Jaime King is an actress or something who recently appeared on a red carpet with her 4 year old son James, who as you can see is dressed like a girl.
Can we not pretend that he isn’t dressed like a girl? If we can’t agree on this, just stop reading. Thanks.
Jaime posted this photo on social media, and naturally, a bunch of celebs were eager to applaud her excellent parenting. “What a wonderful mom and human you are,” wrote Lisa Ling.
Jesus Christ! This is what gets you praise as a mother in 2018. Good for you, you’re letting a toddler decide its gender! I’m sorry but this bitch is way out of line with this. My belief system is going to be labeled outmoded and transphobic by forward thinking liberals but I’m good with that. My feelings come from experience with preschool children, who are all drawn to fancy clothes, whatever their gender.
Preschool children, when presented with a trunk full of clothes to play with, will go for the feathered boas and princess outfits BECAUSE THEY ARE FANCY AND PRETTY! My friend, who ran a beloved preschool for a hundred years, explained this to me when I expressed concern with one of my young sons. He was around 3 and wanted a sexy harem girl costume for Halloween. We were looking at a catalogue, and I said, “Nah, lets look at these costumes instead.” He grew up to be a regular cis male in every possible respect.
Do you think I should have squealed “YES, let’s get that harem girl outfit! Your wishes will guide me! Want a couple of dozen doughnuts, too?” I didn’t feel like encouraging behavior that struck me as inappropriate. If he had continued to exhibit a desire for dresses, at some point I would have sought professional help to figure things out.
I remember another mom, that same Halloween, who got her preschool boy a lavish gown to wear, with a lot of trailing chiffon. I disapproved but minded my own business. I’m pretty sure he dressed like a girl after that.
My mom dressed my sister and me in all kinds of outfits, but she kept our hair short. I think she was too lazy to deal with brushing it. I’m so glad she didn’t dress me like a cowboy or policeman. I had enough trouble fitting in. (Now, of course, I’m a gay man in a female body, but that’s a whole other post.)
In our effort to support gender fluidity, parents are jumping at the chance to be supportive. I think it would be more supportive to wait and observe. Toddlers love to experiment with everything. It’s how they learn. Gender is more than a social construct, as brain science tells us.
But Jaime King started a gender-free line of clothing two years ago. Is this the chicken or the egg? Who knows. I only know that the photo above does not merit a Mom of the Year Award so much as a HOLD UP! citation. Just no.
Alright, come at me, social justice warriors!
I am with you 100%.
And since when did white high heels become ok? I remember when they were stripper shoes. OK, I did want to say whore shoes but I am sure that is not PC. But I just said it, see how I slipped that in?
Fingers crossed that this gives us more homosexuals and fewer breeders. But that photo is reminiscent of dog shows and child beauty pageants. Your gussied up toddlers and pedigreed dogs won’t stop the coming food riots and water wars but if push comes to shove you could at least eat the toddler.
That photo may come back to haunt him if/when he’s a “regular cis” male. Worse than naked bathtub baby photos.
What’s interesting to think about is that the spectrum of gender identification has always existed, even if it wasn’t socially accepted, but I wonder if it’s always impacted children at such a young age? For me it’s hard to know what to take seriously when a child expresses a preference, precisely because they are so impressionable and constantly change their minds.
I want to believe parents are being accepting because they want their children to feel safe and nurtured, but the jaded side of me also thinks it’s an opportunity people jump at to show how “enlightened” they are to society at large.
Putting her needs before her child. The poor child is the victim of a vicarious parent. It’s all about “look at me…look at me….me me me me.” I have a very small family. One niece…no nephews….she has one daughter. My great niece has just turned 13 (does anyone remember what a difficult age to be?) I’ve seen what my niece has done to her child. In order for her to be validated by her mother, she MUST be “different”. MUST be. And she has a father. And he does nothing.
I’ve been a reader of your blog on and off for years, so I get how the banter here goes. On this subject, I agree – there should be more room for people to comfortably speak up by admitting, “this doesn’t feel right to me, and I don’t think I’m a bad or close-minded person for feeling this way.” I’m tired of the the bandwagon mentality of both sides of the extremes jumping into condemn/condone each other publicly at the drop of a hat. What I do take issue with is your labeling the mother a bitch. Sorry, but if we’re all in agreement that our president lacks moral decorum for constantly lambasting people who hold opinions differing from his own, and then we come up short and take swipes at people in situations like this…well, I don’t think we’re moving towards improving the climate. Perhaps you will skewer me for pointing this out, but I just want to remind your readers we each have a responsibility to elevate the dialogue rather than dig the whole deeper! Thanks for providing the forum here for me to offer this feedback.
I agree, it’s too much. Will you everyone cheer her if he chooses his own bed time or drops out of elementary school? How about if he decides to join the circus when he’s 8, or chooses to eat only chocolate from now on?
If you want to see another even worse example of this check out Charlize Theron’s son Jackson. It’s just awful.
Of course it’s TRENDY to have a trans kid. Thank god I suppose or mine would be a wreck. I’ve seen how trans kids who don’t come out until after puberty get.
For the record my trans son loved pink and dresses from about age 4-5. I never pushed any gendered clothes and he was all boy by 9 and came out on his own at just 11. He’s 15 now and super. I thank the gay and trans activists who paved this road every day.
Kids need guidance until they’re old enough to make their own decisions. If it turns out their decisions are in stark contrast to yours, so be it, but until an appropriate age, guidance is an integral part of parenting.
This looks like a mum who wished she’d had a daughter.
I don’t know what the outcome of these sorts of situations are, but I’d imagine confusion. Are these people not undermining genuine issues with gender identity, and turning it into a silly game of dress-up?
Who takes their kid on the red carpet? This is clearly a cry for attention, she herself echoing childish dress-up, with those silly hair-clips and ‘mom’s shoes’.
I agree with you. Parents need to be parents, not friends. It looks like he is trying to hide in her skirt. Poor kid.
I like Dana’s comments above – thanks Dana!
Joanne, When I first saw the photo you posted, I thought you were going to write about this woman and her Little House on the Prairie looking dress and the white pumps.
I don’t know who she is, but your article really isn’t about her, it’s about letting little kids dress the way they want and equating that with “gayness” or “regular” sexual development and identity later on. Or is it about this Mom getting praised publicly? Or is it about her pushing her line of kids clothes? Goddammit Joanne you are REALLY mad this time!
I showed my 17 year old son the photo and asked him what he thought about it, and he thought that judging the Mom and even more, judging the kid, is stupid.
If she’s exploiting him for her clothes line, then yeah, that’s shitty, and that’s where you started, but that’s not where you ended up with this.
It’s not true that ALL boys will opt for the feathers and princess tutus. I’ve seen it.
Some boys will never pickup the dreaded barbie in pink or purple, and will only play with trucks and legos. What of it?
Thank G-O-D you didn’t allow your son to play with that harem outfit because obviously standing your ground that day is what helped ensure that he became a “REGULAR (READ:NORMAL) cis male in EVERY POSSIBLE RESPECT” – Geez – Okaaay, we get it – he fucked chicks. Congratulations! And none of that would have come to pass if you had let him play with that harem costume for godssakes!
So hey Moms, let’s just make sure our young Boys™?(Regular-Cis-Males-To-Be) wear only Brown, Navy, Olive, Orange and Gray because those colors are safe & heteronormative- that’s why they are the only colors in every boys department -Duh!
And if they deign to stray toward a sequin, dial 1-800 CIS-MALE and nip that shit in the bud! good job Mommy you’ve just earned yourself a badge in early childhood repression)
You actually wrote the following sentence:
“If he had continued to exhibit a desire for dresses, at some point I would have sought professional help to figure things out” DO you mean “figure things out” for yourself?
Like how to deal with YOUR disappointment that he might NOT turn out to be “a regular cis male in every possible respect”. Or do you mean you’d have sought professional help to set him straight?
Which is it?
You know what I sought professional help for? I sought professional help for an asshole boyfriend that picked on my son for 7 years because my son had no interest in trucks or legos or Starwars and liked to dress up & wear make up once in a while.
It drove this guy nuts. And he was “an ARTIST”!?
Homophobia takes many subtle forms, and can be carried forth by mothers as well as fathers.
Joanne honey sweetie, please check yourself. You’re not a gay man in a woman’s body, you’re Anita Bryant in a hipster’s body.
oxo
CJ – Your boyfriend was an asshole. Why did you let him hang around and abuse your kid for that long? That’s something I would never do. Sorry you’re so angry. I hope you make better choices in the future.
Dana – Well, I’m glad you knew what to do and when to do it. If your kid knew who he was when he was a toddler, I have a lot to learn. xo
Scoutito – Good call but stripper is probably a bad word now.
Romeo – On point, as always.
Mary Liz – I wish I could use those bathtub pix for leverage but oh well.
KM – Yes, my thoughts too.
D.R. – Oh dear.
cm – I meant “bitch” in a conversational way. But if language is a thing with you, you are in the wrong place. You probably don’t think Ivanka is a cunt, right?
Erika – I’m afraid to look but I will when things settle down.
Suspended – in fairness, if that is the right word here, the movie is a Disney pic. I love your take on the mom’s outfit! So astute of you.
Marla Griffith – I really don’t know what the hell is up with this woman. It turns out that a friend of mine knows her and says she is very “attention-seeking,” so there’s that.
I suggest you all check out the podcast, “How to be a Girl.” This mom had to figure out *everything* when her 3-year-old child said very definitely and consistently that she was a girl. Lots of good research and grounded information about the difference between a young child saying, “Mom, I’m a sparkley unicorn princess!” and “There was a mistake in your tummy and I am really a girl.” Please learn more, sister, about gender identity. You can do better. xox
Lynn Yanis – I’ve never listened to a podcast. But I’ll see what I can learn. I may not be able to do better, but thank you for your confidence in me! xo
Trans kid has several trans friends who knew as toddlers. Y’all are welcome to my thoughts on this one subject I know something about. xo
Wow, not only figuring out one’s identity based on zero life experience but actually remembering what it felt like to be a toddler.
Sorry, I’m calling absolute bullshit on that one.
Kids aren’t even interested in playing with other kids as toddlers, let alone understanding any differences between boys and girls. Most of them don’t even have a vocabulary beyond a few hundred words and certainly no capacity for such complex feelings and thoughts.
Is it called ‘gender fluid’? I can’t tell who is a man and who is a woman anymore. My teenage daughter and I were in the car last week and we drove past two humans walking along the footpath holding hands. After we’d passed I said to her ‘was that two men or two women’. She said ‘I don’t know’. So we left it at that.
I suppose when you can buy eggs and sperm on the internet gender isn’t really an issue as long as you have a willing uterus to put it all in.
We are going to have some very confused people walking around in the future wondering who the hell they are, because no one has two dads and no mum, and vice versa, that’s just not possible.
Sorry I went completely off topic.