up (not willingly) their lives so you can snag shoes that cause pain, and bunions, and ankle problems just to stroke your self worth.
Wishing you a life full of thoughts!
Sincerely,
BBC
Dear Jane,
That walrus is ug-lay. Please, can’t you find a jewelry designer that makes walrus charms that are, I don’t know, only 3 inches? Why does it have to look gaudier than an Olympic medal?? I don’t get it.
I totally believe that you are misspelling ankh just to screw with me. So I won’t comment on it. Moving on.
If those Givenchy pumps are SOOO painful, I don’t know, DON’T WEAR THEM! I don’t think that I’ll ever understand the pain = beauty though. Some misogynist came up with that one and women keep eating it up. The flats are infinitely better. Wear those.
And stop calling your father a retard. If I did that, my parents would have promptly whacked me across the knees with a tree branch. BTW it’s not cute, not funny, and tells me that money can’t buy class. PS did your father say that he was grocery shopping with your mother? HAHAHA! My father and mother can’t even grocery shop together and they’re STILL married! (Insert inappropriate question about who was footing the bill here)
Mwah <3 Liz!!
PS I have a stuffed animal that my family brings on vacations too, so I kind of get your cat…however, we don't carry him around OUTSIDE the hotel and shove him into the arms of unsuspecting locals so that we can snap pictures of them. Just sayin'….
Wait. That cat is a toy?!
Sheesh. What is the world coming to?
Clearly I need to get a life, but….
http://www.kosen.com/sina.html
The stuffed cat is nearly 300 bucks.
WHAT?!?!?!?
To Mom and Sea,
You pose with toys to demonstrate your “kooky” side. When you try this hard to be “kooky” and still somehow come up with something so unoriginal, you look pathetic. Your blogs are becoming increasingly difficult to look at. I curl my toes in embarrassment for you both.
The “managed to snag” and the “sent from Paris” are phrases which were deployed with a view to sounding sophisticated. Do you know how PROVINCIAL trying-to-sound-sophisticated is, you pair of know-nothing, no-class, try-hard, flashy Dallas-bitch-twits?
Dear Sea,
if I had your money I would be richer than you.
I’m glad I have you to distill the crazy because I can’t take it straight up. I wish J would totter to the dollar store, buy some scissors, and cut the apron strings….
Dear Jane,
please stop carrying around that stuffed cat because it creeps me out. My real (and fierce) Siamese is not amused. Maybe add a cat pin or smth to the collection you “curate”, but make it more realistic than the walrus which looks more like a deranged disco hippo.
Btw, did anyone see Jane model for Katie Simone http://www.simonecollection.com/
(I don’t hate Jane but her ubiquity and rich kid sense of entitlement are starting to annoy me)
Dear Jane,
please stop carrying around that stuffed cat because it creeps me out. My real (and fierce) Siamese is not amused. Maybe add a cat pin or smth to the collection you “curate”, but make it more realistic than the walrus which looks more like a deranged disco hippo.
Btw, did anyone see Jane model for Katie Simone? http://www.simonecollection.com/
(I don’t hate Jane but her ubiquity and rich kid sense of entitlement are starting to annoy me)
dear sea,
you spend more money on shoes than I make in a month. How is that logical?
Dear Jane
Please learn the difference between ‘less’ and ‘fewer’. And while you’re at it can you let your mum know that the use of the word ‘purchase’ does not make the handing over of filthy lucre any more highbrow. It’s still ‘buying’ stuff for eff’s sake – does one ‘purchase’ the services of a prostitute for example?
Otherwise, I think your fashion sense is pretty interesting and on the whole, you look lovely. At your age though, shouldn’t you be hanging out with people your own age, smoking and drinking cheap cider? Oh, just me then….
Dear Mum of Shoes,
Just because it has a Prada label doesn’t mean those plastic monstrosities are going to be “killing it” when steamed up with condensation from sweaty Sea Feet. Really look forward to seeing those pics.
MissGodarkly
Dear Sea:
Walking around with a stuffed animal isn’t acceptable unless your 5 years old or younger. You look stupid, with your weird cloth and your ugly cat.
Your feet look ugly in those pointy shoes.
Oh, and it’s really nice of you calling your dad a retard, specially since he spends huge amounts of money on your ridiculous cloth and shoes.
Love,
Nat
BTW: who is Consuela?
For the record – I don’t hate Jane; no point of hating someone I don’t even know. I just find the whole thing – Jane, her Mum, stuffed cat & all, “snagging” “curating” and giant horrid jewelry bizarre. It’s like observing aliens from outer space and their weird customs, tastes and lifestyle. I do worry (just a bit) about Jane’s health; shlepping around in these shoes, with a stone – sorry, the 1 pound walrus – around your neck, 1/2 pound bug around your waist and a stuffed cat can’t be good for you. How about going for minimalism and replacing all this stuff with one solid 5 pound iron ball chained to your ankle?
I wonder what Carol would say…
Jane does not have any taste. I know taste is subjective, but she’s made herself an object. How can one labor over details so very much and still look horrendous? I blame Marni and other faux-jolie-laide peddlers. If Sea relaxed and went a little less OTT she might look, at the very least, interesting. At this point, she’s like a Miami Christmas tree.
@Cricket9 hahaah LMAO… thanks for making me laugh!! i love salmon anw 😛
@Sister Wolf: i love this blog 😀
XX
daily reader
Dear Jane,
That walrus is disgusting and you are an idiot. I wish my dog was at the botanical garden with you so he could chew up your stupid dinosaur toy.
I have only been to Sea of Shoes once. But now I must go back and see the insanity you report.
Dear Sea,
My student loan is over $50K and right now I make $10 an hour working in a fucking t-shirt joint. You “manage to snag” a few thousand bucks worth of shoes a month on someone else’s considerable dime whilst being almost 20 years younger than me and not working for shit. FUCK YOU IN THE EAR SO BAD, GIRL, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.
K
I have no problem with their style…i actually rather like a lot of the outfits they wear but I am been visiting their blog less now because with the comments turned off and posts after posts of “look what I bought” items the space has become a display cabinet of sorts of all the extra mullah they have to be spending on shoes. I understand it’s a fashion blog so we are only seeing the fashion events in Sea’s life but it would help if there were posts had a little more writing and words on fashion than photos after photos of callous shit. I am thinking of boycotting their blog altogether – now that I think of it they are like fashion’s parallel for Speidi, they really believe they are the shit. Oh and I didn’t get the walking around with a stuffed cat either.
K
What’s bothering me most right now is that she’s misspelling ankh when she used to spell it correctly…How does one go from “ankh” to “ahnk” between the tiger kimono and now? Every post since then, it’s spelled wrong.
And that walrus is horrid. Really.
I walked around with a stuffed cat at some point but I was a bit crazy – coming off a horrible hallucinogenic phase.
My question for them is this, did you really have to be “home-schooled” so you could sit around wearing outfits and showing off your filthy luchre while exploiting free media platforms as if you have been anointed queen of nothing ?
Also a comment. The whole fashion blog thing is out of control. I hope you have a real job lined up. And not just shoe designing as the ones you made for Urban Outfitters were pretty much rubbish and knock offs to boot.
god those shoes look painful.
I would like to walk around with my real cat shoving her into strangers’ arms and yelling “isn’t she cute?” Sadly the cat meows loudly, waggles her paws wildly and tries to get away from such indignity. I’ll need one of those stuffed ones.
Dear jane – sort it out.
total financial irresponsibility…especially if she has such a huge young and naive audience.
Those shoes are fucking awful. Her feet look like giant, veiny, pulsating things from outer space.
I read her blog from time to time out of morbid curiosity…interesting to see that she posted this article to her Twitter seeing as she doesn’t allow anyone to comment at all:
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/01/st_thompson_obscurity/