Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Secret Diary of a Call Girl is my new favorite TV show. I was put off by the name of the Showtime series but in the end, I simply can’t resist the actress in the title role. Billie Piper is new to me, but evidently she had a career as a teen pop singer in the UK. She also caused a scandal by marrying a creepy DJ/TV presenter named Chris Evans. His fame to me personally rests on the fact that my best friend once encountered him in an elevator, and his greeting to her was: “Nice tits, pet!” (I still enjoy saying this to her, obviously.)

Anyway, then Billie Piper had a role in Dr. Who and some other stuff. Now, in Secret Diary of a Call girl, she carries the entire show with her voice-overs, her comments into the camera, and her big pouty lips.

Her character, Belle, enjoys being a high-priced call girl but she is very sweet and unassuming. In fact, she is so vulnerable, you want to just pet her head the whole time. Even when she walks into a room wearing a bustier and high heels. There is something very wistful and wounded in Billie Piper or her character, I can’t tell which. She is slightly chubby (only slightly!) and her hairline is too low. She has a nice overbite, too.

She looks a little like a monkey, and I know this for a fact because even my husband admitted it. He usually never agrees with anything I say about actresses, like Julia Robert looks like a horse. But last night, his response to my monkey assessment was: “A little bit.”   This is a huge victory in itself.

Last night, Belle had to conduct a foursome with a married couple and her own ex-boyfriend (long story, you will have to watch the show.) Belle was charming, ladylike, lesbitious, slutty, and yet vaguely melancholy throughout. I don’t know how she does it.

Please take my advice and watch this show if you haven’t already. While you’re watching, ask your BF or husband is Billie Piper looks a little like a monkey.

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24 Responses to Secret Diary of a Call Girl

  1. Bex says:

    Hahhaha, I saw a comment somewhere saying that she does look like a monkey. And her current hubby is kinda hot in a distinguished Englich guy kinda way. His voice is sexxxy!

  2. I haven’t seen this yet or read the book. But I have to admit, I’m a bit sick of “kiss-and-tell” novels/blogs. Remember washingtonienne? Hey! I’m famous because I had a lot of sex and then I wrote about it in detail and published it for the world! *unimpressed*.

    But I am very fond of Billie Piper! She was very good as Rose in Dr Who. I love how she looks like a normal woman. I love her chunkiness! She’s like a slab of honest juicy steak. =)

  3. Sister Wolf says:

    I love her! She IS meaty, that is another word I thought of using. She is exactly as you describe, only with a little monkey thrown in.

  4. emma says:

    I absolutely adore billie piper, have done since Dr Who and am desperate to see this. Can’t wait!

  5. Lady K says:

    Another great blog Sister W! Made me chortle. I agree on Billie looking meaty, and this is meant as a compliment. She looks like a proper normal woman, not a sinewy over-excercised Madonna type. Hurray for meatiness and hurrah for the lovely Billie!

  6. Charponnaise says:

    Billie Piper is a national treasure, the sort whose name is never abbreviated to her first name or surname alone – Billiepiper is the only acceptable version. We Brits love her because she managed to go from awful chirping teen brat to Chris Evans’ wifey [that was just fucking weird] to the girl who made people cry at Doctor Who every other week [and snogged another national treasure, David Tennant], and she’s great in this series. I used to read the Belle de Jour blog, and I think the tone of the blog & tv show are very different, but it matters not to me. Long live Billie Piper.

  7. honeypants says:

    I’ve been wondering if I should watch it. Thank you for letting me know I should! Thank god for Showtime On Demand, huh? I can tell from that one photo that she looks like a monkey. I’m SO glad your husband finally agreed with you on something! And did you make up the word ‘lesbitious’ ? because it’s a fantastic word, and it needs to be used frequently!

  8. julie says:

    Sister, I just wanted to say that I’m so glad you’re back in full force becuase I just gotta have my regular dose of the weird and hilarious shit you manage to find and blog about. Thank you!!

  9. littlelux says:

    she’s a bit like sienna miller….

  10. Sonja says:

    lesbitious – is that a word? who cares I love it.

  11. damn, no cable is now killing me.
    congrats on the husband milestone.

  12. Sister Wolf says:

    Oh please, let’s not think she’s like Sienna Miller! Sienna Miller to me equals bad cothes + too many boyfriends.

    I think I must rent Dr. Who if it’s on DVD, or maybe it’s on BBC America?

    Billie Piper IS a national treasure. I am completely addicted to her. I just heard that’s she’s pregnant, so she better not use that as an excuse to stop filming her show.

    Thank you Honeypants and fashionherald on the husband props; you know how great this achievement was!

    thank you Julie for making me feel needed!

    I first heard “lesbitious” on an old episode of Fry and Laurie. It was a courtroom scene, and one of the “barristers” used it. It’s been a favorite ever since.

  13. enc says:

    Dammit, I don’t have showtime. I miss all the good stuff.

  14. Imelda Matt says:

    You lost me at ‘nice tits, pet’ but reeled me back in with talk of overbites. I’ve been wondering for a while should I d/l this, is it worth 350mb but I trust your judgement (and you rock a fierce hive) so I’m going to give the ‘meaty looking call girl’ a red-hot-and-rhonda!

  15. haha yes that courtroom thing in fry and laurie made me laugh so much I pee-d a little. their words are long, their sentences convoluted and delicious. you should definitely watch doctor who. it is an incontrovertible fact that 70% of straight men will turn gay for david tennant in a kilt.

  16. honeypants says:

    I watched 5 episodes OnDemand last night! It is totally addictive!!! I would have watched them all if Mr. Honeypants wasn’t such a Letterman lover.

    And I could *not* get the word lesbitious out of my head all night! And my next door neighbors are lesbians, and they’re always having backyard parties, so I’m always seeing them and talking about them with Mr. H, so I’m prepared to have that word eternally stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel!!!

  17. Sister Wolf says:

    Uh-oh, I love a man in a kilt. I’m on it!

  18. Sister Wolf says:

    Oh Honeypants, that’s fantastic! I’m so glad you watched it!

    Do your lesbitious neighbors have a Stick?!?!?!?!?!

  19. Mark says:

    Just looked up David Tennant. His images turned me straight.

  20. Aja says:

    I’ve already watched the ENTIRE series, season 1. I can hardly wait for season 2. I guess I’ll read the book in between.

  21. Oh yes, me know Billie. Teen superstar, then fade, then the aforementioned (and very astute) ref to ex-hubbie and all-round ubercreep C Evans. Don’t know nothing about the series, but Billie is talented and seems to be shaking off the dreaded Lil Jimmie Osmond syndrome.

  22. PatrickH says:

    Billie Piper is my goddess. Together with many, many other women. Including the proprietrix of this blog. She looks like a monkey, true, but a monkey that I would give anything to date. Unfortunately, as someone said above, she will not age well. And yes, if “lesbitious” is not a word, it should be. Connotations of sapphism and also of bitchiness. Works for me.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    Hahaha! “A monkey that I would give anything to date”

    I would date her too, but not if any, you know, were involved.

  24. WaikikiCane says:

    Also. If you're on MadMen or XMen, I'll watch. Otherwise, no one wants to see your reel, and if they do, they'll ask.

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