Get Out the Kool-Aid! Part I

 

  

I’m sorry but I LOVE WARREN JEFFS! What a pimp! He’s as ugly as the day is long, but he’s got plenty of chicks and ten thousand devoted followers. Wow, why weren’t we notifed earlier?!

Last night, CNN was all over him: footage of his zombie-like cult members shuffling along in weird, awful clothes that even Sears would turn up its nose at. All the women have straggly hair pulled back in unflattering braids, like he’s trying to punish them for the fact that he’s so ugly. All the kids look sort  washed out and demented, like reverse Village of the Damned children. The men wear suits, without the cool scary dignity of Black Muslims, leaning more toward door to door salesman from Kansas.

Well, I fucking love it. Let’s just admit it, this is gonna make Waco look like a tea party! This will be Jonestown times 100. The cops seem terrified. They’re afraid to go into his compound! If you google Warren Jeffs, you will find instant nirvana (if you like reading about strange sociological phenomena, and nutcases with obscure diabolical powers.)

So far, the best part is that when his father died..the founder of the cult, an old codger with 75 wives…Warren Jeffs moved right in and forced the wives to marry him, OR ELSE. This makes him a literal motherfucker! God bless America.

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