Douches are easy to come by, but look how special they are when you have three. See here to refresh your memory.
Here’s a good one I found last week:
By ‘good’ I mean fulfilling most of the requirements, although he lacks a beard and those things in his ear-holes.
I’d like to have a point system for rating douches, like hunters have for deer, with 10 being the perfect score.
Neck tettoo
Beard
Shaved back of the head
Cigarette
Ear plug or septum ring
Sullen expression
Knuckle tattoo
Shit! That’s only seven. What attributes am I missing? Or should a full beard get extra points?
Please help. It’s for science.
Full beard definitely qualifies for extra points. Have you seen those dickhead hipsters now sporting Taliban cleric scraggly beards? Assholes. That’s worth 5 douchebag points alone.
Also: Atheltic hat. Dead, total drophead douche giveaway, and:
Full shaved head, but maybe the douchebag nitwits from Denmark are the only ones who still do this, being behind social trends and all.
Top of Jocks – visible.
Top of pubic hairline – visible.
Looking like lots of other people but walking around like you are one of a kind.
Stupid hat on a jaunty angle.
Tood.
……….you’ve hit a nerve sister.
Hair with comb tracks
prepubescent boy body
Aspirations of one day owning a motorcycle
Baseball caps sideways
Waxed Mustaches
Jackets without shirts
Done!
I’m not certain that these fellows are douches, but they all sport a heavy application of “hair product” without which one cannot be a douche.
These guys look more like hipsters who beat women.
I think my definition of what a douche is is a little different.
I saw a picture of a shirtless man with a mustache (one curly at the ends), wearing a rosary, and looking over it all. I felt homicidal for the first time in my life. He is my uberdouche, my measure for everything.
All I’m going to say is that the American Apparel website provides me with a plethora of perfect 10s. Dead eyes, mustaches, v-necks, wifebeaters, casually posing with a cigarette in every fucking photo (plus points for hookah), mustaches, the need to be shirtless all the time, mustaches.
Another type of douche would include — Ed Hardy anything. Anything Ed Hardy and I think they automatically deserve a 10. Ripoff Ed Hardy, an 11.
I love beards, so I am hesitant to add them to my personal douche list. But the guys I love are generally blue-collar guys who have great beards, none of this 20-something hipster shit.
…and just like that you have covered most of the male pictures posted on Tumblr. haha! Perfection. But since you want a 10 point system I guess you could add “soul patch/flavor saver, “snake bites”, and ripped hardcore band tees.
You should come to Brooklyn, NY. There are more there than you could count!
I hate to say it, but selvedge jeans and big cuffs on those jeans.
Fedoras with non vintage outfits
Suspenders
Ear plugs
Soul patch
Flip flops or those Tods shoes-no socks.
Also, they nealry always are “musicians” or “dj’s”
Ugh
Okay. We have a consensus on stupid hats (baseball caps, fedoras, whatever)
Sockless is good.
Exposed abdomen, yep.
So that’s ten points.
If you see a good ten-pointer, send to sisterwolf666@gmail and I will post them.
Romeo – ‘Hipsters who beat women” may be a variant of the classic Douche style. You would be right if they were drinking in this photo. They are certainly glowering enough.
I hate to sound like an 80 year old, and it’s a bit off the track, but what will these people do when: a) they are not so young and attractive anymore and b) tattoos go out of fashion – whichever comes first?
I guarantee the first person who invents a fast, painfree, cost effective method to perfectly remove tattoos will be the world’s first trillionaire.
I thought of this post when I encountered one of these douches today. He was in the car behind me and couldn’t stop tweaking his curly moustache in his rear view mirror. The fucker looked like he’d been botoxed and was, of course, sporting full sleeve tattoos.
If this hyper vanity is the new rebellion, the world really has turned sick!
Lots of obvious abs workouts with total neglect of everything else
Hand always on or near genitals
I think you guys have covered this sufficiently. I’ll add for the sake of balance, GIRL douche bags are the ones who find mustache accessories and dishware HILAAARIOUS.
*also, anyone who says “peep” instead of “look at”
Unicycles
Underweight/super slim is also a requirement.
skinny pants rolled up to mid calf exposing ironic socks.
haha- yes. weed socks. disco rasta urban outfitters socks? why????
I’m with Mark. Selvedged jeans with big cuffs. I’ll also add Red Wing boots to the mix.
Stacy and Mark – Are the jeans hipster rather than douche? Same with the Red Wing boots; I only know one guy who has them, and he’s a hipster poster-boy, but no douche.
Face tattoo
Gangster iconography
I’m late to the party but had to add: skinny jeans that are somehow so baggy in the backside, they sag down to expose the douchebag’s boxer briefs.
The need to show us the oblique-groin-ab thingys, a faux-hawk, bumper stickers that say “no fat chicks”, men who say things loudly and often just for the shock value factor, straight, grown-ass men who care about the latest gossip more than his girlfriend AND her gay male friend combined.
I lol at all you BSGs ( Bitter Single Girls) Here is your harsh reality check kids :
Listen up.
Being a douche as a man, simply means that, you are successful with women . Bottom line . Every picture on social media that shows a man having a great time and a great life and women happen to be in the picture , pathetic jealous people ( boys and girls) automatically label dudes (like myself d bags) . Deep down it’s basically jealousy at the fact that you’re missing one of these many awesome qualities .
So , if you’re buff , wear cool clothes , have body art , a cool faux hawk haircut , and generally take care of your looks , that makes you a d bag ?! This makes absolutely no sense and is one dimensional , judgmental thinking .
You just hate it when the dude has the confidence, because you have a ton of self hate . I’m lol at all of you once again . Go on with the waste of energy hating on alpha bad boys like me . I will continue the art of douchebaggery .