Dear Fishface

Dear Fishface*,

Why?! Once upon a time, you had a normal face, a face that wouldn’t cause nightmares or thoughts of ‘Finding Nemo.’ Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for you.

Haven’t you seen what happened to Meg Ryan and Melanie Griffith? What about Courtney Love and Lisa Rinna? If you squirt fillers into your lips, you just look deformed. I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask some doctor to deliberately fuck up your face…although you seem a little unhinged, so maybe you did. In any case, you’re a total mess.

I hope your face will serve as a warning to women all over the world. I know it has made me rethink the idea of ‘cosmetic procedures.’ It’s much better to let your face get ruined by time, instead of paying someone to ruin it.

The tiny little nose was also a mistake, but still not as scary and horrifying as the lips. Where did you get the money to waste on this shit?!? Oh. never mind, you’ll only lie about it.

Listen, Fishface: I know everyone’s mad at you about the babies, but they wouldn’t be nearly as mad if you looked normal. I think you should consider your duckbill a public relations disaster as well as an aesthetic one. Personally, I wish I had never laid eyes on you. The only thing that has brought me comfort is this before and after look at Jessica Biel.

* thanks, Juri

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12 Responses to Dear Fishface

  1. I hate plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons – I don’t get why no one focuses on the word plastic. I know it has ernourmous value for burns victims, repair due to surgery and for real medical reasons – ie you can’t breath thru your nose or every nasty two bit person is calling you pinoccio – then you need a surgeon.
    Otherwise wise up and go with gravity is defied by a smile!

  2. hammiesays says:

    I dunno Make do; just took my picture with the new macbook and I can see a role for some filler; well, about a lorry load of filler would do the trick. I can’t smile all the time, I look manic!
    why does this poor woman remind me of Angelina???

  3. HelOnWheels says:

    SW, for safety of everybody within a 1/2 mile radius of me I think you need to stop posting about this c**t. I’m getting a serious rage disorder related specifically to her. I thought that would stop once Bush left office but Duck-Face has brought it back in full force. So, here is the newest thing that’s pissed me off even more (I’m now calling for sterilization AND mandatory prison and psychiatric facility sentences for her criminal behavior):

  4. HelOnWheels says:

    Oh, and in case anybody wants to show financial or emotional support for this nut-job:

    I know I’d love to tell her exactly what I think.

  5. arline says:

    HellOn Wheels, those link made me want to throw up!

    I have strong and angry opinions about her choices and the doctors unscrupulous practice, I wont go into them though, because I am not feeling %100 and I want to enjoy the day.

    How did she get the money for her new lips again? URGH!

  6. Juri says:

    HelOnWheels, thanks for the link! As soon as I finish typing this I’ll make a generous donation and leave some L O V E on the comment section. It’s such a good cause and a beautiful project. The world would be a so much better place if more people ruined their faces and gave birth to packs of babies they cannot support.

    I wonder if she has a manager. If not, I might have one or two money making ideas for her and the octuplets. First we’ll get her three extra pairs of breasts at some cheap Eastern European clinic. The nude breast feeding pics will look so much better that way and she can breastfeed all the eight babies at the same time. Since she only has two hands, she’ll probably have to lie down like a dog or a mother pig. We’ll figure out something.

  7. Juri says:

    And she has named baby #5 McCai! What made her do that? Was it because she could not remember enough biblical names to name all six of her boys after Old Testament Prophets and Kings? That kid will be seriously bullied by Noah, Isaiah, Jonah, Jeremiah and Josiah when they find out that their brother was named after an Arizona senator instead of a biblical figure. Prophets and Senators don’t mix and McCai will be one sad and solitary kid on the playground.

    And why did Fishface drop the final “n” from his name? Was she afraid of getting sued by Grandpa and Cindy if she had used the whole thing?

    I suppose she chose to name only one of her daughters (Maliah and Noriah) after the Obama daughters for similar reasons.

  8. Bex says:

    She’s just anticipating all the interviews she’s gonna get, girl’s gotta look good, ya know?!!!!???

    Also when someone asks her who she would want to play her in her movie, she’ll say “Angelina Jolie.”

    Dude, those lips are fucking scary!!!

  9. Jools says:

    Dedicated mothers,after giving birth to a litter, always stop for an interview and a FRENCH MANICURE before going home to see the children they haven’t seen in WEEKS. I’ll be sending planned parenthood a donation in her name.

  10. honestly, what makes her think FAT LIPS are attractive? I watched part of the Dateline program last night, and the FAT LIPS not only are scary, they seem to be causing her a speech impediment! I just couldn’t make myself watch the whole show.

    I will check the budget for next week, and see if there’s anything left; a donation to Planned Parenthood sounds about right!

  11. Mark says:

    Jessica Biel rules.

  12. Eek says:

    fat lips may be gross, but thin/nonexistent lips really suck, as it were. Think of Kate Middleton: so many teeth, so few lips.

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