Earlier tonight, I got my hair trimmed and felt pretty smug. I asked my husband to take a picture of me. I’m not sure whether this look says “groupie” or “hooker,” but I was pleased either way.
Hours later, I felt like this:
I saw this image on TV and said to my husband: “Look honey, there’s me.”
He didn’t know what I meant so I had to explain, “I’m a big sinking ship laying on its side and nobody knows what to do with me.” He took the wise option of going to bed.
It’s so hard to maintain a feeling of okayness. Know what I mean?
I understand completely. Except I rarely verbalize it.
Sadness, depression and grief are now such a part of my life that I find myself spoiling the okayness to get back to them.
I totally understand THAT feeling. But a practical solution to the hair problem looking good one minute and then feeling like it looks like crap the next is to have some vertical layers cut into your hair, which lets is be a little piecy, messy, devil may care. It will always look good, no matter how bad you feel inside- guaranteed. I am going through some very trying medical issues now that will last for awhile, but my hair is looking great and it is helping me get through this awfulness. I hope you can right yourself!
You are a beautiful soul…..I understand the sinking ship…..
I feel you. I would never presume to know exactly how you feel but the struggle to maintain equilibrium? OH yeah. I’ll start to feel ok, I’ll be enjoying eating something tasty or reading a fashion blog or watching opera clips on YouTube then something about my past floods into my mind and tells me “why I should feel like shit”. Never mind that I was perfectly happy in that moment, my mind just has to shit on it. *hugs*
I understand completely that harsh turn for ‘everything is bad, bad, bad’.
Would leopard underpants worn as shorts cheer you up? http://fashionsnag.typepad.com/blog/2012/01/diane-von-furstenberg-jacket.html (yes, it’s a Thigh Girl)
Sometimes very silly things work for me.
Hot stuff!
I thought of you last night as I was getting lost in the interwebs and found this photo of hipster chics partying in a bathtub. Such good times.
http://theberry.com/2011/10/05/being-hipster-is-too-mainstream-38-photos/hipster-pics-10/
Yes, I know what you mean about maintaining a feeling of okayness. One has to have a very strong voice in their head to pull them out of bed. Mine yells at me an awful lot.
PS Love your couch.
Yep… I know exactly what you mean.
Love that someone mentioned fashion snag in the previous comments. That is one of my absolute favorites to look at when I’m in a shitty mood.
I feel like this usually once a week, sometimes I feel like this after an argument with my husband,so it lasts 4 days or so. I can verbalize it pretty much all the time, I find comparisons too, when I was younger I used to write poems,so it was pretty easy to compare my state to a bee without wings or a country without summer. Recently, I found out that no matter what, people won’t love me unconditionally and that I had to stop wanting others to love me the way I want them to. I think the day we stop wanting others to love us so much, that day, we will set ourselves free, because it will probably never be enough. I think we need to find words to describe how we feel, it is healthy.
Hang in thereand I do like the picture.
You’re a lot cuter than that ship.
Yes :-*
I just fake it til i make it…combined with a ‘a strong voice in my head’ a la Stacy.
beginning to think voice not strong enough- medication may be in order!
Yeah, what everyone has said.
My financial situation, if you can call it that, is the ship nose down, going under, and it’s got me thinking that money really is the most important fucking thing in the whole fucking world, and god that’s a depressing thought. But around other humans I act like I’m fine, because, you know, if you talk about money or health worries you tap into what everybody’s shit-scared of, and that clears the room faster than a broccoli fart.
The broccoli fart by the Bevitron was funny but I feel the same way. I have been worried about money and work all my life, and when I do get employment opportunities,I got treated like shit by bosses. I wondered if I was the only one and my husband said that everybody get disrespected at work. I always wanted to have my own business so that I don’t haveto take shit from others just because they have more money.
Oh Lord yes. I’m absolutely sure I’ll end up living out of a shopping cart ANY MINUTE.
I think you are tres chic, hip and very cool looking. I, on the other hand LOOK like the middle aged broad that I am. Colored my hair last week and it looks like mud. Was laid off right before thanksgiving. Had an interview thursday, Friday I got an emai … Thanks a lot but no thanks. My life is in the shitter. I need a job, they’re impossible to get … Agree 100 percent with candy re bosses treating one like shit and newt won big in so. Carolina!!!! I wanna give it all up and go live in a cave.
xoxoxo
Deb
what if this is the balance and how it should be?
what if there is no one without the other?
the amplitude of mood swings can be too wide and the range hard to handle, but put in these words, the opposite of it would be boring flat-lining.
you look damn pretty for a sinking ship, hooker or a groupie.
Though my crap monitor is blending your hair into your jacket for me, the bit I can make out looks shiny and wonderful. I’ve been wearing red lipstick at home all this week in an attempt to get used to it, and it made me think of you the entire time.
Sharnek – I think I understand what you mean. I’m so used to being sad and depressed now, I don’t know what I’d be if i wasn’t. Actively trying to be happy is, to make a really shit analogy, like throwing out a security blanket, maybe okayness will be less frightening.
Absolutely know what you mean. Think Cat summed it up the best. At least your hair is gorgeous. I had the most expensive haircut of my life recently and it looked shit! Had to get it recut for a fraction of the price on the high street, which means it’s not even nearly as long as yours now. Dammit!
You look fantastic, you have amazing hair and shoes, and I sort of totally get it about the moods. Mine’s hanging in there until the next disaster. You all are the best.
i get it.
learning to accept the unacceptable is hard.
Find someone who you really dislike and kick them in the shins with those badass shoes — that should cheer you up.
Sorry you aren’t feeling the okayness, to say nothing of the dopeness, but it’s understandable. Time is on your side. So are friends.
I’m OK – you’re OK.
To lighten the mood, does anyone else hate that people are using the word “gifted” instead of given? As in, “I was gifted this dress by Dior . . . ” It makes my blood boil.
I don’t know about anyone else, but the word “gifted” usually implies it’s a GIFT, i.e. you’re not required to do anything in return. Which is not the case with PR shills.
So no, Aly, you’re not alone in detesting that.
Gifted to me means talented, not a free dress or shoes.
Aly- yes! Drives me batty. Also loathe “on trend”, and “jean” or “pant”- what, just the one? I’ve never heard anyone but pretentious fashion people use these terms. “Fashionista” annoys me, too. I seem to have been cursed with a love for fashion and a loathing for the industry. First world problem, I know, but still….
gifted means talented, an inner gift,likereadingmind or special skills. Ialways read it on blogs andI don’t understand it
I miss you and your plush couch. Can I come by soon please?!?!
Your hair looks smashing, as per. And that couch needs to be mine.
Okayness is hard to maintain, no doubt about it. The neat thing about the ship is, while no one knew exactly what to do or how to help, lots of good folks ran to its aid. I am with you always xxoo
I know what you mean. That’s why I’m a drunk from 8pm on. Sometimes the odd prescription opiate (questionably obtained) tends to right my ship when necessary. Seems I’m the only one here relying on booze and ‘scripts rather than pulling up the boot straps.
You must be a damn strong woman, SisterWolf.
TOTES.
hugsxoxo
About the hair… just day dreamin’ but I’d love to see you and your eyebrows in a medium brown/auburn color (NOT one of those cheap, purple-y red shades.) Cut two more inches then add lots of sexy layers. Then I’d give you a smokey eye with pale lips and and a sweep of color just under those awesome cheekbones.
Of course you look great as you are but I’m in the middle of planning a completely new look for myself so I’ve given a lot of thought to make-overs lately.
I know exactly what you mean . . .
that’s exactly like me except with anxiety. today I had such a bad panic attack I thought I was going to pass out several times during the afternoon. I was pipetting DNA and such in the lab I intern at and my hands were shaking so badly. there was absolutely NO reason for it. I get into these rages too where I get really upset and paranoid, especially about my relationship, for absolutely no reason at all.
I know exactly what you mean. The choice of the ship is brilliant and witty. Take comfort in the fact that you write so well.