The Joy of Midgets


Last night I attended the annual Port of Los Angeles Lobster Festival, drawn by the promise of a KISS tribute band composed of midgets.   It was a warm, humid evening, and hundreds of people wandered around happily wearing stupid red lobster hats, drinking beer and enjoying the opportunity to have a blast for only $7.

Bikers, home-girls, dock workers, head-bangers, shirtless Samoans, old people and little kids mingled together in perfect harmony.   When “Shorty’s Little Kiss Band” took the stage, it was a sight that brought pure joy to every face in the crowd. Raucous midgets in KISS make-up are the answer to everything! I didn’t recognize most of the songs but I figured out how to do the heavy metal hand sign and hollered appreciation with all my lung power.

From now on, I will be proselytizing that “Midgets Set You Free.” It’s the best time I’ve had in months. You can check out some other midget acts for hire over here at Shorty’s Little People Talent agency.



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7 Responses to The Joy of Midgets

  1. JK says:

    My one small complaint with this post is that you didn’t post a pic of yourself topped with a lobster hat.

    (Not that I’m growing tired of my current screensaver.)

  2. Juri says:

    I wish I had seen mini KISS instead of the full-size group last May. At least their humour act would have made me smile for only $7, and it would have saved me the $100 and then some I paid, because of peer pressure, for seeing a bunch of 60-year-olds in bad wigs and spandex sing “lick it up.”

    Not to mention their fat middle-aged audience and even more fat and ageing Hell’s Angels that sang along in their leather uniforms, and didn’t have to beat me up that night because some strange fit of survival instinct kept me from asking them all the questions about homoeroticism I’ve been dying to ask and still am every time I am at a same social event with somebody from boys’ club.

    But the main thing is you had a good time! For that reason alone I salute the mini KISS.

  3. Juri says:

    *their boys club…god I’m hopeless at spelling

  4. JK says:

    I for one will overlook that bit o’ misspelling Juri.

    Your “Word Painting” was almost worth paying for.

  5. hoochiegucci says:

    Glad you managed to finally have a fun night out. You deserve it!

  6. hammie says:

    Ah Bless! xx
    (And bless them even harder for having Peter Criss in the line up instead of “Eric The Fox”)

  7. Mark says:

    Midgets and dwarves are good luck. Touching them is even better luck. When they’re dressed like KISS, your luck is so good, you might as well buy a lottery ticket.

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