The Girls Next Door


Tonight, my older son came over for dinner and before he left, he decided to check out a reality show called “The Girls Next Door.” I warned him that I saw it once, and it was really depressing.

He insisted on watching it, because he is nothing if not perverse. The show follows the daily lives of three blonde morons who live in the Playboy Mansion with Hugh Hefner. Every other word out of their mouths is “Hef.” In the one episode I saw a few months ago, one of the girls cried about being shut out of a nude shower scene in a Playboy Video. Somehow, Hef learned of her heartbreak and made sure she was in the shower scene.

Tonight, there was more crying. Bridget was upset that the photographer kept picking on her during a photo shoot in which the Bimbo Triad had to look good from the front AND the back at the same time. This had never been done before! It was like sending an astronaut to Neptune! Or curing cancer, only harder, at least for Bridget. In the end, it all worked out.

Of the three women, Holly is the one we all most wanted to see dead. Bridget seemed stupid but harmless, while Kendra looked like a mean Tonya Harding type who would kick you with her ice-skate. Hef seemed mildly senile and very, very old.

There is something so inexplicably tragic about this show, that if you have a shred of humanity you will be saddened by the waste of life it displays. Somewhere, three women once gave birth to daughters who might have grown up to be teachers or salesclerks or bank robbers or radiologists or lawyers or soccer moms or artists. Instead, they all got breast implants and moved into the Playboy Mansion so they could take off their clothes and cry on TV.

When the show was over, my son said he wanted to go kill himself, and I said, “I told you so!” Some of us are just too sensitive for this word, know what I mean?

But if there was a show where you could see Holly getting shot in the head, I would love to watch it.

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3 Responses to The Girls Next Door

  1. elena says:

    “The show instantly became an international hit, and catapulted Holly, Bridget and K-Dub to star status.”

    they must have FABULOSITY!!!!

    excuse me, i need to go flush my head repeatedly.

  2. Suebob says:

    Thanking God I don’t have a TV. It is not because I think it is morally superior not to watch TV. Rather, not having one keeps my head from exploding every day.

    The whole Hugh Hefner phenom leaves me a bit wordless at times. The fact that he thinks prostitutes are his “girlfriends” (if he wants to check, he should stop paying them and see how long they hang around). The fact that beautiful young women are forced to become cartoon-like caricatures of “beauty” makes me sick. The fact that men can demand and get women to behave like this makes me sick. The dehumanization of people as their image becomes more and more important and their humanity becomes less and less important…gah.

  3. good choice of colors on your blog. I enjoyed reading it! kudos 2 you

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