What About Carol?

I have to admit that I’m giddy with relief.   My kid’s condition has gone from critical to stable. It’s a fucking miracle. It’s all I really care about, and yet….it’s still fun to rant, complain and make fun of people!

I knew it would make me feel better to check in with Sea of Money and Mom. But I had no idea of the folly that awaited me there.

the-epic-fur-collection

Sea reveals that she’s been busy “working” with the rack of furs that Mom has been buying since the beginning of the year.   She notes of these furs that Mom “has…..curated quite the collection.

People, does it get better than this?!?

Where I come from, this is called “hoarding” or even “stockpiling.” But now we are all curators!

I believe I have curated quite the collection of jeans, since I was unable to locate my Comfortable Jeans in a timely fashion when I was anxious to get back to the hospital one day last week. I flipped through piles of folded jeans, desperately tossing them aside, and finally giving up in frustration. It was a clumsy Aesop’s fable: The woman who was stymied by her greed for jeans. I ended up settling for the awful harem pants and spent the day looking like a crazy bag lady after adding my nephew’s long, patchwork cardigan.

While Sea and Mom spend their time plundering the world of its fur coats, one can’t help but wonder, What about Carol?

Carol, we are worried about you. Did they put you in the attic? Are you being held hostage under a tarp in the backyard? Did they send you to a Swiss boarding school or a musty convent?

You’re a person too, Carol, even if you can’t design shoes or curate hideous animal-shaped belt buckles! You matter. Let me know where you are and I’ll pick you up ASAP. You can come with me to the hospital, where nothing matters but life it self. In the end, the shoes won’t help at all. Maybe you already know that. I hope so! That would be epic.

This entry was posted in Horrible Stuff, Religion, Words and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to What About Carol?

  1. skye says:

    So glad to hear about your son SW, cannot imagine what you have been dealing with (in the dreaded pants no less).

    Poor Carol (or maybe she’s the lucky one really).

  2. arline says:

    Im glad your sons condition is improving.

    There is a lot of people sending you good thoughts.

  3. arline says:

    There are a lot of people sending you good thoughts too.

  4. Gosh poor you, your poor boy! Glad things are improving. Carol is blowing her hot breath on the attic window right now and using her fingers to write ‘help’ in the mist that then goes immediately.

    True, only life has real value, I must remember that next time I step into a store.

  5. Style Spy says:

    Very, very glad your boy’s going to be all right. It’s all that matters. Hang in there.

  6. jools says:

    Had no idea what you were going thru. So happy he is better! Also delighted to learn about my promotion. Curator of tshirts and cashmere sweaters…..
    xoxoxo

  7. What a relief to hear your son’s improving! Thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you’re an atheist, but I can pray for you, can’t I?

  8. K-Line says:

    I’ve been out of the loop and I didn’t know what was happening with your son. I’m going to have to go back and do some reading. But I’m so happy for you that his condition is improving!

    On another topic, I always wonder about poor Carol. Occasionally Judy mentions her (by way of letting us know that she isn’t being hidden in the attic) but that is rather strange.

  9. Alicia says:

    Glad to hear your son is better. =D

    I hope Carol is ok, too.

  10. hammie says:

    thank god he is okay! I don’t care about the rest of the post. Just thank fucking god he is alright. Bless you! xx

  11. Mark says:

    I’ve curated quite a stack of junk mail on my desk.

  12. Bob says:

    i just moved and threw out over 40 bags of garbage and 9 gigantic rubbermaid bins of paper recycling. and that’s not even counting the stuff I sold. so it’s nice to think that I was a curator of a museum of plastic and trash. nightmare.

  13. Stable condition, beautiful words. And the harem pants at the hospital, I loved that.

  14. Susan says:

    Who the fuck is Carol? I have got to start visiting here more often.

  15. Sonia Luna says:

    So, so glad to read things are getting better, good luck with everything, I’m thinking about you and will keep sending good vibes your way!

    Sea of Shoes, what a laugh: “today i figured out why i was so unhappy…all it took was turning my bed 90 degrees…instantly turned my room into a more positive space!” this is from her twitter … says it all really!

  16. Ann says:

    That’s terrific news about your son. I continue to channel great love, warm wishes and enormous hope to you.

    I doubt you looked like a crazy bag lady in your harem pants and Nephew Wolf’s patchwork cardigan. Even if you did, I totally understand that you were too preoccupied with worry to realize you could have remedied the situation by posing with your hand on your face.

    And look at you, worrying about Carol, in spite of everything that’s going on! Your hate may endure, yet somehow, so does your concern for Carol. You’re a real humanitarian, Sister Wolf.

  17. Ann says:

    Oh my GOD that link that WendyB provided…Sea of Money is not returning to her senior year of high school because “school is not do-able with all the stuff I’m working on right now?”

  18. annemarie says:

    Quel relief!

    I’m very happy everything is ok again.

    Maybe Carol is busy with her school-work and thinks her mother and sister are douchebags.

  19. Moda says:

    Thank goodness your son is stable. I’ll keep sending you the best vibes I can. Keep your chin up Sister. We’re all with you.

    Don’t get me started on Sea…just too irritating.

  20. dust says:

    I’ve curated all my love and I’m sending it over the Sea to all the lost and found again children.
    Love

  21. kate says:

    so glad things are better. am gobsmacked re story posted by WendyB. What has the world come to? I have 12 year old daughter – should i be encouraging her to cultivate designers on her blog?

  22. jtut says:

    Not sure what was happening with your son, but it’s so hard to watch our children go through things, especially when it makes us feel powerless to help (ok, that’s me, not you, sorry). Sending you both healing.

    Carol should start a blog: Don’t Let Me Drown in this Lonely Sea of Shoes and Money. She’ll probably go to Wellesley and then become Secretary of State at age 21.

  23. meredith says:

    carol is the only one with any sort of independant mind. that is why we don’t see her! and she probably thinks jane is a boof.

  24. meredith says:

    oh, and all my best to your baby…..

  25. hammie says:

    See now if you didn’t have Harem pants in the house you wouldn’t have been forced to wear them! Keep a pair of sensibly cuffed and crotched jeans in a glass case with a silver hammer.
    So glad your boy is on the mend. xx

  26. angela says:

    hahahahahahahaa! Oh my god I love!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *